From a very young age, I had an opinion about sex, and almost everything surrounding it:

Mmm mm. Bad. Sin. Stay away (Until you’re married of course). Thankfully, that didn’t concern me for a long time. I was definitely more troubled by the kids in my high school who enjoyed dropping the F bomb & looking at pictures of girls with giant boobs. My poor innocence had been stolen by these monster teenagers running around the halls.

My three friends and I were content passing our free time by making youtube videos and ding-dong ditching the neighbors. I had a few crushes, a few flings, and that was about the extent of my boy life until I was ready to leave for college.

I went into college with the same mindset I had developed growing up. I didn’t drink, still a virgin (and had no intentions of changing that), didn’t swear, and anything else that screamed “prude.”

As a freshman in college, I soaked up my freedom like a sponge. My biggest goal was to be liked. Mostly by boys. As a result of that, I had my first beer at 18, and it was just magnificent. I was having fun, fitting in - actually the next day I specifically remember saying to my roommate who had been there with me, “why would anyone want to be sober?? That was so much fun.” - the words of 18 yr old me after my first two beers.

Slowly, my friends and teammates introduced me to things I’d never done before. Drinking, dancing, partying, weed, boys, etc. and let me tell you, I thought I was literally living the life - and I was for a good while.

I lost my virginity as a sophomore when I was 19. We weren’t dating, but I could have sworn to you, I wanted nothing more. It wasn’t glamorous, like everyone made it out to be & it definitely was not like the movies at all. I don’t think it ever really is.

I didn’t love him. There was no way I was even close to understanding real relationship and love as a 19 yr old young woman who was focused on recognition and affirmation from her peers. What I did feel, was lust. Attraction. And to me, that was enough. I liked the game, the charm; it was alluring to me.

There are many many things I wish I could have told my younger self in those years. When the bible says guard your heart, it wasn’t kidding.

So many nights I would lay there crying because I felt used and useless. I had finally given, in my opinion, all there was to give - and the fact that it wasn’t enough was so destructive. I got used to using sex as a tool - for connection, to feel something, to feel worth something. I had used it to feel wanted. I used it out of lust, out of selfish desires, and it left me completely empty and drained, spiritually and emotionally.

All I’d ever been told was that it’s a sin, and growing up in a christian home, I never questioned that. I never had a reason - nor the confidence- to dig deeper and ask, “Why?”
Why does God not want us to have sex before marriage?
Everyone else does it?
Why should I follow bible in that sense anyway?

I continued to dabble in this lifestyle until about 2 years ago. I still had this way of thinking, that if I liked someone, sex was all it took to seal the deal. I continued to use it as manipulation, and at the same time tried to use it to fill this gigantic void I felt in my heart.

You might be thinking, “If it was so destructive to you, why didn’t you just stop?” That seems to be the right answer. Just, don’t do it. Unfortunately, sin tends to be fun, and intriguing, and captivating. Sex is fun, and desirable. It’s something that most men and women not only enjoy, but crave. We long for affection, physical touch, affirmation, connection. We desire those things deeply, and that’s something God placed in us on purpose.

So the answer would be, I didn’t want to. I was giving my brain and body what they wanted, and that was satisfying. Yes, there were times I felt convicted, but the desires of our flesh are the strongest of any. In that moment, it was worth it to give my body what it was craving.

Eventually, I wedged myself between a rock and a hard place as God’s voice in the back of my mind continued to surface. I tried telling myself - and God - that from now on, I would only do it if I was in a serious relationship with someone who I thought I could potentially marry. Deal?? That made it seem okay. However, even trying that, I still found myself desperately looking for fulfillment. My soul wanted something more, and sex became not enough. It was an ugly cycle of emptiness, temporary pleasure, and back to emptiness, and it was exhausting.

The further I stepped into my faith, the more convicted I felt about being sexual with whoever I was with. No matter how I justified it, I couldn’t shake that feeling of guilt, like I was trying to hide something, and shouldn’t be doing it. One of my good friends was asking me about my sexual boundaries, and why I had just now recently set them a little higher. I realized didn’t have the answers, and all I could say was, “I’m not sure, I just feel like…”. Being put in that position pushed me to jump into this concept of “sexual sin”, what the Bible says about it, and what I think about it.

Before I get into it - I want to make a few things clear. I am a christian. I follow the Bible. I don’t follow a religion, because I don’t like what “religion” offers most of the time. I don’t believe that our works on earth are what save us or make us holy. I don’t believe that being a good person, or a godly person, or saving yourself till marriage gets you into heaven. I believe that the Bible is God-breathed, and true. I believe that it is all true. I believe that God sent his only Jesus Christ to die on a cross purely out of love for us. I believe that your faith is what saves you. Once you make the decision to follow Jesus and accept him into your heart as Lord and savior, you are saved. However for most people, the hard part is walking that out.
“If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." Romans 10:9-10.

A few notes that I know to be true about God:
He’s a lover.
He wants nothing more than for us to truly know him, and and allow him to work in our hearts.
He’s forgiving.
He doesn’t condemn, or scold.
He’s a father.

There are many more, but I wanted to touch on these.

Many people have this preconceived idea of God. That He is scary, or mean, or judgmental, or only loves you if you are straight, or go to church, or pray every morning.

And thats so far from it.

He’s interested in us all the time, for who we are. He’s unashamed and more than proud to call you His own. When you see those cheesy bumper stickers or billboards that say, “Jesus loves you,” they aren’t lying. And I know for people who haven’t had a good experience with Christians or church or maybe even God, it’s extremely off-putting and corny and you really want nothing to do with any of it, and that’s understandable. I have seen christians do a poor poor job of showing others what God’s love looks like, but ultimately - we are imperfect.

I wanted to speak about God in a way that reveals his heart for us. Some people look at the Bible as a book of rules that you have to follow in order to be christian, or to receive love. After 24 years, my views have slowly shifted from rule book, to love letter/instruction manual. God wrote us a book, to not only help us understand him and his insane love for us, but to help us benefit from this life.

When we open a box of something that we don’t know how to assemble, we go for the instructions first. We trust that the one who made it, or invented it probably knows how to best operate it or put it together.

In the instruction manuals for power tools or even cleaning products, you can bet they have a “WARNING- DO NOT” section. They’re making sure we use it in a way that is safe, and most beneficial for us.

So why, do we give more credit to the one who made the bleach label, than we do to the God who created us?
If you believe that God created you and me, and he created sex, and gave us sexual desires, it must make sense that he would somewhere give us the instructions for the most beneficial way to use sex, and handle those desires.

I don’t like to be told what to do or how to live any more than the rest of you, but God isn’t forcing me to believe in him and his word, and I think thats the beauty. He offers us a life that the world can’t, and says, “heres how.”

Here are a few reasons that make sense (to me) why someone would consider waiting.

1. Boundaries are good for you - not just sexually but in all aspects of life. It’s healthy to want, to hold yourself accountable, and to not always satisfy your cravings.
2. Sex is meant to bond - and thats exactly what it does. Bonding, not only in the most physical, intimate way, but emotionally too. It feels normal and natural because its the deepest way that we show affection, but God directs us away from heartbreak with this boundary.
3. It makes some things easier- dating is an essential part of life, some of us get lucky on the first try, and for the rest of us, it takes a few times. breakups without sex are so much less destructive on our hearts than trying to separate yourself from someone who you’ve connected to closely with.
4. God wouldn’t have mentioned it if he didn’t think it was worth mentioning. - delayed gratification! God MADE sex for marriage. He guarantees that when we use it in the way it’s meant to be used, it’s much, much more beautiful.

This isn’t an attempt to tell anyone how to live, this is simply something thats been on my heart for several months. I wanted to share some of my personal journey dealing with this topic that I don’t think is talked about enough.

Most people want the best of both worlds, and dabbling is what I did for a long time. Why would someone choose between a nice car and a nice house, when they can just have both? We don’t like to wait, to want, to give things, up, especially when we might not even know why we’re giving them up, and that’s understandable. If you’re reading this and it sounds like complete garbage, that’s fine, this way of life isn’t for everyone.

There are always always going to be areas of the Bible that we can find loopholes for, if we really want to tinker with what we desire, and what God desires.

It is a choice, and its a choice I’ve had to make over and over - and over. Lots of tears, wonder, mistakes, heartache, and researching to form my own conclusions, but it has all been completely necessary to lead me to this moment.

my name is ally tsiatsos: that would be (cha-chus) OR (ti-ot-sos), whatever floats ur pontoon. i’m greek. i’ve been alive 24 lovely years. i have a mother, and a father, a brother, and one very handsome boy, blue
(he’s a golden retriever which I think is irrelevant but feel should be included). anyway, this is me, my life, my words, my emotions, my thoughts. i enjoy painting, picture taking, and piano playing; lol didnt plan the matching p’s but we’re gonna let the cards fall how they may. i also enjoy creating, singing, adventuring, and early mornings with my bible, Jesus, and a cup of peppermint tea.
~ i would absolutely love to hear from u wonderful ppl so feel more than welcome to reach out or respond to anything that catches ur little hearts.
xoxo