Can we stop normalizing motherhood for a minute?

NOTHING ABOUT MOTHERHOOD IS NORMAL. What works for one doesn’t work for the other and if instead we could stop cornering others and realize we’ve all been backed into a corner because here in the States, society doesn’t place motherhood on the throne that it should in fact rest upon.

Instead, we're thrust in a corner and made to work like we don't have children and mother like we don't have work. Instead, you're a stay at home mom and what do you do all day anyway?

Motherhood is a foundation for pillars to passively rest upon. Attachment parenting, gentle parenting, free range parenting, helicopter parenting; anti vax, pro vax; breastfed or bottlefed; rock and hold to sleep or cry to sleep; cosleeping and crib sleeping and time outs and time in’s - what would your motherhood look like without a label attached to every action taken every second of every minute of every hour of every day?

I'll tell you what you'd have. You’d have a journey of labor and love and experience and hope and promise and joy.

You'd have peace that felt holy because you'd recognize that you, my beautiful mother of a friend, are fearfully and wonderfully made.

You're strong as a mother. ✨

I didn't realize how much anger had/has consumed my life until time was on my side.

Picture this:

Waking up to a loud alarm that throws you out of bed, making breakfast for two, breastfeeding one, "please sit down and eat...", "sit down and eat, please.", "SIT DOWN AND FINISH YOUR FOOD", grab your shoes, you need a new shirt, let's brush your teeth first, "I'm sorry you can't buy lunch at school...", "No, you can't buy lunch at school.", "I already packed you a lunch.", "EAT THE LUNCH I PACKED.", "We're running late!", gotta go back in and change a diaper, she needs a new outfit, get back in the car, baby doesn't like the car so she screams the entire way, get to school and paint a happy face, "HI!! We're great, how are you?!", drop the two off with hugs and kisses and have good day's while fighting the tug in your heart and tears in your eyes.

This doesn't feel right.

The ride to work is quiet and as you walk up the sidewalk, late again, people give a "knowing" smirk and you shrug your shoulders and say, "no lottery ticket today!" and walk as fast as you can to your classroom to drop things off while hugging and kissing and "have a great day"ing your oldest. You rush back to your duty and begin your day so you can pour everything you have left into the children of people who don't know you beyond your last name.

This doesn't feel right.

Halfway through the day you leave to go feed your youngest baby because she won't take a bottle, forfeiting your planning and lunch.

You leave work, the oldest wants to stay and play but you've got to be at the daycare by four or they'll charge you extra for both kids. You get both kids, the youngest wants to nurse. The middle babe is having a meltdown because he's been to overstimulation city and back; you're carrying two backpacks, two lunchboxes and the snack bucket that you forgot to get snack for.

This doesn't feel right.

You get home. You breathe in the driveway while you're walking to get the mail. I'm so tired.
You argue with your kids about grabbing their things because, "I JUST DON'T HAVE ENOUGH HANDS" and you go inside. You remind your oldest to do her homework and then your middle wants homework so you create it, the baby wants to nurse again so you pop her in the carrier and wear her while making dinner one handed because your breasts are engorged from desperately needing to be emptied. Your shirt gets soaked.

This doesn't feel right.

You make dinner. Daddy comes home. There's a rush to love him and meet him. Please finish your homework.

Everyone comes to the table.

The favorite part of our days and three gratitudes are given by all and then it starts. "Please sit down and finish your food." "Just eat the carrots." "SIT DOWN AND EAT." You leave the table to draw a bath for the baby in the sink and for your middle babe in the bathtub. The oldest begrudgingly takes a shower.
You get the baby down and then you breathe.

"MOM, WIPE MY BUTT."

You help finish the baths and feel grateful to have a husband that's a partner and has cleaned the kitchen.
You tag team with your husband and each read with a child, say prayers, tuck them in and collapse on the couch to get lost in the proverbial scroll that is life and then remember that you have work to do because you didn't have planning and couldn't stay late, again.

You fall asleep on the couch and are jarred awake by the first of many nightly feedings. "I'll get caught up tomorrow."

It's tomorrow.
It's happening again.
This doesn't feel right.
You don't have the snack.

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This is what our postpartum Mama's are doing. It's no wonder they, WE, have anxiety, depression, psychosis, and/or rage.

They've only just started getting to know their body's upon birthing a baby and are shoved out the door with a nice pat on the butt and whispered words that cut like a knife, "You're strong. You can do this. They'll know the sacrifice one day."

The real secret?

Women ARE strong and WILL sacrifice anything they have to - but not without a cost.

Mama's, your mental health is not for sale.
You can turn the noise off with ONE simple yes.

- Allie Demes

Here are my TOP tips on how to reduce anger in the moments.

Unclenching your jaw will help to instantaneously relieve tension in your jaw, cheeks, and neck - in turn, beginning to send a signal to the rest of your body to calm down.

Breathe deeply starting in the pit of your stomach. Breathe in for four seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds, and slowly release for 8 seconds. According to the American Institute for Stress, “Deep breathing increases the supply of oxygen to your brain and stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes a state of calmness. Breathing techniques help you feel connected to your body—it brings your awareness away from the worries in your head and quiets your mind.”

Affirmations make way for self-encouragement and helps your mind focus on the truth that you are working to expand. Oftentimes when anxiety begins to turn into anger, it’s because we feel overwhelmed or chaotic - by saying, “My direction is clear”, you are able to redirect your brain to the task at hand.

75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated which then, has detrimental impacts on irritability, brain fog, and much, much more. Stay hydrated and drink that water!

Like, share, and save! Tag me in your stories when you grab yourself a glass of water - celebrate it!