I recently went through a breakup and for once it didn't hurt.
But let me tell you why...
It's not from getting older or being in several relationships in the past, but what they say about women is true we do mentally check out before the relationship actually ends. You're probably wondering what's the point of waiting, I can confirm it was mutual so no one got hurt and I knew
we were both on the same page about things, so I had some time to process this break-up until I was fully ready to leave.
My point is you can go to friends or family for advice but deep down you know what to do, and your loved ones can try and encourage you as much as they can to leave (and I understand if they do if you're in a abusive relationship) but at the end of the day realistically you will only leave once you're ready.
You know those opposing voices in your head? Yeah, once they all agree then you're probably good to go. Yes of course I shed a few tears I'm not completely made of stone, but I was already at a stage of acceptance - I was ready to move on. So don't look around and compare other
relationships to yours, just pay attention to your partner, to your own actions and feelings.
I started to realise when I felt happier when I wasn't around him, and that's clearly not ok. Anyway, if anything I had more to think about regarding myself and my actions during the relationship and what I could've done better for myself and for my ex. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t anything dramatic, but sometimes there were trauma based responses that came out that I didn’t realise were still there. So even though I have made a lot of progress, I knew I still had a lot of work to do and let’s not forget that healing is a life long process and this is why it’s important to be patient with yourself but this is how we learn and grow, so I’ve forgiven myself and started therapy. This small step has made me feel so much better just knowing that I’m doing something about my behaviour. I'm taking action and making that leap forward.
And of course, this advice probably isn't well suited for those who feel like they're in danger in their relationship and by all means try to leave asap if you can.
But to finish off, don't be too hard on yourself, ok? If you're currently unhappy in your relationship, do question why you're hesitating to leave and think about whether what you've been through in the past has anything to do with why you're still holding onto this person.
Breaking up is never easy, but in the end, it will actually be okay. You just have to go through the hard part first unfortunately.