OCTOBER 10, 2022

LMAOOO FUCK YOU

ok “pogi mo hayme”

hugs!

hay, seryoso na nga kawawa ka naman 😊 HAHAHA it's been a while since the last time i wrote here, i hope you don't mind me bringing this back just for today.

to irish, i know it's been a little tough but everything is going to be alright :') hindi man ngayon yun or bukas, but it will eventually get better! remember what i said ha? your feelings are very very veryyyy valid and there's nothing to be sorry about, you're allowed to feel and get angry. hugs with consent bb <3 love na love ka ni rika! good luck with your classes this week, i know you'll do really great!

and to hayme, still the most prettiest boy i know... eme HAHA hope yer doing fine :') namiss kita! pero sakto lang syempre, sino ka ba naman kasi para mamiss ano? kulit mo pa rin and yer still very very noisy + annoying (lovingly). continue being that kind of person, if you change iiyak ako sige HAHAHA. I don't have any more appropriate words and thoughts to say, some of them are just a bit emotional to share T_T anyway, stay safe and happy okay! atsu will forever be proud of you.

JUNE 11, 2022

Decided to skip April and May nalang since it takes a lot of work to go back and read everything again 😭 maybe i’ll write a summary nalang of how the past few months went para hindi mabigat basahin HAHAHA anyway! i hope June treats us well! wishing the best for the both of us and praying na this month would be gentle

For the past 4 months, it's been a wild ride ano? i just wanna start off by saying thank you. you don't know how much you've helped me these past 4 months and i want to let you know na i really want to stay with you for a long time— hangga't kaya natin. you made me realize a lot of things, hayme. some of those realization were good and some were bad but it's really great to learn a lot throughout this journey i have with you. we went through the boring days phase, that honestly made me sad and overthink a lot. patuloy pa rin naman kahit minsan may mga lubak sa daan. basta kasama ka, okay na. but I'm really glad na we’re past that na! truly and genuinely glad.

After a long hard week, we finally made it through! hugs to you for doing so well, love. I hope you treat yourself nicely this weekend and rest up! also, Happiest birthday hehe 🤣 wow iwaizumi hajime (28) athletic trainer na yan? HAHAHAHA, happiest birthday pretty! i hope you had a blast today :] i thought of making you a carrd but i thought na it would be better nalang if andito yun!! para nasa iisang place lang mga message so just in case you feel down or what, you can always go back here and read!

I couldn't think of anything good na gift nor surprise so i hope me playing the lyre made you happy kahit onti lang hehe :] i learned angel baby just for you! couldn't find any tuts sa strawberries and cigs kaya ayun t__t i’m running out of words to say na but happiest birthday ulit! i love you!

btw may guest tayo sa mshake ?!

.. surprise?

HELLO HAYME MI LOEV FROM THE STAR, it's your day !! I hope you enjoy every second :P TANDA MO NA BADING XD alam mo ba minsan lang ako swertehin and meeting you was one of my lucky moments. you're always there to help and you never fail to humor me (kahit bardagol lang habol mo sa akin >:[ /j) I loev every moment we had together. you, me and tsumtsum ;) padalhan mo ako ng shanghai pls !! mwuah loev you so much :*

— zeki <3

happy birthday, hayme! pasensya na sa late na pagbati, nawa'y naging masaya naman ang kaarawan mo. palaging mag-ingat, lalo na kay atchu. 😅 bond soon! god bless always!

— kei

HAYME NAMINNN HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! INGAT KA LAGI AND I HOPE WE TALK ULIT VERY SOON HEHEHEHEHE MISS U SLIGHT PRE

— iya

Happy Birthday Hayme!
I hope you enjoyed your day today, if not edi kasalanan mo na yun' HAHAHA joke. Happy birthday pre! hindi tayo close nor have I ever had a conversation with you, but I do know you're a good person (base on how you treat atsumu). I wish you well and I truly hope you enjoyed your day! Ingat lagi at usap siguro soon? 😎

— ru

APRIL 2, 2022

Happy April! i’m beyond proud of you for surviving another month! please do give yourself a pat ! :D i know i’m late again, but i hope you had an amazing week! mine was fine, thinking about it now i think a lot of things happened. As i write this and i’m checking my gallery and notes ko para alam ko kung ano ba mga naging ganap HAHAHAH.

You sent a picture of your dog pala! forgot what the name is… i think it was… camila or was it carmela ? ang fluffy niya tignan haj </3 akin na lang yan HAHAHA. i sent you din pala a fanart of you as a basketball player, nakakaulol grabe. if i remember, you went out din pala no? i truly hope you enjoyed your outing. i also went out that day, t’was fun too! kaso we waited for an hour para lang makakain hahahaha.

—

“normal lang bang maguilty kasi maganda buhay mo? ewan HAHAHA kasi hindi ba ang buhay natin, balanse? pero bakit 'yung sa akin these days more on nasa masayang side. joke, hindi naman masaya. peaceful lang. feeling ko tuloy, deserve ko ba 'to? then ayon kanina, habang nakatingin lang ako outside, ang dami kong iniisip. mas gumagana talaga utak ko kapag madaling araw eh.”

— Yes, it’s very normal to feel guilty kasi maganda buhay mo and yes sobrang deserve mo yan.

“sometimes, it's okay din to detach yourself from everyone. it's okay to leave everything behind for a while so that you can choose yourself first this time. it's okay to take a breather. ayan mga naiisip ko, and syempre gusto ko ring sabihin sa'yo 'yan.”

— you’re completely right. detaching yourself from everyone can also be an act of self-care. detaching from everyone is not selfish ano? it can really help us as you said nga “take a breather”. thank you for telling me this hayme :)

“it was supeeeer exhausting, pero that actually cheered me up (kahit na hindi naman ako malungkot). napaalala ulit sa akin ng trip na 'yon how beautiful my life is. it feels great to be alive and to experience this. i want to continue waking up para someday, mas marami pa akong magagandang makikita. cute lang ano? in a world full of negativity, mahirap makakita ng dahilan kung bakit gusto mong mabuhay. sinong mag-aakalang simpleng ganito ang magpapaalala sa akin kung bakit nga ba gusto ko pang mabuhay? simpleng rason lang, pero grabe 'yung binigay na epekto.”

— it warms my heart to know that your trip cheered you up. Also, how come you're so good with words, Hayme? I'm sure I've asked you that question before, but even if you keep denying it, I can't help but admire your ability to articulate your thoughts and feelings. It's truly reassuring to read those words. I hope you feel this way for a long time, it's nice to hear from you how much this simple little getaway has given you a great effect. Sometimes a short trip away from home is all we need ano?

Looking at the pictures and screenshots saved on my phone, dami mong kalokohan ha !! /lh HAHAHA (natin actually) “hahaha ako lang naman si hayme ang dentista mo sa umaga” ,, craulo k tlga AHHAAHAH hay, isa pa tong “what are your pronouns” banat mo , san mo ba natutunan yan? HAHAHAHAHA god sobrang chaotic nating dalawa, sana okay lang tayo </3 HAHAHAHA. Isa pa tong bffs na nag k-kiss ,, oops issue HAHAHAHAHA.

You using my reaction pictures, typing the way i type and using the crying emoticon… i find it really endearing. When you call me endearments, nakakakilig. Remember when I asked you to be my bff? HAHAHA sorry but I need to gatekeep you na! kidding. If it’s not obvious, I really love taking personality quizzes or just any quiz in general. It’s so fun to see what the results is kasi! I love doodling and drawing random shit din, it’s fun lalo na when i send it to you. I still have a lot of doodles na hindi pa na s-send :D btw, thank you sa mga song recos!

I noticed na you’ve been very maharot and makulit ah AHHAHA. I think this was the most maharot and makulit you’ve been since we started talking. from the mummy jokes, “pero tayo may connection”, “parang baby ko”, and god— ang dami pa HAHAHA. I really love it talaga when you’re being malambing and cute sa akin :( idk i find you really wholesome n adorable since hindi ka naman ganon HAHAHA (oo na ang cringey bkt ba) it’s like a rare moment for me eh /pos.

The picture you sent is really pretty and beautiful. ganda ng mga ulap no? I love sunsets talaga, it’s very comforting and somewhat therapeutic to look at.

I think there’s not once a dull day with you hajime. Wait— baka oa lang ako HAHA, there were some dull days but we somehow always get a fun energy (?) if that makes sense. anyway, may tanong ako sayo ji— do you ever wish you’re tall? HAHAHAHAHA god, that question is really funny.

Dami mong pakilig hajime, haynako ka /lh. nakakasakit ka na sa puso ko ha /j. I’ve been sending a lot of poppy and snowball pics pala HAHAHA sorry, i just love them both so much. Congrats on getting Ayato pala! the rituals we did was worth it, very much deserved!

Also a little exposing chumu time! HAHAHA, alam mo ba nung march 29— we were so.. i don’t know how to explain it but i felt so warm, giddy and soft. nakakakilig ka non gago, haahhaha. sa sobrang sarap sa pakiramdam yung nangyayari satin, I wanted to say fuck it and tell you how in love i’am with you. bumigay na ako nung march 31 HAHAHA, finally said those words. sarap sa pakiramdam yung nailabas mo na yung matagal mo nang gustong sabihin.

Hayme, Thank you for always listening to my rants ha? thank you for being there when i need someone the most, you’ve been a really really great friend to me haj. Thank you for always making time just to comfort me. nakakagaan sa puso. i remember you saying “i’m here” and i swear i started bawling. that simple reassurance really helped. alam mo, i can say na you're very affectionate and caring even though you don't show it that much. also just so you know, kahit kailan hindi ka magiging istorbo sakin ok! I also just want to thank you for always being open with what you feel and for always giving out the best advices and words. proud to say na na-aapply ko yun sa buhay ko !! thank you for being the best person I could ever ask for :)

a little message from present time tsumu/eri (May 17 - 1:00 am!):

I’m proud of you hayme, and nakikita ko naman na you’ve been working hard. Don’t forget to take breaks okay? that’s one of the most important thing when it comes to self care! kaya I hope you’re not neglecting yourself !! >:( ika mo nga “resting for a little won’t hurt you”. I also want to tell you na it is OKAY to feel low, tired or burnt out sometimes. all those emotions that we feel are valid. These past few weeks have been quite overwhelming for me as well pero tuloy pa rin ang buhay since sabi nga nila! “Just because you're having a bad day (or week), doesn't mean you are having a bad life.” !! we’ll be okay :) good and better days are coming.

Take care of yourself. I love you, rest well love!

MARCH 27, 2022

Hi haj ! :D happiest weekend! i’m proud of you for surviving another week and for finishing a lot of your tasks! i’m proud of your efforts and how you’re always trying to get things done! you’re an amazing and brave person hayme (and mun)! how did your day go? i hope it was okay and good! i’m gonna try my best to write this quickly since baka hindi mo maabutan pag late ko na to nasend t_t HAHA.

anyway, i know ang late na pero i want to reply sa message mo sa akin! this is gonna be a little long so get ready (?) HAHAHA. first, i honestly feel like hindi naman ako consistent sa mga ganto HAHAHA. thank you for reassuring me na it’s okay for me to feel and show emotions, nakakagaan ng puso t__t if you ever feel like ranting, you’re safe with me, you can tell me anything and everything that’s going on inside your mind. “there are a lot of people whose days are more bearable because someone like you exists” and i want to tell you that too. thanks for making my life more bearable, hayme. thanks for always taking your time to listen to the songs i send ha? i really and truly appreciate it! kakilig din kasi you said na gumawa ka pa ng playlist >:D i will never get tired of sending you songs (especially the love songs hehe). alam mo, i noticed na these days ang harot mo na. ikaw ha, baka hindi na 1/2 yan hindi mo lang sinasabi sakin ;) HAHAHA. i’m glad na i make you feel loved na parang spoiled brat na alagang-alaga AHAHAHAH. thank you din for making me feel happy, loved and taken care of. thank you for making me feel like i’m enough, jiji ko. and yup! i’m a bit shocked na you noticed that HAHAHA. i’m usually very maingay and madaldal when the person i’m talking to is not reading the stuff i send kasi i tend to get nervous? like pag nag t-type ako tapos naka online/seen ka lang sa convo natin, i get shy HAHAHA pero minsan lang naman yan nangyayari, depende sa mood siguro? AHHAHAAHHA. and that is true! i do “LOVE” sharing a lot of things and buti naman you like it when i spam you HAHAHA. speaking of “spam” messages, i’m thankful na you still reply to every message i send :D nakakainlove ka bff. thank you rin pala for suggesting the tabby cat extension and also the carrd! i look at that every time i get anxious in class or if i’m feeling a bit off. your messages helps me a lot :D thank you jiji ko!

okay, moving on! HAHAHA. do you remember that one time we were answering and sending e/o some random questions? i don’t know if you still remember pero there was this one question about “assuming” na i didn’t get to answer kasi i told you na s-send ko sayo yung explanation ko but i never sent one HAHAHA im sorry. the reason why i never “fully” assume it’s because mas better sakin yung sasabihin talaga ng tao. nag a-assume ako oo pero i never get my hopes up until sabihin nila sakin HAHAHAA if that makes sense.

thanks for always making sama sa akin sa genshin ^^ hehe ang cute parin talaga ng heart island picture natin! did you see my layout pala sa baklasayo? HAHAHA it was so hard to find a matching icon pero in the end i found a perfect one <3 anyway, i hope i’m not being a pakielamero pero i want to know if you still talk your friends? HAHA, idk that thought just suddenly came when i was scrolling through tiktok. i hope you’re still in contact with them! if yes, tell them na i said hi and i hope they are all doing just fine!

MOVIE NIGHT

tw: mention of suicide.

“there's beauty in the most unexpected of places. And that there are bright places even in dark times. And that if there isn't, you can be that bright place... with infinite capacities.”

“The thing I realize is, that it's not what you take, it's what you leave.”

“The great thing about this life of ours is that you can be someone different to everybody.”

“The problem with people is they forget that most of the time it's the small things that count.”

all the bright places is such an amazing movie. grabe, naluha talaga ako dun. my favorite scene is the one where they write what they want before they die. ikaw hayme, what do you want to do before you die? HAHAHA, i know this might be a sensitive topic but it’s a nice thing to talk about right? or ako lang? HAHAHA. if you ask me, i like traveling and going on roadtrips or different places. i want to go somewhere with all of my friends or family ng kumpleto kami. that’s the one thing i wanna do before i die. anyway, this movie is really great kaso it can be a little bit triggering for people who is suffering from mental health illness no? but nonetheless, it raises awareness naman about how it effects the person suffering from it, and the people around them.

about why the houses in films are always dark, based on my research sabi nila na it gives more character? some of them said naman na “it's simply a creative color timing decision used to impose an aesthetic on the visual narrative.” :0 !! galing ng mga director and film editors no?

i remember the meaning behind a shoe tied on a tree but i can’t explain it that clearly (?) kaya i had to search up a more comprehensible one HAHAHA. you know the spring day mv naman diba? the bts one? well, i learned the meaning because of that music video! so, shoes tied together and hanging from tree branches signify that someone has died. shoes are hung like that in many cultures symbolize the death of the owner and to place them high up so that their owner can easily find them again after death. It may also symbolize that they are now in a higher place. i learned din na the shoes are extremely symbolic since in Korea, it is a common act for someone to remove their shoes before committing suicide :( that’s really sad right :(

CONT.

speaking of mental health, you asked me if i’d date a person na may mental health problems. to answer your question, i would pero alam mo yung mga hindi ganon ka-lala? if that’s understandable HAHA. alam mo ba calling you any sort of endearment makes me nervous and shy, ewan it makes me feel very funny and kilig. i also love kissing you, galing mo humalik lods isa pa nga? charot. HAHAHAHA, if you ever feel uncomfy from the endearments and idk kisses (?), sabihan mo lang ako ha?

ingat at stay safe hayme and mun! have fun later and enjoy! i’m sorry if i sent my “end of the week musings” late again t__t i’ve been lazy these days so i hope you understand! hehe ingat ka ha! mwa mwa <3

ps. it’s your choice if you want to reply or not :D you’re not obligated to reply to my messages always ! + if i made any mistakes sa letter, i’m sorry ! huhu i’m trying to send this before you leave kasi eh :(

MARCH 19, 2022

Hi Pretty Boy

as usual, another week comes another letter. i hope hindi to nakakasawa HAHAHAHA how was your week haj? was it good? i hope it was! i’m proud of you for persevering :) you did a great job. i decided to put the weekly serotonin/messages/musings here na lang para hindi na hassle sa telegram.

una sa lahat, i want to give a little heads up na i’m not really feeling the best rn, i’m sorry if there are some parts sa message na a bit dull or sad. while writing this, i’m getting a little emotional kasi life can be so unfair sometimes no? anyway, i learned a lot about you. thanks for telling me facts or stories about you. i love it when you get talkative HAHA. i noticed din na you’ve been giving me a lot of “mwa-mwa” recently, umamin ka na crush mo ako no? HAHAHAHAHA joke. napansin ko rin na nagpapacute ka na sakin, ikaw ha— may hindi ka ba sinasabi sakin? HAAHAHAHHA.

alam mo, ever since you said “bad days are normal, and it’s a proof na balanced buhay natin. that’s okay, bawi ulit tomorrow” i kept that in mind. like, when i feel like i’m not feeling very great ayan na yung iniisip ko. thank you nga pala for always offering help pag malungkot ako or something, i truly appreciate it. thank you for always cheering me up and for telling me na there’s nothing wrong with showing emotions hahaha. i find it embarrassing kasi when i show people this side of me. parang hindi kasi bagay sakin yung maging malungkot no? HAHAHA. you’re a good friend hayme, thank you for always making me feel okay. i’m here lang if you need someone ha? will always be here.

anyway, nung nawalan kayo ng kuryente ang daldal mo nun HAHAHA. gulat ako kasi i was just playing with poppy tapos pag kita ko sa phone ko may 35 messages na from you. thanks ulit sa mga bagong song recs! HAHAHA. I still can’t move on from the “galon na green” picture, hindi ko alam kung bakit tawang tawa ako dun. babaw ng kaligayahan natin grabe HAHAHAHA.

i feel like the “love you” was the highlight of my week. grabe ka, gulat ako non. sabi ko na nga ba u love me eh <3 /p HAHAHAHA. and also, please do bother me for the rest of my life— i would really love that. galing mo rin manuyo btw ,, or baka under lang talaga ako kaya ang bilis ko bumigay sayo HAAHHA. dami ko kilig sayo lalo na yung sa “what if i say i like you too” mo :// bahala k n nga jan konti nalang talaga masasapak na kita (ng pagmamaha— charot lang cut)

actually fun fact, iya introduced this website to me. she made one for me dati. it feels a bit bittersweet to use this na… but anyway HAHA. i hope u sleep early sa sunday para good mood ka ulit pag monday na :D you told me kasi u don’t wake up grumpy na when you sleep early.

you did an amazing job today! alam ko naman na napagod ka sa paggawa ng essay. i hope you rest na after reading this or i hope you’re resting well before reading this HAHAHA. i hope you’ll spend your weekend well! i’m proud of you. goodnight! i adore you, akin and i’m glad you exist.

MARCH 14, 2022

hi hayme :D

kagulat ba may pa-website pa akong nalalaman? HAHAHAHA. i know i’m 2 days late sa weekly “musing” ko, sorry for that! dami kasing nangyari this week kaya it was a bit hard to write everything down. don’t worry, hindi ko naman nakalimutan to HAHAHA nung friday pa nga ako nag p-prepare pero i got busy kasi sa school. this is gonna be a long one kaya buckle up! i don’t know if i’ll start writing the weekly musings here or maybe this is only for this message. pag-isipan ko na lang mamaya :D anyway, how did your week go? a lot of things happened no? HAHAHA. bago ako maging madaldal, i want to tell you na i’m proud of you for persevering haji ko. i’m proud of you, always. before you say na “wala naman ako ginawa” like what i said nga sa previous message ko, it doesn’t matter if you didn’t do anything, di naman kailangan ng achievement lagi para maging proud ako sayo. sending you lots of hugs and love kasi you did a great job!

if i’m being honest, my week was a bit crazy. dami nangyari and a ton of emotions were released— nonetheless, this week treated me well kahit madaming gawain at tambak AHAHA. we didn’t talk to each other that much today, how was your day naman? hope it was good! mine was stressful, had to finish and submit a lot of things pero i know my hard work will pay off ^^ ! grabe, i just realized this week ko lang pala nakuha si snowball :0 feel like it’s been so long na HAHAHA T_T i completely lost track of time. nga pala, thank you for making the haychu stickers :D that was probably one of the most memorable thing that happened. i know you said na madali lang gawin yun pero i still appreciate your time and effort for making those !!!

alam mo, besides the haychu stickers— what happened next is probably the most memorable and my favorite. highlight of the week ko siguro yun HAHAHA. hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na crush mo din ako 1/2 HAHAHA. aaaaaa, i felt like i won something big that day. this would probably sound cringey and corny pero alam mo nung sinabi mo yun sakin, i didn’t feel those butterflies inside my stomach— instead, i felt calm and safe? ewan ko i just felt really soft and warm HAHAHAHA. don’t want to say this out of the blue pero i just want to let you know na i’ll prove it to you everyday that i like you. like… a lot HAHAHA. enough with that nga mas lalo ako nagiging soft HAHAHA. i told you already na i really enjoy spending time or playing genshin with you and zek diba? hay, i’ll never get tired of saying that :( my favorite people <3 i hope we can play more soon ! HAHAHA, malapit na ako mag ascend kaya masasamahan na rin kita :D onting grind pa ;D

i feel like i haven’t thanked you properly for always replying to my long ass texts and sending me good luck messages. i really really appreciate those :( thank you hayme ! thank you for always giving back the same effort :( thank for always listening to whatever shit i say and thank you for making time for me kahit medyo busy ka. nakakakilig ka talaga ,, totoo ! promise ! AHAHHAAH thanks nga din pala for the new songs ! dagdag nanaman sa playlist HAHAHAH. ay did you know? i enjoy giving you stupid annoying nicknames and i also enjoy making you cringe HAHAAHHAHA. idk i just love making fun of you. pangit mo kasi legit like fr no cap im ngl.

oh ! watching the notebook with you was fun! that movie is so sad and painful. kahit na madaming pinakita si allie pati noah na red flags HAHAHA. omg share ko lang pero i searched some quotes up kahapon and aaaaaa let me share one of my favorites !

“So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.”

“We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has only happened once, and that's why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it.”

“I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours. ”

“You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. I treasure each side, just as I have treasured our life together.”

hay, mapapa sana all ka nalang talaga D; ganda ng quotes diba t_t !! btw, gawa ka na ulit ng pl ;D follow ko agad yan HAHAHAHA. the spotify session yesterday was fun din! i really enjoy your company. alam mo ba, i was thinking of romantic shit when i was making that “late night with you” playlist HAHAAH hirap talaga maging hopeless romantic pAxensia n Bhe </3 HAAHAHAH. anyway, i think that would be all D: i hope you had a great day haji ko ! if not, sapakin natin yang bad energy >:( bawal yan dito !! i’ll head to bed na after i send this to you ! promise yan :D sorry pala if this “musing” was a bit mediocre and magulo + sorry if may typos or grammatical errors T_T ang sabog ko na sorry HAHHA i will do better next time :)

📝: since monday naman na, i'll include the start of the week message ko for you ! :D

hi ^^

monday na ulit :( i hope this week will treat you well. we’re gonna go through another hell week pero okay lang! kaya at kakayanin natin to :D baka hayme pati atsu to 😎 HAHAHA. as usual, good luck sa classes mo and sa mga gawain! i hope you’ll get enough rest, hayme ! hindi maganda yung walang tulog lalo na may klase ka mamaya !! baka hindi mag function properly yung brain mo >:( can’t think of anything else to say na since i’m v tired >:( i’ll make bawi sayo ok? ok! have a great week pangit! mwa mwa <3