Recommendation #1

This book is full of insight and opens us up as readers to really allow ourselves to examine how we live our lives. It encourages us to gain perspective, question our thoughts and beliefs and arms us with the confidence to live better lives. I really love how Glennon has taken our hands and allowed us to walk through the pain, the joy and courage she has faced in her life. I love when an author can show us their vision through their own eyes and leave us with a different perspective, something I value so much!. Great read!!

Recommendation #2

“Sis, don’t be afraid of failure. Be afraid of never achieving anything at all because you were too afraid of what others might think of you for trying.” ~ Rachel Hollis

How many of us have held ourselves back from following our heart, taking that leap of faith, doing something new and exciting ... all because we were fearful of others opinions??

Rachel gives us multiple opportunities to self-reflect. AND this one got me really thinking hard. “Is your schedule populated by things that will make your life better, or is it dictated by everybody else’s wants and needs?”

The excuses we tell ourselves stunts our growth. There is no truth there. This book gives us permission to throw out the lies and embrace our dreams while creating positive momentum in our lives. Highly inspirational book!!

Recommendation #3

This book came at the perfect time when I felt my personal world was upside down. Relationships dear to me were in strain and I was at a point in my life that I was experiencing extreme sadness as if I was grieving a loss.

Lysa does an impeccable job at comforting this idea we all have that life is going to look a certain way. But, most of us can agree that it generally never does. However, through faith and finding perspective, Lysa shows that we can find unexpected strength when disappointments leave us shattered.

She shared a few things that have stuck with me and were excellent reminders.... “To trust God is to trust His timing. To trust God is to trust His way. God loves me too much to answer my prayers at any other time than the right time and in any other way than the right way.”

“Father,

I come to You today, a woman worn out from trying to do everything in my own strength. A woman ready to accept Your invitation to surrender. Today I say that I give up. I give up carrying the weight of all that’s too much for me. Take this, Lord. Take all of this hard and all of this hurt and shatter it just right, so I can be made stronger, more beautiful, and able to withstand fires like never before. I trust Your love for me. I trust Your plans for me. And I trust You will use all of this for good.

In Jesus’ name, amen.”

My silent health struggle- Written Sept. 2018

A silent struggle I have been living with for awhile now, but I’m finally ready to share my story with Breast Implant Illness (BII).

3 years ago was a time I had looked forward to in fact I told my husband way before having kids that I was going to put my body back after having them which meant a boob job.

I was thrilled to swap out golf balls in a tube sock for perky beautiful implants.

I was told by my surgeon that they were completely safe in fact they had an implant cut in half to show there was no way for leakage and they drove it over with a car to prove it wouldn’t pop.

Shit I was golden...sign me up!!

Little did I know that slowly my body would start to take a toll.

My symptoms didn’t come all at once in fact they came singly and randomly over a year and a half, but each time something new came, my body started to decline.

First, it was the quick weight gain 10-15 pounds in 2 weeks. Then it was the chronic fatigue which left me with a physical pain all over my body that I can’t even fully describe. Insomnia was in full force and I got maybe an hour of sleep a night. This meant for me to get through the day to somewhat function at night, a nap was needed. Like couldn’t function without one.

Extreme bowel issues that became chronic which I’ll leave you to imagine what that was like.

Then my hands. Dear Lord my hands. They started hurting so bad I remember not being able to unscrew the jelly jar to make my girls lunch for school. It progressively got worse so I thought maybe I broke my hand. I went to urgent care and they did an X-ray. Nope not broken BUT they said I needed to see my PCP and get additional tests run.

Off I went.

Sitting down listening to my PCP say “ok your age and your body, something is really off so we are not going to mess around. I’m going to test you for everything including a whole lot of autoimmune diseases.” Walked upstairs to have what seemed like a box of tubes taken of my blood and a week later I went back in for the results.

Nervous that I might have RA, Lupus you name it what came out of her mouth was not what I had expected... Vitamin D!

For four months I went on a high dose of vitamin d and then went back in to retest
my levels. Whew, all in all they had risen but I was a lifer for vitamin d daily. “Ok, I can so handle that I thought to myself.”

My energy had improved but during this time my arms and legs started to go numb and my hands and wrists were unbearable at times. I thought I was going crippled before my own eyes. I knew something was seriously wrong.

Concentration became difficult and multitasking... well forget it. I could barely focus on the one moment right before me. I started to forget things or not have the capacity to actually sift through my thoughts. It felt like I was living in the clouds.

Then I started to notice yes notice I was having pains in my arms pits and chest every morning. Weird I thought!

My head started itching so bad every day that I thought I would scratch it until it bleed. Thankfully it didn’t, but I was stumped as I had zero dandruff.

And over the course of these 8 plus months I had been sick so much! Like sometimes I was the only person in the house to get the cold or flu. And it was violent every time! I would be left with a dry cough for months. Annoying is what it was!

Then I started to noticed my eyes weren’t bright anymore. In fact, they had a slight yellowish tent and were blood shot all of the time.

Little did I know that while all this was happening my daith piercings in my ears were no longer working. In fact, my headaches were so severe it would put me in bed barely able to move and they would last for days. They would run from my top jaw up and around my head down my spine and sit in my hips.

Oh don’t let me forget the chronic hip pain!! Constant radiating pain 24/7 which meant my legs at night would cramp to the point I would be left in tears many nights.

I didn’t have the energy to workout but that was the only thing that would give me some relief at least temporarily. Hot yoga was a life saver and walking on the treadmill gave me strength. However, I would leave the gym and an hour later be in so much pain head to toe. I didn’t tell anyone really I just thought what the hell is wrong with me. I was gaining weight so I wasn’t about to quit working out but yet everything I did was making me feel worse and worse.

And let me not forget the anxiety I was facing! Thank you lord for Zoloft!! I don’t think I could have done it on my own without it over those months. I was drowning silently and couldn’t see the shore.

Did I mention through all of this I am a wife, mom and CEO of a large organization?

So, I did what I always do...I dove into positivity! When you feel rotten and nothing seems to be going your way you absorb absolutely everything that gives you life and you let go of anything bringing you down.

Then July came around, and it was time for a couples trip with my family!! Off to Nashville we went. What a fun time we had!! But half way into our trip in fact one night specifically I started to swell. And when I say swell my entire legs from my feet to my stomach swelled almost double their size. You talk about pain OMG!

When I returned home I knew that while “nothing” was wrong with me per tests I needed to do something to better the quality of my life.

So more tests and more tests I asked to get run. Food sensitivities, metabolic tests, hormone, adrenal, cortisol, thyroid, metals and the list goes on!

I had done some research and found a Naturopath that was extremely diversified in his services and I saw nutritionist and acupuncture. Sign me up!

After meeting with him, I knew it was love at first sight! Get your head out of the gutter I’m a happily married women. I knew I had finally found a doctor to spend time hearing me, listening and gathering everything about my life before delivering what was going on with me. He started with when my mom was pregnant with me, every zip code, life situations you name it! And then he wanted a week to research while also running more tests!

The day had finally come I would go in and he would tell me I had this and I would treat it and be on my way!

But instead my world stopped!!!

As he talked to me over the next hour, I heard “You actually have 13 things going on and your body is running at about 27%. And without being able to do a test I believe you have breast implant illness and because symptoms can cross over with one another but also be very different I want to test you for Lyme disease.”

My next question was “So getting my implants out will make me feel better? How soon? Like end of the year, next year sometime...?” He said, “No by the end of the summer!” It was August. 😢

Talk about emotions swirling inside, tears forming and then a little bit of panic setting in on how am I going to afford this? We are building our dream home what are we going to do.

That was old fearful beliefs...thank you lord for my business because I got home and realized I didn’t need to worry about that I could pay for the entire thing in cash.

You see months before I had been watching one of my business partners on Facebook share her story of BII. At the time I felt terrible for her and was praying like crazy for her but never did I ever turn the finger towards myself and consider that might be happening to me too.

I seriously thought, “Things like that won’t happen to me, it happens to others.” Denial denial denial!

Luckily, this brave woman that I had been watching and following found one of the top surgeons to do a full enbloc meaning he would take the full capsule in its entirety out leaving nothing behind wait for it... in Costa Rica.

I immediately reached out to her and she added me to a couple of support groups on Facebook. After 72 hours, I booked my ticket, paid the deposit and made the decision to get back my health!

Today, I am post op day 3 and I feel like I have life back in me. I have a long road ahead of healing and detoxing but I am so thankful that I took charge of my health and future!

Getting this surgery done here in Costa Rica has been the absolute best decision of my life.

This journey has helped me to find TRUE self love. It has allowed me to fully embrace my TRUE authentic self.

My tests came back and I do have Lyme Disease and it is something I will live with, BUT I refuse to let it mold me or define me.

Getting BII brought to light the Lyme and now I can tackle it head on.

We all have this unbelievable strength inside us all and if you tap into your inner self you will be equipped with everything you need to tackle anything thrown your way.

If I can help just one person as my friend Rachael has done for me, then I have done my job!

Because, there is no me without you Rachael! Thank you for saving my life by sharing your story and by being you!

❤️ Brandi

I was given a second chance! Written Sept. 2019

So many emotions come flooding in when I look at this photo that was captured last weekend. That smile you see is pure gratitude! Those veins popping out of my head is pure excitement. This very time last year, I was in Costa Rica recovering from the biggest surgery I’ve ever had to gain back my life after being faced with Breast Implant Illness!

This past year has been full of physical recovery and detoxing BUT most importantly it’s been about acceptance and emotional healing.

As women, we are faced with pressures and insecurities and most often times it starts at a young age. I grew up watching everyone around me look at themselves in the mirror and adjust or critique how they looked every chance they got. I saw young girls, moms and even older women glance at themselves while walking beside stores so they could catch themselves for a brief moment adjusting what they saw.

I felt the pressures of that even in high school and college making sure I watched what I ate and worked out like crazy. Why?

When I became a mom, I quickly felt ugly and big and uncomfortable in my own skin. Nothing about my postpartum body went back to what I started with and let’s face it my boobs were no different. After having my second baby and feeling as if there was something wrong with having deflated saggy boobs that I had breast fed two babies with for a total of 27 months I turned to surgery. 😢

It was because of my own insecurities that I felt the need to change something that I would give anything to have back!

I had the big boobs the boobs as women we all wish we had, but honestly I wasn’t completely happy with them either. In fact, when I got sick I hated them. I wanted to turn back time or just cut them off. I remember being angry and ashamed and feeling this guilt of why didn’t I ask more questions and why didn’t I do more research.

The fact of the matter is, even if I would have asked I probably would not have been given that information. Which is the very reason, why I am using my painful and vulnerable experience to share light on something not many will talk about because it’s a “private matter.” It’s because I was never given the risks that I was putting myself in. It’s because thousands and thousands of other women are fighting for their lives this very second. Do I believe plastic surgery is all wrong, no! But, I do believe everyone should be given the risks involved and what could happen if something goes wrong.

My implants microscopically leaked in my body and made me extremely ill. It didn’t come on all at once but over a year and a half I was facing some harsh realities that I might not live through this.

So, you might just see a girl laying on a sidewalk next to the pool. But, to me...my smile and flat chest shares it all. I’m stronger than I thought. I’m a warrior and I wear my scars with pride! I’m just a girl that thanks God every single morning for giving me one more day to live!

Perspective is something that shifted in me. The small stuff, the insignificant things I use to obsess over is no longer given a second thought. I know that stress and heartache is not something I tolerate not because I won’t because I can’t. So, I attach myself to positive things and positive people for a reason. Call me crazy or just call me smart! 😉

I’m overwhelmed by the 100+ women who have reached out to me since I shared my story thanking me for sharing something they never knew anything about but after getting surgery themselves are getting back their lives too!

So share my story, use my example to save the women in your lives a lot of heartache and health struggles. They deserve to know what I didn’t.

Today, I am healthy AND happy AND fired up for life!!

❤️ Brandi

It’s been two years! Sept. 2020

Wow! Another year has gone by. It’s been two years since I had one of the most life changing moments of my life. You see, after I was struggling with my health for well over a year and finally coming to a place, I had answers, the only thing I could do was to fully surrender. Surrender over to God, surrender over everything I knew “as sure” and trust fully in my team of doctors, nurses and caretakers.

What a surreal moment I was in. Flying to Costa Rica without my husband and without my girls to embark on a huge operation that was hopefully going to save my life. Leading up to that moment, I had a flood of emotions coming in. Was I slowly dying and would this be the end? Will my girls have to grow up without me? Will Neal be able to give himself permission to love again?

I kept mum about it all. In fact, some of the closest people to me didn’t know that I was going through anything. Let’s just say I got really good at hiding my invisible sickness. Most days you couldn’t physically tell anything was wrong with me. But, inside everything was screaming for help, slowly drifting away. The only reminder I had, was the intense amount of pain I felt in every spot of my body.

I got asked a lot by my friends and family why I didn’t say anything. Well, believe it or not I had gone so long with doctors telling me nothing was wrong so I started to believe it was all in my head. Tragic! The burden people face when told that nothing is wrong, weighs heavily on their souls. I held on tight to anything that would keep my head above water, mostly work. My work allowed me to escape temporarily. I had a purpose that was filling my bucket and people counting on me. There was no way I was going to go MIA.

So, after getting the news and settling with all the feelings that come with, “you are running at about 27% and if you don’t get your implants out now, they could kill you.” I turned it over to the man above. All of it! For once, I wasn’t in control and I wasn’t going to ever be in control. I am not one to settle well with the unknown without a plan, or having step by step of how everything might look. I’m just a girl that likes to be prepared. Leading up to my trip away, I told those few people that knew what was happening to not share their opinions or concerns with me. I was adamant about that. I needed to preserve a positive space to allow my brain and peace to lean on God fully. I knew he had a plan and I had to trust it no matter what the outcome would be.

When you are faced with a moment like that in life, it’s really easy to get perspective on things. To sit back and realize that most of the things we spend our days mulling over and stressing about hold no weight to what is really important, when shit gets real.

For me, I was facing the possibility of having to kiss my husband and girls for the last time. I was facing the possibility of breaking a promise to my girls that mommy would come home no matter what. A promise that if broken would crush their tender hearts for life. An effect that would run much deeper than me leaving but would affect the ability to trust anyone moving forward in their lives. I felt this immense amount of weight as a mom and as a wife.

Neal and I had hard conversations of, “What If.” I wasn’t expecting to have to make sure our Wills were in line and everything about my life was known and my wishes were understood. Whew, the tears are streaming just thinking back to that time that surrendering everything over was really the only thing I could do.

I hopped on that plane with my cousin, who flew out with me for the surgery. I knew I was only going to have her for 2 days before she headed home while I healed at a recovery ranch for a few weeks. That flight was long but also peaceful. We did what we always do, snuggle up together on the plane under a blanket. Don’t judge sis! I don’t know anyone who likes to freeze on an airplane all alone. Morgan and I have been snuggling since babies, so it only makes sense that we still do in our 30s. This is the part where I remind you, not to give a shit what others think of you. I needed her touch and comfort. As much as I can say I was good and was going to tackle this head on, I still needed my big sis to remind me that I was going to be ok.

Once we arrived in Costa Rica and got settled in our cabin at the recovery ranch in the rainforest, we headed into town to meet my surgeon and go over my pre-op checklist. He was the most compassionate and reassuring man I had ever met. I fully trusted in him and his abilities to save my life. He looked at me and asked if I was nervous, and without hesitating I said, “No, because God is with me and I know you are going to have your best day of work on me.” And yep that’s how the story goes.

Eight hours later I had a full capsulectomy where my surgeon removed the capsule of tissue that formed around my breast implants. He took them out as a whole making sure that nothing leaked back inside my body. Watching back the video of my operation it's surreal. Watching my own heartbeat behind my ribs and see this body that was given a second chance lay there in faith that I would awake. It was in the moments that would hit me in the days ahead where I had to let my body fight like hell to recover and heal, that I knew that I was going to BE OK. That I was equipped with everything I needed to use this time in my life for the better. To share my story with other women who feel alone and think they are slowly dying like I did. To be an example that we all can do HARD THINGS.

There was a time after receiving the news that I needed this operation where I questioned “WHY ME?” Funny to say this out loud but, I knew without a doubt God was going to use me and has used me in bigger ways through that experience to inspire women and hopefully show others that it’s not the hard times that break us it’s the after part that makes us.

❤️ Brandi