Fighting Depression. . .
HOW I FIGHT DEPRESSION
Hi Sunflowers! 🌻
What a wonderful life to live and celebrate. Today, my blog is a little sensitive to talk to. We are all living in our outmost best to survive life. I am in my early 20's and I am proud and loud to say, I had depression and was slowly able over come it. Most of us, especially in todays situation, COVID-19 Pandemic is no joke at all. Not just because its deadly but it brings so much stress and depression to everyone.
We heard so much with STRESS and DEPRESS in the most negative way. Human being whose characteristics are unique and adaptive, we tend to adjust on Covid-19 occurence. We are on a trial and error process in which the increasing rate of Non-Covid-19 death is dangerous. Originally, the normal life we had is slowly fading and the birth of the new norm is rising. On Industries, many struggles with the 30-50 percent accomodations while maintaining the strict health protocols. Much of the industries declared bancrupy. Many employees turned unemployed. Above all, students goes online or module education.
According to datas presented by the Department of Education, over 70 percent of student population turned out of school youth due to NO internet connection or hassle module learning.
In todays situation, I have and will have more struggles ahead. Why my depression occur and how did I manage it? Well, to tell you frankly I am a type of person who's bravery is beyond measurable. But with the current situation, my bravery was questioned. In the Philippines, the pandemic and strict lockdown was announced in mid-March of 2020. We are all locked up in our own home with No work, no pay, and budgetted food to eat only. Many were thankful as the President announced NO COLLECTION OF PAYMENT for all loans, rents and bills in time of lockdown. I am one of those. After 3 months of strict lockdown, industries were given a chance to open their businesses and the nightmare occured. A disastrous nightmare to all who has to pay bills, rents and loans is immeasurable. With lots of unemployed, loans, rents and bills collectors became monster on collecting payments. I rarely cry but I did when I spoke with the legal officer of my motorcycle loan company. The company is asking us to pay the full amount of the delayed motorcycle payment. I cried because I am furious and upset to the company at the same time. I know they need to survive because they need to pay the salary of their employees but they must show sympathy to us too. My anger grow even more to think I paid for 2 freaking years of the 3 years already. We are not going anywhere. For goodness sake! They filed the motorcycle for Repo-- (2nd hand) so they may resell it again. Jesus! How should I calm down?
Thank God, the legal officer is very understanding and gave us 1 month to pay the delayed whole payment. But still I cannot complete that payment. Its too much. 11 thousand pesos is too much to handle with this pandemic! Everything isn't normal at all?! I cried everyday for 2 weeks thinking, searching where to get that money, calculating everything! On the other hand, I ask help to my brothers thinking they may help me with this since I help them most EVERYTIME and this is the first time I will be needing their help but I got insulted in return. The other proudly said, "I will help you pay that motorcycle but I cannot give much since I have two kids to raise." Hearing those words made my eyebrows flinch. In my head, "Wow, how arrogant you sounded boy. I provide 75 percent of my salary to feed your two kids whom you left to us because you just give a dime that is not worth a cover." Then, I ask my other brothers and for the second time they just said sarcasticlly, "You're asking a help from us who suffers from shortage." I got furious, I cannot contain it anymore. I told them, I seek help just this time and you feel and sounded so arrogant. They told me, "Go get and live for yourself." I felt stabbed and it hurts so much. I worked hard to pay that for 2 years so that they can go to school easily. I sent them to school, give everything they ask and I get this in return.
I feel cheated. I cried hard. Hard enough to turn my heart stone-cold. I continued to smile whenever others looked but I cry river when I'm alone. I cry my heartaches to God. I asked His guidance and love to penetrate me so I may feel I am loved. I have read a quote saying, "Give up on what weighs you most." I tried it and after 2 weeks, I feel a little fine. I fight my depression by asking His guidance and love. And if you do not know how, I tell you, you may cry river and be vulnerable to Him but do PRAY because the most powerful thing to fight depression is by praying. Surrender all your thoughts and pain, let go of your pride and arrogance and let Him love you for who you are. 😊
Thank you for reading my blog. Praying for good health and your peace of mind, my Sunflowers! 🌻😊
Love,
Chingkai 💕
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