Have you ever felt the weight of something?

Maybe stress with the new lifestyle changes, school, or schedule?

What about a change in a relationship?

Have any of those physically pulled on your heart strings?



Recently we’ve all come out of a different kind of stress, the stress of a pandemic. The changes in our every day life, illness, and the loss of loved ones.
How we all react and respond to different kinds of pressure..in my opinion..it’s all figuratively Okay.. some will cry, some will keep themselves busy, and some will find another source or outlet to move through what they’re feeling.

In the last fifteen months I have a walk-through loss in different ways. Last year my husband and I discovered we were unable to physically create new life due to a surgical error. We had spent time picking out new names planning where the baby would go in the new nursery and how our lives would change. The excitement of diving back into newborn stage filled us with such joy and hope. When we discovered the procedure that was done was not reversible and more than we had believed we were taking on- it was devastating. It was just days before my oldest birthday, and I was struck with grief. Almost as if a death of a future hope much like what women experience in a miscarriage. The loss of some thing I may not have had yet or known completely but so loved. One year later a dear friend lost her son just before his 12th birthday. Grief of losing a child or the possibility of having a child hits you in a way that creates a rippling effect through future generations. When grieving and lamenting through these losses I have come across a common misconception. “Push through” and “press in” are not necessarily enduring statements to deliver to those who are hurting. I understand the sentiment behind it, they are just another way of saying “be strong”. However when walking through grief and seeing others living and grieving, there should be a silent assessment. This woman, she lost someone she knew for over a decade and in sadness or loss of words the term “be strong” or however you put is not words necessarily something to be spoken. As mother or a woman expecting and struck with miscarriage, with the loss of a future hope.. the grief sits and I believe so many of us think that we should just skip the lamenting in the morning and the crying and jump right into joy. Go on push yourself to be better, just smile, work through it and get over it..are you kidding me?

Something died. Whether it was the life unseen or someone you knew, as believers we know that life goes on to be held with the heavenly father. But there is a loss here on earth the imperfect world we live in. To believe that the Lord creates life and all the ways he brings us joy with beauty and a gift, when that leaves us, it does hurt.

I’ve seen others I care for deeply feel things they haven’t felt before. A relatively new friend of mine lost one of her very best friends. See both women spiritual giants, both women very mature and their walk with the Lord, both women inconceivably strong, both women loved the Lord. One woman lost her battle after being diagnosed with Covid. The other was left deeply wounded and to deal with the loss of a very close friend and yet just two weeks later the very same woman carrying pain already lost her mother. She confided in me and expressed to me the anguish and agony she was going through. And yet how believers surrounding her, church members continue to tell her to “be strong”. Frustration is unbearable, those around her understanding what pain feels like and yet not recognizing it. For anyone to think that because you know the Lord, you walk with him so well, and you follow his commands and love his word ..that you don’t feel pain..that’s not how it works!

If you would like to put yourself in the position of speaker at the service.. strength to you. You are placing yourself in a pillar position.

In my opinion, I believe pain is not something measurable.

If I were to say to you “Hey! Poke me in the eye!” As you stand in front of me.

Then follow that with, “then tell me if it hurts!”

Are you able to?
Do you know if it hurt my eye?

You did the poking, you made an assessment.. Did it hurt? How much?

*we cannot let fear of sorrow keep us from being there in silence and prayer.

The woman I spoke of previously, the one who lost her battle with COVID-19. Was a spiritual giant, an epic life with great wisdom. The Lord blessed her with many talents such as; baking, sewing, gardening, and of course a lover of the Word.

She was my Aunt Linda.

Although she can’t see this. I will write it here. I will pray it allowed. I will blow it from the trumpet.

I can feel your silence like a thousand pounds.

The sadness swallows me up in waves with heights unmeasurable.

The tears have not yet fallen, for the Father is my comfort.

Yet to breath unbearable, to move like rusted seized hinges.

I stare into the clouds believing I will see you again, while your boxed ashes sit before me.

All that I am, so much of what I know, a great piece of me awaits in heaven.

While here on Earth I wait it hurts.

I love you, I miss you so badly. Thank you for teaching my to love the Lord and cherish his word.

See you later..


I have to wonder Yeshua is this what you felt when Lazarus passed? These feeling we are created with you know them all to well my King.

I lament for my joy come in the MOURNing.

**this is a photo she took one month before her death** her caption- “Out walking found a lonely chair”