Let’s Heal Together Workbook: The Breakup Edition
AVAILABLE IN PRINT OR EBOOK!
PRINT ISBN: 9781735856605
EBOOK ISBN: 9781735856612
Wait...Who is Cordelia?
Cordelia is an ally for people of all races, ethnicities, nationalities, classes, abilities, sizes, shapes, orientations, & placements along the gender spectrum.
She has a Bachelor’s of Science in Psychology and a Juris Doctor degree, and by day, she is an attorney. By night, she runs the Instagram titled @codependentrecovery & she hosts the podcast called We Heal Together. She is a survivor of abuse, and she has taken to the streets to help others heal.
We Heal Together & @codependentrecovery are for people: (1) working on loving themselves, (2) navigating codependency + shame + trauma, (3) surviving emotional abuse + physical abuse + NPD abuse + sexual abuse. Both provide people tools, knowledge, resources, and recommendations for books/music. Most importantly, both provide safe spaces for people to heal together, and it highlights stories and commons struggles people are facing.
She has two dogs named Watson & Huckleberry. She loves them more than anything, and they are the best pups in all the land!
TOP PICKS
This page contains:
(1) my top book recommendations
(2) my break-up playlist
(3) my recommendation for US residents that need help finding affordable counseling.
CODEPENDENT NO MORE BY MELODY BEATTIE
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie
Order on AmazonWHY DOES HE DO THAT? BY LUNDY BANCROFT
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry & Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
Order on AmazonCOMPLEX PTSD BY PETE WALKER
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma by Pete Walker
Order on AmazonThe Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.
Order on AmazonI Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) by Brené Brown
I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough" by Brené Brown
Order on AmazonWhy Won't You Apologize? by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.
Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.
Order on AmazonRage Becomes Her by Soraya Chemaly
Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger by Soraya Chemaly
Order on AmazonThe Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women by Jessica Valenti
Unspeakable Things: Sex, Lies and Revolution by Laurie Penny
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work By John M. Gottman, Ph.D. and Nan Silver
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert By John M. Gottman, Ph.D. and Nan Silver
Order On AmazonThe Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi, Ph.D.
Breakup + Feel Good Playlist
I made this playlist, and it has helped me get through some tough times. Enjoy!
Listen on SpotifyAffordable Counseling (Open Path)
Assists in finding affordable counseling for US residents. Individual sessions range $30-$60
Visit Website
Self-Healing Resources
Find helpful PDFs + worksheets for your healing.
This page contains 35 different FREE self-healing resources (with links) to things like worksheets for you to work through on your own, feelings wheel, various exercises, & tools for you to use.
Vocabulary of Emotions
-According to Thought Co., emotional vocabulary is “the collection of words you use to express their feelings and reactions to events.”
-Use this PDF to build a better vocabulary to identify your feelings/emotions.
Gottman’s Feeling Wheel
-Keep handy to improve your emotional vocabulary + practice digging deeper than the “primary” emotions.
Click for WheelLindsay Braman’s emotion-sensation wheel
-I like how she took one step further. She writes, “It’s an adaptation of the “feelings wheel” that many therapists and educators use to help people learn to better recognize and name their emotions- But my take is a little different: the outer circle of this feeling wheel swaps emotion-names for descriptions of the physical sensations that often accompany feeling that feeling.”
Click for Wheel10 Ways to Rediscover Your Self-Worth
Tips for Healthy Boundaries
The Four Agreements
3 Ways to be Good to Yourself
Mindfulness in Daily Life
Gottman’s Sound Relationship House
Gratitude Journal - Prompts + Templates + Apps
-This provides a great background on what a gratitude journal is, prompts, templates you can use, and apps.
Click for InfoDr. Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Exercises
-8 total exercises you can do on your own.
Click for ExercisesDeep Breathing Exercises
Thought Log
-Utilize to help change your thoughts.
Click for PDFBoundaries: Your Circles Worksheet
Codependency Packet
Codependency Questionnaire
Codependent Relationships: Beliefs, Attributes, and Outcomes
Codependency Worksheet
Core Beliefs Worksheet
Daily Thought Log Worksheet
Automatic Thought Record Worksheet
Assuming the Worst Worksheet
Use this to work on “assuming the worst/predicting the future” cognitive distortions. NOTE: this website makes you read the instructions for at least 60 seconds before it allows you to click to download the PDF.
Click for PDFDecatastrophizing Worksheet
Decatastrophizing is about exploring the reality and facts of a situation rather than letting yourself be carried away by thoughts of “What If...?”
Click for PDFChallenging Negative Thoughts Worksheet
20 Questions to Challenge Negative Thoughts
Getting Rid of ANTS Worksheet (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
Facts or Opinions Worksheet
Positive Replacement Thoughts Worksheet
Questions for Challenging Thoughts Worksheet
“I Feel” Statements Worksheet
Letting Go of Our Self-Definitions Worksheet
Positive Self-Talk Worksheet
Positive Self-Talk + Coping Thoughts Worksheet
Click for PDFSex & Gender Messages
This worksheet helps you unpack where you learned various concepts around sex + gender as a child.
Click for PDFHelp to Talk about Sex with Partner & Figure What You Like Worksheet
This could be used to help you navigate conversations with your partner or figure out what you like.
It covers things like...
-what you want to do.
-what you like sexually.
-if you like toys and lubes.
-what turns you on.
-boundaries (on what should/shouldn’t be said or done)
Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist
You can either use this as a mental self-evaluation tool or talking with a partner as you go through it together. Lists like this are not finish lines but starting points: for evaluating your own sexuality and/or for deeper conversations with someone else.
Click for PDF
Resources for Survivors
This page contains:
(1) Link to post with resources.
(2) Links to guides relating to abusive relationships (including, warning signs, financial tips, information for undocumented victims of domestic violence, the power/control wheel, how to document abuse, how to create a safety plan, how to help a friend, how to help a stranger)
(3) Links to various organizations to help your situation. It includes the following US based ones: domestic violence organizations, finding local domestic violence shelter, finding low-cost legal services. It also has a link for international survivors.
(4) Links to hotlines (including domestic violence, sexual assault, suicide). Also, includes links to specific hotlines related to the following communities: youth, Native American/Alaskan Native, LGBTQ, transgender.
(5) Link to affordable therapy/counseling (US).
(6) Link to Co-Dependents Anonymous
POST WITH RESOURCES AND INFO FOR SURVIVORS
RESOURCES FOR SURVIVORS!! Be sure to swipe through all 5 pictures.
Post with All ResourcesWarning Signs Someone is Being Abused
Warning Signs/Red Flags - Abusive Relationship
Financial Tips for Leaving Abusive Relationship
Information for Undocumented Victims of Domestic Violence
Power + Control Wheel
How to Document Abuse
How to Create a Domestic Violence Safety Plan
How to Help a Friend That’s in an Abusive Relationship
How to Help a Stranger
Domestic Violence Organizations (USA)
Find a Local Domestic Violence Shelter
Find Low-Cost or Free Legal Services in Your State (USA)
International Survivors
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Available 24/7 for chat & calls [1-800-787-3224] for women, men, and LGBTQ survivors of domestic violence. They also offer safety planning.
NDVH WebsiteRAINN (sexual assault survivors)
Available 24/7 for chats & calls [1-800-656-4673] for sexual assault survivors.
RAINN Website1in6 (male sexual assault survivors)
Available 24/7 chat for men who are survivors of sexual assault. Also offer support group meetings.
1in6 websiteLove is Respect (youth + young adult survivors)
Supports youth and young adults in ending dating violence. The website includes planning resources, legal help, educator toolkits, and more. [Can also call 1-800-331-9474 or text “loveis” to 22522].
Love is Respect WebsiteStrongHearts Native Helpline (American Indian & Alaskan Native survivors)
StrongHearts Native Helpline is a safe domestic, dating and sexual violence helpline for American Indians and Alaska Natives, offering culturally-appropriate support and advocacy daily from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. CT. Anonymous and confidential. [1-844-762-8483]
StrongHearts Native Helpline SiteNW Network (LGBTQ Survivor)
The Northwest Network works to end abuse in lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender communities. It strives to support and empower all survivors through education and advocacy. [1-206-568-7777]
NW Network SiteTrans Lifeline (transgender survivors)
Crisis hotline surviving transgender people (1-877-565-8860)
Trans Lifeline SiteThe Lifeline (suicide hotline)
The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. [1-800-273-8255]
Lifeline SiteAffordable Therapy - Open Path
Assist in finding affordable counselors, individual sessions range from $30-$60.
Open Path WebsiteCo-Dependents Anonymous
runs support groups for people struggling with Codependency.
Locate MeetingsInclusive Survivors of Abuse Survey
Thank you for helping me be more inclusive.
Thank you so much for agreeing to participate to help me understand YOUR story a little better. I want to work hard to be inclusive and mindful of the various people who come to my page and/or listen to my podcast. Your answers are anonymous.
I am an ally for people of all races, ethnicities, nationalities, classes, abilities, sizes, shapes, orientations, & placements along the gender spectrum. I want that to be more than a sentence. In the real world, I am a 30 year old white American woman. I can share my story all day long, but I think I am going to be unintentionally miss out on KEY things that I never had to face.
I invite you to help me be sure your story, community, voice, and experiences are represented. I don’t want this page or podcast to be only a white American’s guide to survival. As this continues to grow, I want to do my homework to be sure I try my absolute hardest to make this a place ANY human struggling with issues can come to.
In just a few weeks, I already have almost 2000 followers. As this continues to grow, I want to do my homework to be sure I try my absolute hardest to make this a place ANY human struggling with issues can come to.
For starters, I’m asking all abuse survivors, particularly those who are different from me, to take the survey in my bio.
OH HEY, FOR BEST VIEWING, YOU'LL NEED TO TURN YOUR PHONE