My Coming Out Story

And how I found out that I'm not straight

Ok so it all started in 6th grade. I found out about this amazing female singer, Melanie Martinez. Each day I listened to her music more and more until I became abnormally obsessed with her. I had liked other singers, too, but they were all guys. I had never been so obsessed with a female celebrity before. On top of that, she looked pretty asf to me. Her personality was perfect. I started buying a lot of her merch. I thought it was nothing because I knew that girls admire other girls. But boy did I know that what I had caught was feelings. Fast forward to 7th grade, I still liked her but I wasn't as obsessed. Well I met this other girl that would be my best friend for about 3 years. I don't wanna spill her name, so let's call herrr... Rosie. Well we started hanging out a lot. I started to catch feelings for her, but still didn't realize it. She was beautiful and her personality was energetic and outgoing. I loved being around her, no matter what mood I was in or what I was doing. Fast forward to the summer before 8th grade. That's when I realized that I wasn't straight. Well we both confessed our feelings towards each other and decided to date. We were a GF and GF couple. 8th grade came around and it was a secret to most people because I wasn't ready to come out. Well that bothered Rosie and tbh I can see how. So we broke up. But we remained best friends and our friendship got stronger. A few months later (still 8th grade) we decided to date again. This time I was out to the school but not my family. Once again, things didn't work out because it's hard to date someone who isn't fully out to the people that they are around a lot. But once again, we remained best friends. Here's where the story gets interesting: I technically came out to my family twice. The first time was in 8th grade (gay year, I know.) My brother somehow got my phone and figured out my password. Well he went to mine and Rosie's texts and saw all the flirty gayness. Get this, without informing me first, the son of a gun showed my mom. Well questions were asked and like the panicky, closeted homosexual I was, I lied. "Haha we were just messing with each other. I'm STRAIGHT. Trust me I only like guys..." They dropped the subject but I'm sure they didn't fully believe me. After that, I did some research on sexuality. I saw a bunch of homophobic videos and posts. I was young and cared about what other people thought of me at the moment. Summer before 9th grade I tried so hard to force myself to be straight. 9th grade begun and because of that, I acted on impulse. I dated a guy I only knew for 2 days. Tbh, I didn't really have feelings for him. I just wanted to be heterosexual sooooo bad and thought that dating a boy might help. About a month and a half into the relationship and I realized that I still didn't have any feelings for him. I also had a lot of guy friends that I didn't have any feelings for. But I still really liked Rosie. Well I came to terms with myself and decided to break up with the dude that I was dating. A few days later, me and Rosie were talking and found out that we both still had feelings for one another. We started dating with one exception: I would have to come out to my mom. So I did. The morning after we started dating I was sitting at my dining room table while my mom was in the kitchen right beside the dining room. We were talking and I finally gathered up all my courage, looked away, and said "I'm dating Rosie." She said "Okay" and the conversation was over. As for my siblings, I think they just caught on with hints. As for my dad, my parents are divorced and live a few hours away from each other sooooo I'm not really out to him. Only a few people on my dad's side of the family knows. But to everyone else, I was finally out of the closet. Free to date whatever gender I wanted. For the longest time I thought I was a lesbian because I wasn't as obsessed with guys as all the other girls were. Then I realized that I found some boys kinda cute. I also found transgender, non-binary, intersex, gender fluid, and everyone else kinda cute. Gender didn't matter to me. Well me and Rosie started to get in a lot of fights and broke up. We don't talk anymore, either. But I'm happy to have figured out that I'm pansexual. I know I still have a long, confusing road of sexuality and maybe even dysphoria/gender confusion (who knows) ahead. But that's my story. I'm going to the 10th grade now as a non-closeted homosexual. Thanks for reading!!