Leonardo Rhys & Lucille Rae

Part 1 —

My Twins

On November 4, 2021 I found out I was pregnant. I always had wanted to be a mommy, but nothing can prepare you to see a positive test. I remember taking the test and looking away for just a moment and looking down and boom.. positive! My life forever changed in that moment when I became a mom. A few days later, I found out I was pregnant with twins.. yet another moment my life forever changed. I was very fortunate to have a very healthy pregnancy during the first trimester and beginning of the second. I had been seeing both my OB and my high-risk specialist MFM. Every ultrasound, my babies looked so very healthy. My precious boy and my sweet girl were always so active during every ultrasound, and would always kick through out the day. Nothing could’ve prepared me for the worst day of my life.

Part 2 —

My Twins

On January 28, 2022 I woke up to contractions. I was 18 weeks on the dot. I remember waking up and feeling my stomach tighten and contemplating if I needed to go in or not. After a few minutes of thinking I called my OB and was told to come in right away. The moment the ultrasound technician started my sonogram, I immediately saw my cervix wide open. My cervix looked like a wish bone to put it into perspective, and right next to the huge opening was my boy’s adorable little face. My doctor came in to speak to me and had told me I was in preterm labor and needed to go to the Labor and Delivery floor immediately as these babies could be coming that very day. To say my heart was beginning the process of total breakage that morning is an understatement. I went into labor and delivery and spoke to the hospital’s high risk specialist.. the high risk specialist had said to me that I would lose my babies that day and if I didn’t that it was going to happen very soon. Word for word.. “I don’t see this pregnancy being successful.” I was told my body was in fact in labor, and I had a possible infection from going into labor so early.. I heard these words and broke down, but I knew I couldn’t give up hope.

Part 3 —

My Twins

I stayed in the hospital for 2 days following the horrible news. I was on contraction medication, bed rest, and told to look out for fevers just in case I had the infection the hospital warned me of. After 2 whole days since the initial check in, I was released due to maintaining stability over 48 hours. The contraction meds worked with my body and I was no longer going into labor. The first good news I heard. The first sign of hope. I came home to continue my bed rest and medication and everything was going great. On February 6, 2022 I walked back into labor and delivery with a bad fever. I was terrified knowing this could be this horrible infection the doctors had been warning me of.. the moment I got to the hospital my temperature went down and the hospital did not see it fit to investigate the infection any further. On February 9, 2022, my fever persisted and I walked back into labor and delivery and this time every bit of investigating was done.

Part 4 —

My Twins

I went through numerous blood tests, flu swabs, covid tests, blood clotting ultrasounds, physical exams to be told that they didn’t see any sign of infection through the results but the only way they could tell is if they do a test called Amnio. Amnio is when a doctor puts a big needle into a pregnant woman’s stomach that goes through the skin, through the uterus, into the baby’s amniotic sac and it collects a portion of their fluid and is sent off for testing. I went ahead and did the tests. If I did not have this infection, I would of been able to get something called a cerclage (stitching of the cervix) to prevent preterm labor and there’s a chance my babies could’ve survived. After hours of waiting, the amnio test came back positive for infection and I was told I needed to be induced. As a mother, I felt so strongly about waiting this out and seeing if we can make it to viability of babies which was 3 weeks away.. unfortunately my doctors did not give me that option because I was told I would go naturally into labor within a few days from the infection and if I waited a few days this could also be fatal to me. I was induced February 9, 2022 at 10:40pm.

Part 5 —

My Twins

I was in labor for about 8 hours. At 6:12am my beautiful boy, Leonardo Rhys, came into the world. I held my son and told him how much I loved him, I kissed him over and over again and cuddled him tight. My Leo was and always will be the most handsome boy I have ever seen. Forward to 7:40am, my beautiful baby girl, Lucille Rae, was born. My Lucy came out of me with a tear running down her face as I’m sure she was nervous being away from her brother for an hour and a half since he came so much earlier than her. Once she was handed to me she stopped crying and was content as I also held her brother in my other arm. Lucy’s life was also filled with nothing but love and happiness. The babies grandparents were able to come up and meet each baby and when they left we got more time to ourselves. My Lucy passed away at 9:20am. As the nurse called out her death, my son Leo passed away seconds after. The love my boy Leo had for my girl Lucy was indescribable. Leo was alive for 3 hours and Lucy an hour and a half. I truly believe my son did not want his sissy to go to heaven alone.

Part 6 —

My Twins

My babies were the most beautiful angels I have ever seen. I handed them off to our nurse once they passed for some photos of them before they started to visually look different. After my nurse finished their photos and handed me back my babies, I held them for another 2 hours. Those 2 hours were filled with me singing them all the nursery rhymes I sang them in our baths from pregnancy, and doing all the things a mama does for her babies. I sat on every bit of furniture with them in my arms so I could hold them from every angle, I stood up and held them and rocked them, I layed them in bed and tucked them in several times.. the hardest part for me through this process was saying goodbye to their physical bodies. I truly believe my babies are in heaven now with God and are so happy.

Part 7 —

My Twins

The aftermath of losing my children and my pregnancy all at the same time has been very difficult. I had to watch our nurse carry my Twins bodies down the hallway before I was wheeled out and knowing I would never physically see them again. I had told myself countless times that my babies don’t want to see their mommy in pain. Going home I forced myself to eat, to take a hot shower and to do my hair and my makeup. I spent time with family and I learned to cope. That very first day I learned how hard this process will be but I learned how to get by. In the days following, I have began to donate my breast milk to babies in NICUs as a tribute to my twins. I have spoken about my loss publicly on social media so other women who have gone through a loss know they are not alone in this. I look at myself in the mirror and I see someone so beautiful, someone I never knew before and it’s an amazing feeling. My twins have given me so much strength and shown me a love I’ve never known.. a love between a mother and her children, and a love between a twin brother with his twin sister. I am so fortunate to call these two babies mine.