toothpick legs

24 inch waist

mesomorph body type

Not every hourglass/mesomorph/skinny person loves their body.

I was your average petite, tiny kid that can eat a shit ton and still dont gain one kilo. When i was 9, i was 18kg at 132cm. "Severely underweight" persists in my primary school report book. Due to my unhealthy bmi, I almost couldn't qualify for NAPFA. (I did and got a medal in Pri 6 for having consecutive triple golds, don't judge a book by its cover.)

My body type may also be why puberty hit me later, as compared to my mum and sister. My mum would drag me monthly to TCM to get 增肥药 (medicine to apparently help you gain weight?) and i ate that for consecutive 3 years. I am a weird kid that likes the taste of chinese medicine but it was sad to have to eat medicine to gain weight as if my skinny body is wrong or ugly. Did it help? I was 25kg at 12. Judge for yourself.

Being 25kg at the height for 135cm to 140cm, my skinny frame was admired by many. I eat a lot more than my peers but still slim. For dancers, especially girls, you would have heard your China instructor occasionally telling people to “少吃一口饭 (eat less)” but for me the target is never me. duh.

Unfortunately for me, puberty hit me at the age of 14. That was the end of my "glorious" skinny body shape. In a camp, i ate a lot as usual and gained 4kg in 4 days. You read it right. 1 kg per day. At 14, I was 40kg at the height of 140cm. Not so ideal anymore, huh?

I grew 20cm over the holidays. Magic of puberty, right? In my head, I should have only grown vertically. But sike. When i stepped onto the weighing scale, i got a shock of my life. 42kg.

“What the hell? What do you mean shock? You know how many people want to be 42kg?!”

Well, that's the response I get if i say this to any human.

Well, for someone who has been the skinniest in the clique, I am now average. Not tall, not short, not fat, not skinny. I felt like i am a nobody. nothing. worthless.

I started to be obsessed with inches. 36. 24. 36. Best hourglass shape. As soon as I set that as my ideal, i started to workout like crazy and diet as well. To enable it, I am in charge of physical training for my CCA. I plan PTs by doing them twice and if I can survive it, I push myself until I can barely make it. Since I was dieting, I lack of stamina and especially during my periods, I will almost faint. 1. Cramps 2. Lack of nutrition But due to dieting and exercising, I earned myself my first 11 line abs. Beautiful. But short lived. Once I "retired" and study for o's, my fat potato ass is back to visit.

Entering JC, I joined Judo. Note: I am 44kg at 160cm. Again, i had to plan PTs. On days i don't have training, i would work out for 2h. Thanks to that, my 11 abs revisited me.

The next time I weighed, I saw a 5 and I hated myself. I remember running for NAPFA 2.6km and someone shouted "Thunder thighs" (til this day i do not know if its directed to me). I immediately got self-conscious. And i hate my thighs. H A T E.

But no, i didn't diet. Because I need to gain weight to fit into the 52 weight category. If i try to lose weight, i will be snapped into half by my coaches.

Now, I am 51kg at 162cm. 25 inches waist. Do i like my body? No. And I don't have to. Just because someone's body may be an ideal for another, it does not mean I lose the right to feel body conscious. Because I grew up viewing myself as ugly, it is almost habitual to scorn whenever I see my naked body in the mirror.

Instead of criticise and shut someone up with “can you be grafeful, you know how many people wish to have your body/face” , compliment them. Remind them with love. Shower them with praises. Tell them that they are beautiful. Tell them that they look great. Tell them that they winged that outfit.