lu & lena’s blog

This one is definitely going to be a rant. I can’t tell where it’s going yet but it’s midnight and I’m listening to the saddest of songs- today was one of those days where you can’t eat, or listen to the cashier asking you if you want a bag. Bags are extra charge where I am, can you believe that? As much as I would like to say that I love summer; I don’t. I detest it. The season of summer makes me feel a melancholic, and nostalgic sickness. I wouldn’t necessarily refer to this as PTSD, although a lot has happened to me in the summertime. The irony- the irony of everything good in my life ruined. My favorite songs, my favorite season, climate, my favorite things; such as driving with the windows down- on a chilly midwestern night. Those nights where you should be wearing a sweater but it’s summer, so your nose is runny but the late night drive with the rooftop wide open and a slushy in your hand hits different. Those nights bring back a such a deep feeling of sadness. How tragic. You managed to ruin everything I like. Or was it my fault? Giving YOU the power over me? Why did I let it consume me? Straying far from who I am I let you come in, I let you knock my walls down and break me. I let the love I felt for you drown me. As the masochist I am, I lived for that feeling. How is that sane though? How is that healthy? To allow someone to know YOU. How is it reasonable that beyond the doubt and fear I felt- I put it all aside for you? How is it normal that the small things that made me happy are things I can’t stand to look at now. Get out of my thoughts, get out of my heart and get out of every single book I read. Consider this your warning-
although in a fight we know who’d win.

Lu 🕷