Jojo the clown is kind of my diary, a personal blog where i can post poetry and sob stories inside of my heart anonymously..❤

Life is a novel full of mysteries. Like a novel, if life didn't have a climax, the novel won't be an award winning novel. So, we are asking the real question here, have you ever feel like a clown? Have you ever put years of effort on to something, then just a few days before you get a sweet victory, then it just fail in front of your eye and you are suppose to wait for 6 months more. Then you will wait patiently, just to hear that you can't achieve it, just be something else, something that you don't want, even.

So, have you ever feel like a clown? Like your very existance is just to entertain some unseen folk with your failures? Have you ever seen everything that you build just tumble down in one night, just like that? Have you stay strong just to go home as the clown?

As the clown dies, life goes on..

2020 is a year full of color, you may say.. its a year full of fantasy, even a me owning a dragon is more realistic than surviving corona virus and their bullshit that happen since the year begin.

But like the wise man said, *ehem, me* As the clown dies, life goes on. What more can we do but to mend our broken heart and wake up with a new spirit to get through the day? What more can we do but to accept that we have been cursed by the curse of being alive and just to go through it until the end? After all, the only life that we have will end at some point..

As the incinerator burn what's remain,
the grey ash will be blowed in vain.

Future or past they wont matter anymore,
as my heart will keep this sore.

I still remember when my cheek pained me of too much smiling,
but now everything that left are my eye crying.

Turn on a blind eye they say,
have a life drunk on love I may.

To think that i have sacraficed so much at the cold nights,
and yet I still manage to fuck up my Knight.

To acknowledge that in a few hour dusk will rise,
and yet I'm still left unwise.

The thought of tomorrow without you make me frown,
and the memory of you makes me ask, "haunt me, Clown".

R.k

Tossing and turning on the bed..
Rolling til the edge of the mattress..
Why can't I sleep?
"I'm right here", I said..
Then laugh the audience will go..
Did i say anything funny?

"Trust me" the snake said..
And off Eve with the knowledge fruit..
Thrown off the heaven they will..
And Adam will blame Eve for her innocence..
In the end they will blame Eve..
Eve..

"Please have mercy on me"
As you beat me with your silence..
As if my heart didn't matter anymore..
As if my feelings are just an illusion..
But here I am..
I'm always here, and you always left..

As the clown choke on her own tears..
When will this be over?
And silence..
Silence and silence only..
The clown is a sub..
And her safe word is sayonara..

Tracing back to the days of my younger self, I do unspeakable mistakes, indeed. As a mere human, breathing and alive, mistakes are inevitable. But as the years of my end becomes closer, the wiser I will be.
As content as I could be with my current wellbeing, the days of the past still haunts my sleep. How could I not? For I have promised you forever, but I just forsake it like that..
5 years have passed since we last talk to each other. It doesn't matter whose fault it is now, the past will always be the past. Thou I can't forget it, I have forgiven you for it. Have I ever crossed your mind, even for a glimpse of me? I can't lie, you creeped up in my nightmares lately.
5 fucking years have passed, can't you believe it? "We will go through this world forever", I said. Well, it has been haunting my sleep ever since I left. 5 years have passed, will you remember me when we crossed path later?
Don't get me wrong, I don't regret leaving you. Not a single remorse is in my heart. But the days of the past is still haunting me, day and night. Will you hate me?