To my best friend

First of all, Mer’ Christmas, Mer’ Christmas! I hope you had a wonderful holiday and are excited about the new year!

I kept a bunch of notes that I wrote (more like typed) over the years for you, and I decided to combine them into one big letter. So here goes..(get it).

Thankful that we crossed paths

There are truly no words to describe how much you mean to me and how grateful I am that God placed you into my life. It is crazy to think how our paths crossed—like what if I (or you) was born elsewhere. Imagine. We wouldn’t have had several 5 AM talks about our “ideal boys” in high school, we wouldn’t have taken several personality quizzes together at our sleepovers, we wouldn’t have had 12 AM or 2 AM skating sessions together, we wouldn’t have gone on cruises down ocean drive together on a whim, we wouldn’t have had our brief chats on the way to school and back, we wouldn’t have had karaoke sessions in the car, and we wouldn’t have sat in silence in the car together. We, of course, wouldn’t have known each other, and I wouldn’t be writing this now to express how much I love you for your heart and kindness to me. For making me not feel crazy, even when I know that I sound insane and have crossed several boundaries. For always trying your best. For putting things aside for me even when I know you struggle to say no at times. For always pushing forward even when you experience external pressure. For remaining authentic with everyone you know and meet. For accepting me at my worst and not judging me during my “highs” and for my bad taste of humor.

What I owe you

What I do owe you, among several other things, is a bunch of apologies. I am sorry for putting you through absolutely shit, especially when you did not have the emotional or mental capacity to listen to me vent. I am sorry for never asking you if you had the emotional or mental capacity to listen to me vent before sharing my thoughts. I am sorry for draining you of your energy over the years, especially this year and last year (my anxiety was through the roof). I am sorry for not comforting you when your mom was undergoing treatment. I am sorry for not asking how you were more often. I am sorry for everything that I may have put you through, and I know that saying it so many times will never be enough but I hope it’s worth something (yes, actions are certainly louder than words).

Thankful for the memories we created together

I frankly don’t know what our relationship will be like in 5 or 10 years . . . With peace and love, our friendship and we, as individuals, have changed—perhaps for the better. We value different things. Want different things. Seek different things. Everything has changed. And that’s okay. That’s life. And I am okay with it, and I hope you are/will be too. Despite my uncertainty (and perhaps yours) regarding what point we will be at in our friendship in the later years, know that I am grateful for all the memories we have made thus far. You have seen me during most of my mood swings, breakdowns, and highs, and you have treated me the same afterwards. Thank you.

Love you long time

I wish you the absolute best in everything that you pursue. I hope that you’re healthy, both physically, mentally, and emotionally, and will continue to be so throughout the course of your life. I hope that you put more effort into tending to your needs and do not give too much of yourself to others. I hope you are gentle with yourself and give yourself a bit more credit for all the small wins (like getting out of bed when you’re in a funk and drinking enough water at the end of the day). Breeana, I hope that you will find that happy place that you have been looking for (unless you already found it). Nothing in life is perfect no matter how hard we try to make it seem or be. It is good to take a moment to look around and appreciate what is present in your life. That’s a piece of happiness. Love you long time, and thank you for everything 🤍 Here’s to a new year!