[bicara tak ada yang peduli,
diam tak mendapat bantuan]

kalian bilang "kamu ngomong aja sih kalo ada masalah", "kamu kasih tau dong kalo kamu digituin" dan berbagai kalimat-kalimat 'peduli' lainnya, tapi kenapa giliran mereka, orang-orang yang kamu suruh terbuka ini, meluapkan emosinya dan membagi ceritanya, kamu malah memalingkan pandang, pura-pura ga dengar, dan bahkan menyalahkan?

mereka butuh bantuan kamu. mereka sudah tidak bisa bantu diri sendiri. ketika mereka melihat cahaya yang kamu pantulkan dan berusaha menggapainya, kenapa malah pergi menuang kabut dan memberi mereka fatamorgana?

[hidup terus dihina,
mati tak kunjung lapang]

kamu tahu kan mereka menderita. kamu juga tahu mereka mulai lumpuh. bukankah sudah sewajarnya kita menolong mereka yang jatuh? bukankah sudah sewajarnya kita berusaha mengerti apa yang mereka rasakan? bukankah sudah sewajarnya kita tidak menyakiti mereka?

kenapa malah menyalahkan mereka seakan-akan kamu Tuhan yang punya kuasa menentukan salah-benar? kenapa malah berlaku semaunya seakan-akan kamu Tuhan yang bisa sesukaNya?

jadi, mau tunggu sampai kapan? sampai hati dan raganya mati?

[bersama tak bahagia,
berpisah pun tak merasakan]

kalau saja kamu tahu yang kamu lakukan salah. kalau saja kamu tahu yang kamu lakukan merusaknya. kalau saja kamu sadar kalau memang sudah tahu.

lihat! mereka terlanjur mati!

[apa guna cakap menjaga,
kalau laku belum memanusiakan]

tidak susah kok, menjadi manusia yang memanusiakan. kita kan bukan hewan. kita diberi akal sehat untuk berpikir sebelum bertindak. kita diberi nurani untuk berempati. kalau kalian lupa semua itu, tidak apa-apa kan kalau aku samakan kalian dengan hewan?

baru saja mendengar kalimat "don't applaud fish for swimming". jangan puji orang yang melakukan sesuatu yang sudah sepantasnya mereka lakukan. aku tidak setuju karena sudah terlalu banyak manusia yang lupa cara bersikap seperti manusia. jadi, ada harapan kan, kalau masih ada yang bersikap selayaknya manusia?

[bagaimana cara hidup,
kalau mati pun masih disalahkan]

[imagine how it feels
when
caffeine stop making your heart beats faster
your lungs stop feeling filled with smoke
tears hold themselves from falling down your cheeks
water doesn't hydrate inside
weeds stop making you feel high
blade stop making you feel the cuts

when
nothing helps you to face sadness
nothing helps you to face noises of things that breaking you apart
nothing helps you to put everything together

when
no one, nobody, nothing could help you]

hello,

starting this blog with all those sentences i made when i was falling apart. then i'd say hello to anyone who reads this.

i'm sure everyone and everything living on earth must have feel at least a pinch of sadness. i'm kind of expecting they feel a little bit more than that. i mean, god gave us maybe almost all the emotions he got. happiness, sadness, madness; satisfaction, confusion, excitement; you name it. see, within all those, there's sadness.

when you lost someone, you got sad. when you failed on something, you got sad. when you betrayed by someone you love, you got sad. when you watch touching movie, you got sad. this feeling—sadness—got into us in a glimpse and got out of us in decades.

of course a lot of people have tried a lot of things to redeem the feelings and succeded yet there are some whom failed. smoking, drinking, cutting, crying, meditating, dreaming, sleeping, forgetting, and bunch of -ings you could try. some are bad but maybe works for some. some are good but maybe hard for some. i'm not sure one that i'll tell you will be in which but, everything has its bad and its good so let's cut the categorizing here.

what i'll suggest you is to let go. what is let go tho? let go for me is when you accepting all the pain you feel, forgiving everything that makes you feel like so, stop questioning the reason it happened in your life, and eventually believing it will bring goods to you.

i am a believer. i believe god made things with two side. there's bad, there's good; there's devil, there's angel; and there's hell, there's heaven. everything has two sides. sorry for those who aren't a believer but i think this still could work for you. thus, i told you to forgive 'cause eventually there's the bad and the good to every story. the bad is it hurts. the good is you know that it'll hurts so you learn from it. whether or not you'll choose the same thing you did. whether or not you'll choose the same path they did. whether or not you'll turn into the same person they were.

as i said that i'm a believer, i also believe that every path we walk through leads to every best for us. so, having positive thoughts that whatever happens to us now will bring goods in the future for me is really effective. there is someone who said every story has a happy ending. if your ending is not a happy one, then it's not the ending. yup, believing on that kind of giving us maybe a false hope but it's better than having no hopes at all.

anyway, that's that. at this point i dont know what to write anymore. whoever reading this up 'till the end, i'm wowed by you. have a nice day!

prepare a cup of coffee, preferably iced and then sit anywhere you feel comfortable

read anything you want to read here, and i hope you'd feel amazing right after.