Letters to Heaven

Dear Riv

Hi baby girl,

It’s mommy here. Our lives haven’t been the same since you left. We miss you more than words could describe. I’m sorry if I let you down. I’m sorry if I didn’t count enough of your kicks, or if I stressed out too much. I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you I love you enough. I’m sorry I didn’t hold you one last time before we said our goodbyes. I was scared. I didn’t think I had the power to leave you in that bassinet, and somehow I did. I just wanted to go back though. I wanted to pick you up and take you with me. I’m sorry I didn’t love on you a little longer. I try really hard to move on, and carry you with me. I want to hear you cry, laugh, see you smile, your hair, and watch you grow. I’m sorry it’s so hard. It’s hard to know I’m suppose to be taking you out trick or treating in your first costume, and telling your dad all the things you probably don’t need for Christmas. I’m sorry you couldn’t meet your brothers. They would’ve loved you so much, and I know you would’ve been protected by them your whole life. I wish I could go to Heaven for a day and hold you again, and make sure you know your loved. I hate knowing if you cold, or lonely, or your crying for me. There’s so much pain I try to avoid to be a good mom to your brothers, and wife to dad. It seems to come more at night then a busy day. I’ll never forget about you, and I’ll always do everything in my power to keep your memory alive. Even if it makes me look crazy.

I love you to Heaven and back,

Love mommy

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Letters to Heaven

Dear Riv

Hi sweet girl,

I miss you more today than ever. The butterflies always make me think of you. I’ve seen a lot of butterflies so I’m thinking your missing us too. Until losing you, I would think it was crazy to believe that. I still think I’m crazy for thinking a tiny flying insect is you letting us know your okay or missing us. Lots of things make me think of you, like sunflowers, or the color purple.
You looked just like your brothers, so I always see your face in theirs.
It’s exhausting some days to think about you, and other days it’s all I want to do. I’m so scared you’ll be forgotten. I’m scared I’ll get so busy I’ll forget to think about you. I’m sorry if that happens. I didn’t think I’d have to picture life without you waking me up all night, or adding a third baby to our overpopulated bed. Dad even bought a new truck, because ours was too small to fit your car seat. Anyways, I don’t have much to say today except I love you.

Love you to Heaven and back,