Hi 👋🏻 I’m Kristy. In short, I love all things Disney, I’m a full-time wanderluster, sports enthusiast, coffeetarian, and a mom to my dog. But there’s more to my story than just the basics you see on social media.

I have high-functioning anxiety and depression. I’m still capable of performing everyday activities and I have my own responsibilities, just like you. I’m currently on a journey to discover new ways of making life more enjoyable for myself and others who may be struggling too.

Whether it be yoga, food, travel, etc. I’m keeping track and planning on documenting it all here. I know there’s more enjoyable aspects to life and I want to take an honest approach in documenting these activities so that as a society, we can normalize how mental health affects everyday interests. What may seem easy for someone else, could be difficult for another. Let’s
all practice having a little more empathy and a little less judgement 🧘

“I know Instagram tends to be a place where everyone is perceived to be happier than they really are. I’m typically the type of person who likes to keep my private life private and only really share the deep stuff with my close inner circle. Like many of you, I struggle with anxiety and depression. My life isn’t always smiles and good times like the way my timeline appears in little square boxes. But a picture is worth a thousand words, right? In this day and age, it’s more like a thousand words left unspoken.

For years, I’ve been struggling with being on the wrong anti-depressants that actually made my depression worse and made me feel like my anxiety was never under control. After hitting rock bottom, I’m finally on the right medication for me and I’m *genuinely* smiling again. I’m taking more positive approaches to life and practicing more self-care than I ever have. I’m now finally feeling more like myself than I have in years. And for that, I felt it was worth celebrating with this post 🎉 (still an awkward selfie taker though, that hasn’t changed).

It’s okay if no one takes the time to read this, it’s therapeutic for me to get it out there. For those that have, thank you, and know that if you’re secretly struggling too, you have an ally with me and there’s no judgement here. I’m realizing I can still talk about the hard things and normalize the stigma that still stands with mental health issues while also maintaining the privacy I strive so hard to keep. I know social media can be used to keep things light but this time, I felt like I should get a little more serious and relate more so that if there are some of you struggling in silence, please know you’re not alone *hugs*”

It was through this Instagram post that made me realize I want to be a better advocate for those struggling with their own mind. A few weeks prior to this Instagram post, I had truly hit what I felt (to me) was rock bottom. I had been in the hospital and instead of normalcy, I came back home to my entire life being flipped upside down. The people I needed in my corner were no longer there and I was forced to start my life over. It was around this time that I had an epiphany and realized I needed to take back my own narrative. I needed to be vocal so people could hear things from me in the correct way these events occurred but I also needed to be vocal for others struggling.

For months, I was struggling. I felt detached and more like an observer of my own life. It didn’t feel like I was the one taking action, rather than watching and not being able to control the impulsive and negative behaviours. It took hitting rock bottom to get my life back on track and now I’m turning my negative experience into a positive one. I’m looking for the silver-lining and hoping my experiences can be a beacon of new hope for others out there struggling the way I was and still sometimes do.

Let’s all show a little more empathy and a little less judgement. Let’s work together to end the stigma.

When I worked at Disney World, I worked as a Character Attendant, a.k.a. a blueberry (because of our blue uniform shirts). The reality is, I LOVE Disney and pretty much all things Disney related. But when I worked as a Character Attendant (most people’s dream job and definitely my childhood dream job), I suffered anxiety and severe depression. I felt like I didn’t have the right to feel that way because I was working in the Happiest Place on Earth. My friends loved it and my coworkers loved it so why couldn’t I be more grateful?

At the time, I had a hard time understanding that depression looks different on everyone. Because of my anxiety, I had a hard time cutting character lines and being in large crowds all day, every day. I didn’t fully comprehend or understand my mental health issues then. It was my first time living (far) away from my family, I was working full-time while still attending university, and trying to manage my moods.

Because I didn’t understand my mental illness to it’s full extent, I had a hard time explaining my needs to others; including friends, coworkers, my managers, etc. I would go to work and have some really great days and think “wow, I’m so lucky to be here and I love what I’m doing.” As opposed to some other days when I’d be sick with a cold or having a bad day and thinking, “I can’t handle the position I’m in and I’m miserable.”

It finally reached a point where I needed to take care of my mental health first and I decided to leave my position early. I had been dealing with injuries from a previous car accident I had been in, my dad had been ill at the time, I was a thousand miles from “home,” and struggling with my own mental health. It was all too much for me. I decided that leaving was the best thing I could do for me, my mental health, and my place of work and those I worked with. I realized I wasn’t always on alert for things I should have been because my depression made me feel zoned-out and zombie-like. I was also slightly in denial of my mental heath issues thinking that I would be labeled as “crazy” or “sad” if I accepted them. I didn’t always make clear decisions and I burned a lot of bridges during that time.

That was three years ago now and I believe I’ve had a lot of growth since then but if it weren’t for me taking those initial steps, I might not be where I am today. And where I am today, is where I need to be. I still LOVE the Disney Parks and still frequent them, and my love for Disney in general, hasn’t changed. I still miss working for Disney some days and I’ll be forever grateful to the people who showed me support and kindness. I look back on that period as a time of growth and accountability. While I still look back and wish I could have known what I know now so I could have enjoyed it more, I know things happen for all kinds of reasons. My point being, don’t be too hard on yourself in those moments where you struggle to find the joy in your journey. Turn those negatives into positives and think of it as a time of growth. Just know that eventually, everything will be okay and whether you see it or not, things are working in your favour behind the scenes 🤗💫

As Phase 3 begins to be set in place, this is mostly a reminder to be kind and patient with everyone during this time. As a naturally empathetic person, I’m continuously putting myself in other people’s shoes and psycho-analyzing the way things are done and why. It’s truly a blessing and a curse and I’m sure others who are highly sensitive would agree.

During this new phase, please keep in mind that for many, they have had to make some difficult decisions to be able to make life more feasible again. We are all struggling right now in our own way(s) and it’s true what they say, “everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about.” Right now, parent’s are having to make the difficult decision to send their children back to school or provide an at-home curriculum, dependent’s are currently in the process of deciding whether they should go back to work or not, and some other’s still may not have their job back. Many people have suffered financially during this pandemic and have no other choice but to head back to work, despite whatever fear they may have.

Which leads me to my next point, a lot of people are naturally driven by fear. This is why we need to show even more compassion, kindness, and patience during this time. There may be people in public who are disrespectful, rude, or snappy but, understand, it’s all stemming from a place of fear. That doesn’t necessarily excuse the way people choose to act but at the end of the day, you aren’t able to control what others do. You’re only able to control what you can do. Which is why it’s important to understand *where* these responses are coming from so we are able to practice compassion and let things go during this time.

I think I can speak for many when I say that COVID-19 has taken a toll on people’s mental health. Just because Phase 3 is beginning does not mean that mental health issues end when this pandemic “ends.” Many will feel the long term effects of this pandemic for quite some time after. It’s reasonable that people may still be afraid to venture out in public, it’s reasonable that people will want to work on their finances, it’s reasonable that people may need to continue to collect Employment Insurance for a while after. We are not here to judge one another for how they react or choose what’s best for their lives right now. All we can do is support one another and practice compassion.

While this pandemic has been difficult for everyone, all we can try to do now is try to see the silver-lining. Maybe something of this caliber needed to happen for us to all become kinder and more patient individuals. Maybe this will have opened our eyes to take better care of our Planet and practice better cleanliness. Maybe this will teach us not to take the things we have for granted. Maybe this needed to happen because we all needed a fresh start. Let’s be positive and choose to think of this year as our growth year. 2020 was the year of the restart button. It wasn’t a time for forcing things; it was a time for realignment with ourselves. 2020 was the year that made us all better. This is probably the best way we can look back at a tumultuous time that effected the whole world. 2020 was the year we learned how resilient we all are and despite all of the challenges, we came out better people for it.

As I bid you adieu for this evening, I ask that you reflect on this post and think of the ways you can practice having more empathy towards the people you will come across amidst Phase 3. Sometimes showing a little bit of kindness is all a person needs. With that, remember to be kind to yourself during these times too. Don’t judge yourself or pressure yourself too hard for not being where you want to be yet. Take it all in and remember that no matter how difficult a situation may be, it’s all apart of our life’s journey.

Also, please wear masks!

I feel like not enough people discuss how difficult it is to stay present during times where you want to be. When I’m out with my friends and we’re catching up, I want to be present. When I’m spending time with my niece and nephew, I want to be present. When I’m at a work conference, I want to be present. No matter how bad I want to be present, I feel like there are moments where I’m just incapable of being present.

I know how important those little moments are and I know that before I’ll know it, they’ll pass me by. What others see might come off as someone being passive, unsettled, impatient, zoned-out, and maybe even someone who’s not great at active listening. In reality, I am trying. I’m trying to push past my depression so that I’m able to enjoy the moment. During those moments, it feels like you’re on auto-pilot. Someone else is performing your actions while you’re stuck on the sidelines of your own mind. I want to be able to play toys with my nephew without feeling completely zoned out because my own mind has difficulty enjoying the moment. As well, no one talks about the guilt you feel from not being able to be in the moment. I hate that my niece and nephew have to see me at my worst because I don’t want them thinking in the future about how I wasn’t hands-on enough or how I constantly seemed zoned out or emotional.

Now don’t get me wrong, everyone is capable of having good days and bad days. I feel like this is something that society fails to see. A lot of people see mental health issues as black or white and no grey area. Many believe that if you’re depressed, you’re just sad all of the time... so, how can you be happy doing things you’re interested in? I, myself, am not a mental heath professional. However, I do understand there are many different types of depression and varying degrees of depression. You can’t think of depression and just automatically slap a “sad” label on it. Depression is not a one size fits all.

Many people, like myself, have high-functioning depression and anxiety. This is where we are fully capable of going throughout our daily routine. We aren’t completely debilitated and still go about our work day, daily responsibilities, and caring for others. It’s because of this that people assume we must not be as mentally ill as we lead on and this is where the stigma, sadly, continues on.

It takes a lot to stay focused on being present when you’re own mind struggles to allow you to do so. It takes everything in me to stay focused. So much so that it feels physically and mentally draining. However, I do *want* to be present so I practice mindful thinking. Some tips I find helpful for me to stay present are:

* being conscious of when these negative thoughts begin and taking note as to when I start feeling drained or “zoned-out.”

* when these thoughts begin, I take accountability by forcing myself to take in my environment and where I am and who I’m with and remind myself to be grateful.

* I make an effort to remain present for as long as I can manage for that time.

* putting my phone away and taking time away from “screen-time,” especially when I’m with the people I care about.

While I’m still learning, myself, I hope these tips will be helpful to those who struggle as well. I also hope this can help those who don’t suffer or struggle to stay in-the-moment to understand how depression looks in those moments. Please be patient and kind to one another. You never know how someone’s internal battle looks or feels.

I may not know who you are or what you believe in but there’s this community I like to visit to feel cleansed, refreshed, and restored. In Lily Dale, New York, they have a healing temple where they like to say a spirtualist prayer for healing and if you’ll let me, I’d like to share it with you.

“I ask the Great Unseen Healing Force to remove all obstructions from my mind and body and to restore me to perfect health. I ask this in all sincerity and honesty and I will do my part. I ask the Great Unseen Healing Force to help both present and absent ones who are in need of help an to restore them to perfect health. I put my trust in the Love and the Power of God.”