25th of february, 2024 - start
- i write and i would write when i feel
0000
i thank the universe for making us interlaced for a while. i thank the sun for the hope you made me glimpse. i thank the moon for the light it gave us. i thank the stars for letting it us become one of them.
- may we fill the empty void of space
1st of march; 2130
whenever you get close,
i feel like a shrimp that has nowhere to go
once you've caught me in this chaotic sea
remove all of my skin and eat me
even though there's a parasite inside my body
even though i am prickly,
delicately, i want you know everything
about me
i do not know what is this feeling but all i want is for you to stay even though i am like this
- maybe i am really weird or just a shrimp
࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ
2nd of march, 0800
mother,
i've been growing up like you want me to be
i've adapted maturity but at the same time,
i imagine of things that no one wants to see
maybe if we talked today, you won't understand me
mother,
i've been yearning for your presence again
you exist, and i've been waiting when
it's been a while since we last met
just wash my back this once, and we can forget
- my inner child is missing you.
5th of march, 0050
i've been trapped in this carnival for too long
already tired of performing, maybe i'm not that strong
i would rather sleep or hum a song
i like to make people happy, i like to make them laugh
but they don't know the slits on my calf
i like to smile so they would too
i would do everything just not to hear them boo
even though i feel sick,
i will still show my magic tricks
so people won't see me as someone chaotic
even though i'm dying,
i will keep entertaining
i will create a world where all joy is living
until my life is fading
until my carnival is existing
- people pleaser
7th of march, 0130
i talked to you again and i felt like a kid
feeling your presence forgets me what you did
and if we ever see each other again
i promise to be one of the good children
i promise to be not a burden
i promise to not cause you stress
i promise to make your worries less
because i am not the person anymore i was back then
i hope you won't see me as a disappointment
- i love you, mom
9th of march
you're inlove. but this time, it's not me you're inlove with. i cannot believe my eyes when i saw that you're finally getting over it. i knew it from the start that you will like somebody else. i knew that you would get out of your shell. you've been smoking cigarettes like your father. i don't know what would be the feelings of your mother but i am no one, i'm just here, left to wonder. are you okay? we should've been close until the end, but you were uncomfortable by just being friends. i want to talk to you but i'm afraid that i will ruin you, even though you're the one who ruined me.
i hope that sometimes you think about me and see the things you did. but i finally forgave you and accepted, and you were not finally wanted. but you left me without a message and that did me damage. however, if that's what heals you then i understand. i just hope you still think about the memories we used to share and when we were completely bare.
ㅤ
i wish you well and i hope you grow, and now, it's time for me to let you go.
ㅤ
ㅤ
- may we cross our paths again
16th of march, 0900
i sit next to you, you keep sketching doodles or flowers
on your notebook, where you write all your reviewers
and i wish i can lay my head over your broad shoulders
can we keep listening to this tune together?
or we can draw our faces forever
close my eyes, don't want this moment to be over
i want your love, but don't wanna be your lover
- uncommited