Dear Laika,

2+4=24 years of my life… Happy one year older dear self. Not really in mood of celebrating anything. There has been a lot of crazy things happened in just a year. The year of never ending Test. I don’t want to wish anything for myself like how I used to all these years. Today there is no ‘congrats laika’ no compliments saying that ‘I am proud of who and what I become’ no saying that I am strong enough bc I know I went through the worse without any choices. A lot of times you have to face your fears with no option bc being strong and patience is the only way you have to stay living. Being scare of what’s coming next is something my heart is trying to get used to. Instead of wishing myself a good year to come let me just pour it all to The All Knowers in silence. And let me share 23 Things I’ve learn in these past years.

1.Practice yourself to see the good reason behind the difficulties. Things will happened the way it has to happened and sometimes we have no control for it. I believe that there is a good reason for every things that going on in someone’s life. It’s just take a lot of acceptance to understand the reason why. Remember the day when I posted about perspective. Yes it’s all depends on your perspective, the way you see what you see. Along this list you will learn how to stay calm when there is no control for everything. The respond you choose is where your power is. Just like me, Now I understand why did Allah took papa first before nenek and atok. It is all for good and I am so grateful for these. O’ Allah thank you for saving them from the fitnah of this dunya, thank you for loving them more than the love we can serve them. Please grants papa, atok and nenek a beautiful waiting place in your temporary paradise until we all meet again when its time. Amin

2. Allah is the best planner among all. Trust me or not. Allah dah rancang baik baik setiap yang berlaku dalam kehidupan kita. And Allah is The All Knower and Allah is Justice where He put everything perfectly organise on its own place and timing. Theres a saying that “if its meant to be it will be” so why worried about life. Like I said things happened for good, but sometimes its hurts the way it affect us. We always see the good in the good that we forget to see the good in the bad. Life is a combination of good and bad, you can’t control it but you can control how you react on it. It’s all about the energy, proton and electron but you have to understand that it need both combine in order to be neutral. Different charge complete each other. Take it or leave it u will need both good and bad in life, they are the compliments to each other. And each of it was already well planned by the Best Planner “Sometimes you think things are good for you when it is actually not, so keep your faith high. Take a deep breath and it will over”

3. Power of Dua. Previously I told you that Allah has planned our life, truly yes. Allah has scripted everything ever since the point where our soul was in heaven that He blow to our mother womb until then I was born on Saturday 3rd of Aug somewhere in nineteen ninety-six until today. We play all the script that has written to us. But somehow we made a wrong decision, mistake with or without intention. And kifarah will say “Hi, Im ready to give you what you give” it can be good if we choose the good and it can be opposite too. But don’t be afraid, Allah loves us, you can ask Allah to erase the aftermath of those behaviour. Pray when you are crying, when its raining, pray on Friday, pray in the middle of the night.. Just pray, bc that’s the only way we can convinced Allah to save us from our own flaws.

3. Appreciate your love ones while they still here. This is one of THE BIGGEST things I’ve learn that change my life. A year ago when my dad passed way, Ive been mourning for so long. It’s hard to show the world how strong you are when you’re dying inside. I promise myself to heal me and will take a year for this mending process. It was a lost full of guilt, of sadness, of feeling like I abandoned him, a lost that feels like Im the worst daughter ever live in this world. I was so guilty that I blame myself for everything and it’s all my fault. I was so directed too focus on achieving everything that I forget I have my father whose longing for his daughter. I’am so hurt that I hurt him. And I’ve learnt my lesson. I started to appreciate and give more time unto my family. I place my priority on them cs I don’t want to make the same mistakes again. There is more family time than any other things. And Alhamdulillah… the feeling wasn’t the same when atok say goodbye. I felt more peaceful & satisfy cs I was given the opportunity to be with him, to make time for him, to make him happy and this hurt I’m feeling right now is hurt of just being one dimension away from them yet its very near to my heart with the good memories I can keep my lifetime.

4. You can plan but Allah has better plan. No 3, of these list I told you that I give myself a year to heal from the guilt of the past. Yes I am so ready to move on as proof you can check my caption in black and white saying “ending this beautiful mess”. It was 2 weeks before today. Where I am so excited bc atlast Im gonna end my 23 years old self bc it give nothing but strength its not like I hate upgrading my strength but along the way you have to fall so many times to become stronger. And I swear it is so exshausting, anxious, tiring, so consuming. But after all… baru je nak happy happy bc im ready with a few sides plan, boom belum apa pun lagi, again life hit me hard again cs this time atok pergi menghadap ilahi. So you think where all my mood gone? But remember this what brings me to the lesson no five…

5. Always be grateful. Even how hard life may hit you always and always be grateful and have a good thought in your Creator. Because this is your only weapon to keep going. This is the KEY to strength. My ende phya always reminds me ‘La hawla wala quwata illah billah’ there is no power nor strength except from Allah. So always believe that Allah is always behind you along this journey and Allah’s cure is always near, he’s teaching your iman and make it more stronger.

6. Always mirror ourself. Banyakan perbaiki diri daripada judge orang lain. This one I learn from my late papa. He used to always told me that we are in no place to judge anyone but only Allah has a power to do so. The good and the bad of a person is not according to your opinion. We live in a perfect place setup by our Creator but human aren’t perfect and every human has their own good and bad in themselves. Allah Maha Penyayang, Allah keep it, all of our darkest secrete Allah simpan Allah tak suka aibkan hambanya. So stop judging and be so busy to make yourself better.

7. People always has something bad things to say about you. You can choose how the way you act. You can stand fight for yourself or the Smartest things you can do is IGNORE them. Bc durghhh you are in no place to give explaination to them. You do what you want to do as long as kau tak kacau hidup siapa siapa and bende tu tak membawa keburukkan. Well anyway everyone has their opinion. At some point mungkin relevant at some point maybe irrelevant. But like I told you Human is imperfect nak nak pulak Judging is FREE and pointing out your opinion is FREE. But there is no right or wrong bc human aren’t constant and human perception are changing according to situation. I know you can be smarter to understand this. Xoxo

8. Do not lose hope. There will be a time that you have to live your life according to the flow. Its okay not to be okay, this only shows that your heart is resting that your desire is redirecting. It will be so blurry, so confusing, loss with no direction. And if you ever comes into this point of life, I want to let you know that stop worrying so much, that worrying is pointless. Do not lose hope, when things aren’t going under your control start surrending yourself, your life and your plan to Allah. Go on with the flow and enjoy it instead and even if it’s so hard to do, remind yourself that everything has to end, that it’s not remain that it will eventually past.

9. Don’t rush the surprises. Often times life will surprise you, good or bad.. mcmana Allah surprise aku bila papa pergi tiba tiba. I swear while writing this I am in so negative state right now but trying my hardest to stay positive to choose positive. Every person has their own timing. Yourself has your own timing. Kadang kau kat atas kadang kau kat bawah, but whatever it is…. Enjoy every journey. Because each of this chapter, the good and the bad, the laughter and sadness, the failure and success is what give meaning to your life.

10. Live in presence. Live today not tomorrow not yesterday. Look on it in simple way yesterday has gone, you take everything from past as a guide to your future needs while sometimes you go back to the past to remember the good memories. Tommorow is mistery we don’t know whats gonna happened so stop worrying. But today is the day you should work on so you can predict your future self, by picking the lesson from the past as a guide to create good tomorrow. Just how you emphasis this next lesson.

11. When lost find yourself in the Quran Chapter. This is why Al-Quran is also known as GPS/WAZE in our life. It gives us the guide, it give us the solution. It tells the story of past that keeps on happening in todays life. Read the knowledge, learn and take as your guide. There a lot of beautiful chapter, like Nabi Suleiman in sorcery, or Nabi Yusof in Family Matters & sign of a dream, or How Allah Test our prophet Muhammad saw lost his family. So you still complaining why u r trsted. Oh Cmon even Nabi pun semua diuji.

12. I learn how amazing Allah created a human, our body, our brain and even our heart. It’s like a complex design that I can’t explain of how we decide which to follow the lead, should it be our brain or our heart. Yet they are both needed to came up with a good reliable decision. Till now I am trying to figure out how there is an electric flows in our own body. Is it like our body is a mechanic or something. We thought we own ourself, that we know ourself better than anyone else. But dyou know there is an illness called seizure attack. That’s prove that we don’t fully own ourselves. That we don’t have full powers over ourself. That it’s not easy to erase the pain, that is not easy shut off the hurt. And that our soul need to seek for another source of strength.

13. Train your heart to be sincere in every good things you do. Help without expecting anything in return. Help even if you can’t help yourself. I learn this from my boo.. He to be honest really helps me a lot, support me even if I don’t need it. He is the proof that good man does exist and I’m the luckiest for having him.The more sincere you are, the more happy you can be. The more peaceful your life will.

14. Nothings really ‘READY’ in this world. Sometime without you being ready you have to face SHITS to happend. Tuhan dah bagi banyak peluang but as human being we tends to take it for granted. I’m not ready to lose them, or maybe I’m not ready to die. Kenapa bc we don’t work for it. I realize that Life isn’t the same like my exam paper. Ada tarikh ada masa utk I prepare but life, they just hit u. Ready or not… you have most of the time u take for granted and u wasted. So selagi ada masa ni work on it, work on ur akhirah.

15. People have their own way and their own uniqueness on how to impressed Allah. So ignore PEOPLE JUDGMENT. Di mata orang maybe yr whole life was damn useless.. but we never know. Kenapa mayat seseorang tu wangi sangat, cantik tenang and even ustaz boleh comment ini ciri ciri ahli syurga. See Allah surprises kan. So the HIDDEN GOOD DEEDs that comes sincerely from your heart is way way way way better than GOOD DEED you showed up to impress the world.

17. Always renew and check our NIAT/INTENTIONS. We do good things Mainly bc of Allah, bc we want to help others, bc we want to invest in our akhirah. But sometimes we forget our main root our main intention. Why because lesson no 18 and 19 is learnt

18. World was design as a TEST to human kind. It is a temporary estimation of 70-80 years of life. It was design to break your heart, to crush it and to fall you apart. I learn that one will never truly really happy in this world. No matter what Allah gives you heart can never really content. So don’t complain why your tested bc we had made the agreement with Allah that we gonna live in this world despite of everything in order to obeys him, in order to get His Rahmat. And as for now as young adult, 24 years old life has shown me how life was design. Worlds come with UP’s and Down that we are continues learning, searching for the missing part of everything, we are continuously improving ourself to be a good creation to our Creator. To get his paradise refer lesson no 20.

19. Surah Al-Ankabut [29:2] “Mana kan kita mengaku beriman selagi kita tidak diuji” it was explained by my beloved ende phya that this explain WORLD IS LITERALLY DESIGN AS A TEST FOR HUMANKIND. Test and another test and another test. In our DIFFICULTIES we are tested, In CONTENTMENT also we are tested (susah kita diuji senang pun kita diuji juga) but most of us only point out yang susah tu ujian and duit/pangkat itu rezeki. Believe me or not KESUSAHAN, KESENANGAN, KEGEMBIRAAN itu sendiri ujian Allah. But again like I told you, It is all about perspective, how you choose to see the way you see it. If you look into bigger picture you can see both negative and positive side of it. That’s how you make decision.

20. All mankind and jinn was made with FREE WILL. We have right to choose whats right and wrong. Allah gave us the chance to shape ourself of how and what kind of person we wanted to be. Nak jadi jahat silakan, Nak jadi baik pun silakan. But I believe that there is no evil that r totally evil and there in no kindness that totally kind. Allah said Human is the BEST OF CREATION. But despite of this we are far from PERFECT and we all have our own imperfection and that is why Allah bg kita akal. Akal yang kita boleh gunakan utk bawa kita masuk syurga nanti. YES why Allah created paradise, Sbb Allah nak reward kita for being sabar for all the test we face in this temporary world. And how to be SABAR came in lesson no 21?

21. The Key to Patience is to be GRATEFUL first. From being grateful comes the patience. If you’re feeling so upset and mad in yr work place. Be grateful, Alhamdulillah am still working. There’s people who lost their job so kita pun sabar. Same goes to your parents we are mad that they won’t understand us.. “Alhamdulillah mak ayah masih ada masih hidup” ada orang dah jadi anak yatim piatu. So always always be grateful first then there will come the patience.

22. If your ever wonder kenapa ada je yang buat banyak dosa tapi hidup diorang senang sangat. Happy je…. Baik aku buat mcmtu juga. Takyah solat takyah dgr ckp Allah mungkin hidup lebih bahagia. This always play inside me. Surah Al Baqarah [2:7] “Allah has set a seal on their hearts and on their hearing; and on their be-holdings (i.e. eyesights) is an envelopment. And for them is a tremendous torment.” Allah sendiri cakap, “Aku akan ganda dan gandakan kebahagiaan mereka sehingga merek itu lalai” which is Allah taknak pun mereka ni ingat Allah. So if you’re still felt guilty for all the sins be grateful as Allah still give you a chance to beg his pardon and May Allah keep us away among them.

23. Lesson no twenty-three (ending my beautiful sweet 23 years old with this lesson) if we ever lost. Always U-turn to Allah, even how much we fall, even how much we drifted. Always remember… “Indeed Allah loves those who are constantly repentant.” (Holy Qur’an 2:222). Syaitan invites us to commit a sin in the first place, but then causes the distance between us and Allah. Then Syaitan invites us to feel too ashamed to turn back to Allah with tawbah (repentance) and to call upon Him with dua so that we can get back close to Him. Remember Allah is the Most Forgiver, Ar Rahman and Ar Rahim the most loving, Allah loves us so much despite of all he sins we had committed it can never over power His Love to Us. May we all constantly learn to Love Allah perfectly in this life journey. For my future self, I know your stronger than before… I wish you goodluck !

Anyway there still a lot of lesson I learned sepanjang umur 23 tahun ni, like How to manage your financials, or how to choose a good investment or oh yeah how to choose protection. Back forward topic on how to be a deanlist student even if aren’t smart lol. Haha Or how to WIN your first job INTERVIEW or How to have clearer your skin in just a week. Which is why I am now deciding to share all of these lesson into my Insta Website- For more reading you guys can check out my bio okay..