I started a blog, y’all!
A safe, kick-ass space for the mama of color!
Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening! ✨
This will be a safe space for the creative, the boss, the introvert, the extrovert, the petty, the weak, the strong, and all every mama in between.
Here, we’ll learn from one another, cry together, boss up, network, and most importantly GROW.
You can expect some bomb ass interviews from mamas that look at think like you, good advice, tips for your health and mindfulness, so much more.
So sis, come along on the ride and grow with me! I am a mama of a beautiful 3 year old prince and ever since I had him, I immediately felt this lack of community around me. None of my friends had babies, my mom and mother-in-law were both long distance and I just lonnnngggeeeddd for someone to just get IT. Ya know? And I know I can’t be the only one.
For a long time, I felt unqualified to house a platform of this magnitude. I meannnn who am I to try and bring all these people together for a collaborative experience of dope sisterhood? Not me. Not the introverted girl who knows nothing better than staying to herself. But finally I said, no more. I’m a MOTHER and damn sure qualified to bring other moms together. What’s more qualifying than that?!
I hope you guys get to know and love me and the page and will clearly be able to see what I want to do and the heights I want to take it. I know it can grow beyond my wildest dreams!!
Now enough of that, let’s get ready to FLOURISH, sis! 💕
9 Tips For Surviving Motherhood
Shit! I’m pregnant…*snaps pic of the stick I just peed on*
Now, what?! Well, of course, the all the important things, duh girl! Baby Shower, Maternity Pics, your friends and family are ecstatic for you, you have all the things you need and the support you could ask for! Great, 9 perfect months go by, you get to do your hair and make-up, the father is there, holding your hand, he’s your push partner, and then…HERRREEEE’S BABY. We go home, and you live happily ever after. Right?
Don’t bet your life on it, sis.
Okay-okay, don’t get me wrong, this very well may be SOMEONE’S birth-story, but there’s an antagonist in every fairytale. I’m a realist boo. While, having a child is one of the greatest blessings one could have, there’s not always a shiny, glamourous story that follows that day you realized you missed your period.
Let’s take me for example, I find out I’m pregnant right? My boyfriend (now husband) is excited, it’s all rainbows and butterflies, until I have ONE just ONE friend, who rains on my preggers parade. She’s not happy for me at all. She throws all the negatives in my face, “Girl, y’all aint been together THAT long”, “Ya’ll really should be married”, “I’m sorry, I’m not happy for you”. Whoa…talk about a spirit crusher.
That brings us to our first truth:
1. Everyone Will Not Support You.
Sis, everyone isn’t going to clap for you or be there for you. Once you get over the initial shock of, OMG I have a whole person growing inside of me, that I now have to feed and clothe and love…and you feel comfortable telling your crew, don’t expect everyone to roll out the red carpet for you. “Why didn’t you wait until you were married?”, “But your career, you haven’t even started your career”, “I hope he isn’t a dead beat”, “I know you’re putting him on child support, right?”, “You know what they say about single moms” or they throw their Religious ideologies or whatever the case may be. But! You have the right to stop it in your tracks.
Whether you go through with the pregnancy or not, do not allow anyone to disturb your peace, and if they can’t out their own opinions aside to at the very least support you, then those people no longer serve you, boo. THE DOOR!
2. FIND. A. TRIBE.
To caveat, my previous point, I had no one I could sincerely call my “mom tribe”. This isn’t to discredit my circle-- lifetime friends, my now, husband, and my family (the ones I deal with, anyway), but I still needed someone I could lean on and empathize with. Girl, find you a circle of mamas, okay? Facebook has tons of groups or reach out to that sista you saw that just had a baby, but do not go through motherhood without another mom in your circle! At the very least we can vent about how GHETTO these kids are.
3. Pregnancy Sucks. Cut Yourself Some Slack.
I know IG makes it look cute, we’ve all seen it, the progression pics, the cute outfits, the girl who stays in the gym, all the ooey gooey pregnancy stuff, and that’s all beautiful, I’m not knocking it. However COMMA, it f*cking sucks, and it isn’t always pretty. Somethings won’t get shaved, you will sweat, you won’t be able to breath sometimes, and oooohhhh the body pain. But you are growing an entire human, this is a beautiful transformation-- your womb is the universe! Love it, love yourself, and feel all the things you need to feel through the process. It’ll end faster than it began, and do not ever feel pressured by society to always smile through it. Regret, anger, pain, longing for one sip of that margarita, missing your pre-pregnancy moments are all allowable.
4. Create a Birth Plan, but Be Prepared to Deviate.
Birth plans do not always go as planned!! I went into my last trimester thinking, “Okay, I’m going to go in, I want delayed cord clamping, I want to do skin-to-skin, and breastfeed immediately.” BRUHHHHHHH do you know that little booger came 5 weeks EARLY, chileee!! He tried to come a week before that, and I had to go through HELL, to keep him in. (We’ll talk more about my story later.) But the point is girl, be prepared to deviate your plan, and do not give yourself grief for it not going to way you wanted. My baby was born with a knot in his umbilical cord, and he was having trouble with his sucking and breathing, so off to the NICU he went. I felt like a failure, I failed myself, my body failed me, I failed my son, just FML. When in reality, shit just happens, and when it does, shift; have a Plan B, but don’t beat yourself up about it.
5. KNOW YOUR RIGHTS: At Work, in Your Hospital, and Have an Advocate
Okay, I’m getting long winded, but don’t check out on me yet because this is MUY IMPORTANTE and it will be short and sweet. When you have a bambino en utero, please get really comfortable with your HR Department, like get on their nerves, sis, and make sure you know your FMLA plan! (Because I did not and it f’d me all up) Also, take the damn hospital tour, get to know the nurses and your OB staff. Make sure they understand what it is you want, what you need, what your health history is, and if at all possible, get someone that looks like you!!
Lastly, according to the CDC Black Women and 2-3 times more likely to die from a pregnancy related cause than white women. With that said, in the event you cannot advocate for yourself, make sure whomever is going with you to the hospital know what you want/need and ensure they advocate for your best possible care.
6. The Snap-Back? Lies all Lies.
Must I say it? You may or may not (in my case) snap back to your pre-pregnancy bod. I’m still trying to find where I put that damn body, because I miss her.
It is normal to mourn the loss of a life you had prior to having a baby, if that includes what you looked like. HOWEVER, we can’t stay in this place. Your physical and mental health is VITAL to getting through this thing we call motherhood. So, if you don’t like it, fix it. BUT, give yourself grace, adopt gentle self-talk, and understand that it takes double the time to heal your body after giving birth than it took to make a whole baby.
7. Postpartum Depression is REAL.
And that’s all there is to say about that. Do not battle negative feelings alone. You need you, your baby needs you and we need you babe.
8. Doing Your Best Is Enough.
You will never be a perfect parent. There, I said it.
What you can perfect, is doing your best, and show up the best way you know how. Every day brings a different set of challenges. Sometimes you got it, and some days you won’t, and again, that is okay! Sometimes August eats his vegetables, most days he gets chicken nuggets and French fries or a Lunchable. Judge Ya Mammy!
9. Self-Care Is a Thing (& It’s Important)
Motherhood adds a whole new meaning to, “Put on your oxygen mask, before you assist anyone else with theirs”. You can’t pour from an empty cup. PERIOD. Give yourself a break, girl. Whatever you have to do. Ask a friend to come over at nap time so you can go to the grocery store or take a nap. When the house is quiet for the night, take a bath, mediate, read, do yoga, but take care of you. What else can you give someone, when you have left nothing else for yourself?
I know that was long, but I hope you found some wealth in what I’ve shared with you! Always care for yourself, love profoundly, and remember, “Mama, You Made It!”