A journey of healing

I'm a fighter ,a lover, a mother, a friend, I am me, #I am human!

Hi, I'm S.A.M.. Have you ever wondered if you really knew who you were? Why you do or did certain things? Why , why, why & who am i? Years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD, before that( several years back,lol.) my daughter was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, after that ,again, I was diagnosed with CPTSD or Complex PTSD. Finally I may know who I am, and why's answers!!. But now what do I do. Now which direction do I take, and am I ever gonna be healed?
This a factual based healing journey of a journal...describing how I became who I am today...a blog( journal in 3rd person) of loss, love, heartache, battles, relationships, sex, drugs, ....
Well, you name it, it has probably happened to me!! Will you be so kind as to take this journey with me??
Hope to see you there,
S.A.M

Earlier that year?? —

Beginnings.of.Broken

As he stands in the doorway of the back door on our mobile home, he's dumping her purse and all of its contents onto Mother Nature's floor. Then for some reason he's gone. My mom, myself and my baby brother go into the yard to recover the items. We walk beside Mama as she cries and it's almost as if I had just gotten there...I realized just what he'd thrown in the yard and my heartache began to set in...how could he throw our little blue table and our little red chairs into the yard??, doesn't he love us Mama?. Mama just continues to cry as we walk into the backyard for her purse's items. I dont recall her response, she may not have responded in words, but her tears ,her stance, they told me enough...

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Thoughts in my Head....

TODAY..4.5.21. C.G.

Will I ever really be okay? Will I ever know Real Truth? ( Real love)(whatever that may be...) I know all happens for a reason- 1_Spiritual Discernment maybe?2_ When I'm done with this path, is it to turn around and help the one behind miss the pitfalls that I fell in??
I see ,feel, hear what THEY do,.Ialmost understand there thoughts ,But, do THEY see,hear,feel me??? Dont THEY know that YES, I REALLY ,HONESTLY do see and feel it all? That I can truly physically FEEL THEM&SEE THEM!!??
There perception of me, well, is it TRUTH, the ugly ,unadulterated truth? Will I start to perceive myself the same
Is this MY Karma, Or MY Fate? Is it becuz of something I've done, Or was it written in The BOOKofLIFE? Predestination, maybe.
How does a broken heart continue to be broken? How do tears continually escape from my eyes?. Loss ,loss, it's all I know,, children, lovers, husbands, friends. When is it over?? When shall it BEGIN?
METHOD2MYMADNESS

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Let's start our journal, blog

April 1, 2021

In 1978, I have my first memory, I'm 3/ 4 years old, my brother Robert is 18 months younger, I of course am the eldest and it's my place to protect, girl or not!!!.
David's hitting our mom, I have Robert's face in my chest as I cover his ears with my hands,so he " cant hear" the screams of Mama.
And that's how I recall the first memories of childhood...

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