Moms are expected to be just that, a mom. Nothing more. Right?

No, you can’t have a “life” and live it too. So stop asking, right?
The only thing you can do now is get married, find your career, and settle down. Can’t even get cute no more without hearing, “who you getting cute for?” Uh myselllllllllf!

Oh and don’t even bother with “me time” or “self care”. Like what are thoooooooose!? You don’t get it do you? Me time is now “we time” and self care, that’s “they care”.

Okay all jokes and funny references aside, this is why us mothers struggle in silence. This is the reason we move on from past trauma instead of “healing” from past trauma.

Can you honestly say that you are healed from that experience that happened years, months, weeks ago?

I can not. Not fully. And that’s my truth.

I come across people who believe that once you become a mother, it’s no longer about you. And to a degree, I understand their reasoning for saying so. But no one really tells you the significance of healing from your past, and being a mother to your children.

Well, we all have something we need healing from. Your spirit, your mind, your energy, even your vibe. Trauma effects them all. And until we learn to forgive, heal, and then move on....we can’t be at our best in the most important role of our lives. Are you really ready to heal?

Thanks for reading!

This letter to the little girl inside was the first step to my journey of healing.

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I'm writing you this letter to tell you how sorry I am for letting you drown all those years ago in pain, shame, and disgust. For allowing your cries to stay so faint until they turned silent and your tears to dry up on your cheeks and become ash.

I'm sorry for not listening when you begged for it to be stop. But because you were so young your strength was not yet realized.

I'm sorry that I waited 26 years before I decided to be strong for you and stand up for us. I'm sorry that I never thought speaking up would help us so I just let it go on.

I know you are still in there, deep down in there still crying. I know this because when you cry, I cry so we cry together.

I cry because I let you down. I cry because I never got revenge for you. I cry because I never received closure for us. But I cry most because I know I will never get to meet you since you were taken from me so early. So fast. Forcefully and unwillingly.

I've tried to suppress the memories. I promise I'm not trying to forget you in there. I hear you crying out with your hands out wanting to be picked up.

You want to be taken from his hands now. You don't want to watch cartoons anymore with him. You want mommy to miss work because laying in her bed isn't the same without her next to you.
I finally told mom for us. I finally did it, only it was too late.

I just thought maybe if I got it off of my chest I would be relieved. But it did not work and I still hear you crying. I still see your scared little face taunting me. Why did I leave you there in that dark place where no one can find you?

I go back to that place often searching for you. I hear you calling out but I can never find you. I’m trying to save you so you can save me but why can’t I find you? Are you hiding? He’s gone. He is no longer around. You can come out now and be set free.


I need you right now. I need you like you needed me before but now we are stronger and we can be free together. I can’t be free without you, little Me. I need you to come out of hiding and grow with me. Please. I will come back later to see if you are ready...until then, take care of us in there.

Signed with tears
Your “BIG” you. 😔