I Am Remembering Love
With the very real and recent passing of my beloved Grandmother, there have been so many people with different memories and stories shared about her and the most consistent memory that everyone has of her, is that my Gran believed in true Love. I'm not talking about the type of Love that you think about every now and then, I'm talking about the type of Love that sees, does and overcomes all things.
Before my Gran passed, I had come home to my hometown in Ladysmith, Kwazulu-Natal to not only spend some of my last moments with her, but also just to hear her tell me that everything would be okay. As much as her health had deteriorated, I remember telling her that I felt like I don't feel like I would ever find 'My One'.
Having been on this journey of 'everything-self', I have been trying to be a better 'Love of My Life' to myself since becoming single again almost 10 months ago. I will say that my most recent break-up rocked me from top to bottom. It humbled me in a sense that it showed me that I needed to do a lot more work in being a better partner to myself before I could be a better partner to the next person. I loved my ex to death, no lie, but I'm actually grateful we parted when we did, because I now realise that I want to be with someone that I will fight for and will do the same for me.
My Grandmother and Grandfather and all the others who have experienced 'A Great Love', obviously experienced as many lows as they did highs, if not more, but the point of it all was that they never gave up on one another. My generation struggles with this so much.
In hindsight, with the connections I have made with certain individuals in the past, my intentions were always good, and I would hope that they shared similar sentiments, but I feel like aside from who did what to who and when I, as my own person know that I didn't have enough self-introspection to acknowledge that my abandonment issues from my childhood were why I didn't see any of my relationships forging forward.
I was too comfortable having trust issues and that a man will only give you what he feels you deserve, which is 9/10, always something negative. I grew up with the notion. That a man's role in your life is to 'take' and contribute nothing but suffering.
I remember saying on a recent IG story that my Grant's passing has changed my entire life, forever. The way I feel about certain things, such as Love, my career, Faith, etc, has changed and it's almost like I would be dishonouring her memory by ignoring the fact that I do deserve an absolute and undying love from someone that sees the heart I have and does nothing to try and change it for the better.
I'm a diehard 90s fan, especially when it comes to the old-school love exhibited in 90s movies. I used to be so ashamed linking my dreams of true Love to a storyline, but then again why do we watch all this content if not to believe in something outside of our existing realities. Case in point, the 90s cult-classic, Love Jones. If you have had the pleasure of watching this movie you will see how the different characters struggle with the internal warfare of trying to figure themselves out as individuals whilst trying to find Love in the arms of the right person.
That's a true testament to where I am at right now I my life, except that I still have difficulty in holding onto the notion that he/she exists. I know I am someone that prides themselves in radiating Love and good energy as much as I can, but that is not enough. What about how I still need to honour my desires and wants by choosing a partner that will also choose me?
In my generation, we just want to be able to control and know where to place ourselves in the World that when it comes to things like Love, alot of my generation is like: 'Meh. I'll take whatever because it works'. That's exhausting and I'm over it, to be honest.
All in all from the above, just watch Love Jones. Let me know what you think. I cannot be the only one with all sorts of questions about this type of thing we call being young and in love. Bet.
A Status Update
What's been happening with Nandi?
A quick answer? Too much.
Each time I have thought about blogging in 2021, I tend to hesitate because of the unpredictability that has been the central theme for the year.
I can't say it's been the worst or best year of my life, but I can definitely attest to the fact that in terms of throwing your girl in the deep-end, 2021 has made double-sure that I stay booked, busy and intentional with anything and everything.
We still have an entire pandemic ruling our lives, but living in a Covid-Era, has me questioning everything and everything more than I ever have in my entire life.
I always prided myself in always being certain about what I wanted when I wanted it, but I'm noticing that it was so much easier to 'fake it till you make it' in my early twenties than it is now at age 27.
Getting into all this tea, Chile... A lot
Let's Get This Work, Sis!
My Life Since Becoming A Junior Social Media & Community Manager
Okay, so a quick catch up:
Professionally? Previously, I blogged about becoming a Social Media & Community Management Intern for a great Marketing & Advertising agency in Joburg, but the Universe, God and I have been really busy. When I say 'so busy', I mean that I got promoted to a permanent position as Junior Social Media & Community Manager within a short span of two months into my internship.
Mad-grateful, to say the least.
It's July 2021 now and 7 months into my role, I can say (with my entire chest) that it is the most toughest, but amazing journey.
I am good at what I do. I am not afraid to make mistakes and to learn, because that's what makes me good at what I do so far.
I understand that my potential cannot be compartmentalised (honestly), hence why the growth is inevitable.
Social Media for me, has always been such an outlet to actively celebrate and express 'all things Nandi and then some', but having it be a daily part of my 'job', is highly rewarding. I get to work on brands that I grew up loving and being in a creative position to take those brands to the next level, is the biggest reward of it all.
I don't intend on working for someone forever, but my whole thing is that there are so many ways that we can enjoy and benefit from Social Media and I want to be one of those people in the forefront of changing the way that you, my consumer, views or experiences a content piece.
Are you guys keen to take this journey with me?
I am. 🏆
I can't even stop me.
Look, I'm A Social Media Community Management Intern!
With as many twists & turns that can come with this pandemic, Life has such a miraculous & incredible way of turning out.
I spent all of Lockdown going back to Step 1, in terms of getting my life together. Whether I was developing new content pieces for Nandi the Light, meditating or learning a new recipe, Lockdown gifted me with the best possible results ever.
I was referred by a friend that works for a well-renowned Brand Strategist company to apply for one of their new posts, namely the 'Social Media Community Management Intern' post, & naturally, I was more than excited to apply, but having applied for so many jobs at that time, & being consistently rejected, had almost destroyed my self-esteem.
I became so accustomed to receiving one of two responses to my applications:
a) 'We regret to inform you...'
b) No response at all
The realist (or potential pessimist) in me knew that yes, I had an obligation to myself to 'throw caution to the wind' & just send in my CV, but the other part of me had no reserve tank when it came to facing any more rejection from a place of employment.
... But Rejection, Is A Part of Life, no?
Naturally, we all know this, but how do continuously accept that your skills (or lack thereof), are not suited or wanted by a specific place of employment?
I'm not questioning the employment system as much as I used to, simply because, in my case, I had no choice, but to trust my process & what the Universe had in store for me. That's right, I had to understand that my timing may not be best-suited for my journey & that when the time was right, I would be sent out to do something that I could align myself with & view as more than 'just a job' .
I could have tried to manipulate a situation (out of desperation in needing a job) to try & make it work in my favour, but I also knew that I wanted Purpose more than I wanted a check & becoming a 'Social Media Community Management Intern' at my new place of employment, is something that only I could have dreamed of & manifested.
From the moment I re-edited my entire CV from scratch in the way that the company might appreciate, to sending in some of my blogging material, I knew it was time to take myself, seriously, not only as an individual, but as a brand.
I knew that in my approach in answering the questions in the interview, I had to be authentic in who I was as Nandi Makhanya, not just who they needed me to be. Me being myself & emphasizing my importance in getting the position is, something that I am so proud of, because doing that, got me hired to work for the opportunity of a lifetime.
You know the whole expression of 'The great thing about being so low is that there's only one way to go: Uup'.
Being jobless & uncertain about where your life is heading, is something that most of us will have to face at some time or other unfortunately, but I am immensely grateful, that I do not have to settle or accept that notion as a permanent option in my life.
With as many "no's", as I had received up until getting this job, I made sure to use those "no's" as a reason to go and get the achievement & rewards that I feel I deserve.
My journey, has just started & I'm excited.
2020: A Year of Constant 'Entanglements'
The pressure to have it all.
What does it mean to have it all? For one person it could be, having a big house, but for me having it all at 26, would be getting back on my feet mentally, emotionally & spiritually. Oh, & don't forget, financially.
As a Black woman, I was raised to survive, & I was raised to believe that 'God-forbid' if you are not coping emotionally, you either toughen up & move on, or you take your issues to Church.
However, the older I get & the more involved in get into my late twenties, the more I realise that I want to do & be more, as opposed to just 'surviving'.
Life, as a 26 year old Black woman, is more than just begging to be seen & heard, it should be about doing whatever you feel that you need to so that you can live your life on your (own) terms.
It's probably the day of Lockdown & de-normalising myself from behaviors that were taught to me, but this has been the toughest, yet the most important part of my Life thus far, not only because it's important, but because, I cannot afford to dungeon myself in norms that are not in line with what I desire for my life.
It almost seems childish that I expect my life to turn out the way that I wanted it to when I had been self-sabotaging myself with ideals that were not meant for me. And why? Probably because the possibility of being critisised for choosing my individuality seemed like a choice that would hurt me in the long run, but guess what? There is no such as 'having it all figured out'.
Honestly, we all need to be a bit more kind to ourselves, let alone everybody else.
About the Blog
What's my story, you ask?
I, Nandi Nicole Victoria Makhanya, am constantly seeking ways to change the way Black women are viewed in society, highlighting the importance of celebrating yourself, regardless of what you look like.
I don't claim or pretend to have all the answers, but I do have a voice that needs to be heard and this blog, 'Nandi the Light', is the ideal vessel to do just that.
Nandi the Light - A blog by Nandi Makhanya
My Ultimate 'Black Girl Magic Guide'
Nandi the Light, is a secret window into my world. This blog aims to empower & inform women that they hold the power, & will celebrate the power that is Black Girl Magic.