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Posing in public: an anxious brain

Look around you, everything is a photography opportunity
A car park
A brick wall
A bunch of trees
A colourful door
A street
A beach
Literally anywhere!

However, having the guts to stand in public and pose is another story, living with anxiety or not.

My first piece of advice when starting to take posed pictures in public would be to start off in places where there are not a lot of people.

The first few times I stood and posed in public was in alleys and back streets in front of graffiti where no one would be.

This takes a lot of the pressure and awkwardness away from feeling as though people are watching you.

Once you’re comfortable with deserted back streets and alleys it’s time to upgrade! Move towards streets and carparks on an evening or early mornings when not a lot of people will be about.

It’s going to be possible that there might be some people wandering around but bumping into lots of people and having people in the backgrounds of your pictures is highly unlikely.

This stage took me so so long to get used to. I was constantly looking around to see if anyone was there or the few people that were there were looking and I would never get any decent photos because I was too concerned if anyone was there or looking.

Finally, as you can see there is a pattern to how this works. You spend your time building up to more crowded places. It’s not just a straight line in getting to that point though. It is a roller coaster.

Some days you will see so so many photograph opportunities but could no sooner face standing in front of a camera and posing.

It takes time and some days will be harder than others but smile like you mean it, do awkward and weird poses, laugh, laugh even harder at the bad picture and most of all live your life like there is no one watching.

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Wow! It’s been a while...

I haven’t had the desire to write at all recently which is heart breaking because it is something that I love to do!

In between the decline of my mental health, eating unhealthily again, having zero motivation for the gym I’ve picked up reading again.

It’s like a breath of fresh air! This post is going to be the benefits I’ve found so far from reading!

1. Train journeys and public transport are a lot less scary when you are lost in a book!

2. Aimlessly scrolling through Instagram is a thing of the past.

3. Falling asleep is a lot easier when the blue light from screens are replaced with a books and a warm light.

4. The inspiration won’t stop coming! (Motivation is slowly come back...)

5. Conversations are better and I have a lot more to talk about other than “did you see this on Instagram?” “Have you seen this Facebook post?”

I write for me and if other people enjoy what I write then it is a bonus.

Thank you for reading and stopping by!

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Always remember these three things!

As of lately, I’ve been full of positivity and motivation over on my Instagram and here on my blog.

Yet I’ve been feeling disheartened with the gym, fat loss and food. I have a few days on track and then a week off because I get sick and lose interest.

I’m writing here today to remind myself that I am human, everything isn’t always unicorns and rainbows.

Three things to remember when lifting weights and trying to lose fat:

Sleep, mood and what you have eaten can affect how heavy you lift or how well you perform in the gym.

One ‘bad’ meal isn’t going to ruin a full weeks worth of trying and ‘good’ food.

Fat loss isn’t instant, it takes time. It’s a long process that you have to put effort into and be dedicated.

I write for me and if other people enjoy what I write then it is a bonus.

Thank you for reading and stopping by!

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I’m back!

Just a little update sharing with you all why Ive been been so quiet over on my social media.

My flat flooded. Ankle deep kind of flooded. I was moved into a temporary flat while mine dried out yet it still smelt damp.

I moved into my new flat. I love it! This year I’ve took the plunge to pay the money for an en-suit room and it’s gorgeous!

My back is playing up so my routine is all over which makes my anxiety a lot worse than it should be.

So today, even though I’m in ridiculous amounts of pain, I’m starting fresh! I’m not waiting for a Monday. I’m back to eating properly, getting my bullet journal up to date and using it daily, tidying up and getting everything put away in the flat and back to regular posting on Instagram.

I write for me and if other people enjoy what I write then it is a bonus.

Thank you for reading and stopping by!

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Trains: an anxious brain

Trains. Public transport. A part of daily life for some. Meanwhile others are panicking their whole time on a train.

Today is a light hearted post of thoughts that run through my anxiety filled brain when I take a train.

I’m on the wrong train.

What if someone wants to sit next to me and I just look rude with my bag on the seat.

I’m going to miss my stop.

My music is play out loud.

I bought the wrong ticket.

We’re going to crash.

My bags going to fall and empty all over the floor.

I’ve left something at the station.

Loads of people are going to get on at the next stop.

It’s too busy, there’s too many people in a small space.

I am in no way shape or form poking fun at people with anxiety. As someone who suffers greatly with anxiety I thought I would use the negatives of a train ride back to uni and turn it into something light hearted and positive to take my mind off being in a train.

I write for me and if other people enjoy what I write then it is a bonus.

Thank you for reading and stopping by!

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Chasing the numbers

Lifting weights is not only intense on your muscles and body it is a mental challenge too.

At the moment I’m desperate to chase the numbers. Get personal bests and improving each week, however, when that doesn’t go to plan it can be hard to accept.

This week I had to deal with the struggle of this for the first time. Not to be dramatic but it’s pretty soul crushing when I’ve been chasing numbers for around a month now and improved within everything wether that be in max reps or with a one rep max.

After the first attempt of a higher and new weight your muscles begin to get fatigued and it’s gets more and more difficult and feels twice a as heavy.

Although your muscles are fatigued and you’re shaking your mind knows that it is achievable so I done the worst thing possible and pushed and pushed myself too much.

To say I was in pain was an understatement.

So this post is going to be a few things I’ve learnt about listening to my body when enough is enough.

Your body knows best.

There is a difference between pushing yourself and putting yourself in serious risk of an injury.

Never have more that two or three attempts at a one rep max.

It is not the end of the world.

There is always next time

After failing a one rep max try focusing on technique and reps for a weeks or so.

I write for me and if other people enjoy what I write then it is a bonus.

Thank you for reading and stopping by!

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September is pending...

Next week is the week I can finally start using the bullet journal I set up!

September is a little late to set up a bullet journal but I’ve been putting it off and putting it off as I’m not the most artistic person and it something adds more stress to my life than what it takes out of my life I don’t see it as worth it.

A few weeks ago I jumped in head first, bought a bullet journal and started to research. I’m still pretty new to it and I’ve tailored it to focusing on uni and being something that helps my productivity so I didn’t add any of the pretty and fun spreads before I began my month.

I was so scared of writing on my opening page, this is the page that mattered, the page that was supposed to be the most artsy and fully of cute litter drawings so I avoided it. However, when it came down to it, I’m the only one that is going to be using my journal and if it works for me then why should it matter what other people think! So with that, my first page is pretty simple, a photo booth picture of my and my boyfriend and then just my make and uni I’m at.

Since I have based my bullet journal all around uni my next double page is a semester one over view. My attendance is something that I want to pay particular attention to this year as I began to skip uni last year and it showed in my grades so I’ve added a little box to each month where I can write my attendance in. I also wanted a place where I can write all my deadlines and grades down in one place so I’ve included this within my semester one over view.

Then it’s straight into September. I’m going to be using a colour theme for each month, September is blue. My monthly dash board was one of my most time consuming spreads, yet it is my most functional. I’ve included goals, important dates, deadlines, a habit tracker and a space for memories all on one double page.

Being able to see exactly what is going on in my personal lift, uni and at work all in one place is something that I need yet I don’t want it to look cluttered and be confusing to read. So I decided to skip my page in three and have a line for each day. That means everything is in one place yet work, uni and personal are are split up.

Gratitude is something that I want to start practicing, a gratitude journal is supposed to help you sleep better and reduce anxiety. So I have decided to do a single page spread on “today I am thankful for....” each day I will be writing down something that had happened that I am thankful for.

This double page spread is probably my favourite spread in my whole journal. Suffering with anxiety I wanted a place where I could see what my mood had been like over a period of time, see how man bad days to good days I’d had so I placed a mood tracker in. How long I spend studying is also something that is really important to me, I’m working towards getting a first in my degree which means that I need to work hard. So my days consist of small patches of studying throughout the day around other things like seeing friends, gyming, work and other things life throws as me which makes it difficult to see how long throughout the day I have been studying. This will make it that bit more easier to see just how many hours I’ve spent working on uni things.

Then it’s only my weekly spread. Having my weekly spread simple, with as much space to write as possible is really important to me so my weekly spread really isn’t exciting but is more functional. I’ve included a space for a to-do list, shopping list, notes and anything that I’ve planned for the following week.

I’m so excited to start using my bullet journal. At the end of September I will be doing a update post on how I found it and if anything needs changing or adding.

I write for me and if other people enjoy what I write then it is a bonus.

Thank you for reading and stopping by!

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Cutting, bulking and power lifting

I honesty can’t believe I’m writing a post like this. I never in a million years thought I would enjoy the gym as much as I am, I expected to drag myself to the gym everyday and use it just to lose weight.

I could not have been more wrong. I look forward to going to the gym, I’m slowly taking on a routine of a power lifter and lifting heavier each week is something that I work towards daily.

I’m still carrying a some extra pounds so at the minute I’m cutting. This means that I’m eating in a calorie deficit and doing a lot of cardio along side weight training. I’m still gaining strength but no where near the amount of strength I could be gaining.

Although I’m not going to be at my dream weight and body come October 1st I have decided that I’m going to be bulking October through to January. Thai means that I will be eating a surplus of calories and going light on the cardio while having the carbs and energy to gain more strength and build my muscle a lot more.

The fact that I can write something like this and have a pretty good idea of what I’m writing amazes me. Just a few months ago all of this was just words to me and meant nothing. Now, it is something that is apart of my life.

When I begin to bulk I’m hoping to gained masses amount of strength and at least double all of my personal bests by then end of my bulking period.

As of later I have decided that I’m going to take power lifting seriously and start looking at competitions.

Obviously competitions are a few years away yet. I’m hoping to get another cycle of cutting and bulking done before I even begin to consider entering competitions.

However, each gym sessions has began feeling like I’m one step closer to competing and one step closer to getting the fittest I can be.

A pretty ramble-y post but I wanted to get it down and make sure this is something I’m reminded of everyday.

I write for me and if other people enjoy what I write it is a bonus.

Thank you for reading and stopping by!

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Uni is coming!

We’re now well and truly into August which means September and back to school season is just around the corner.

In today’s post I’m sharing a few of the things you should be doing to prepare yourself for back to school season.

Sleeping pattern - if yours is already still a decent sleeping pattern I bow down to you! However, slowly going to bed earlier each week and getting up a little earlier with you those of you that have completely ruined their sleeping pattern over the summer. If it’s done slowly it’s less of a shock to your body and you won’t feel as tired and fragile when getting back into early mornings.

Routine - a lot like your sleeping pattern this is probably all over too. If you’re in school or have an idea of your time table so you know the times you have free time start to adapt your routine to fit around school and your time table. Trust me, this is a god send when it comes down to it. No rushing around to get everything done or to try and do the things you love.

Get ahead - if you know what classes you have in September then start to read around the general topic to gain a little bit of basic knowledge before going into these classes. This is something I didn’t do last year and it showed, I felt out of my depth and struggled to keep up with everything.

Clean and tidy - tidy up your space, declutter this you no longer need or use. This will not only help you to stay productive when September comes but it will also help the anxiety that most people feel around going back into school or starting a whole new college or uni.

I hope you enjoyed this post!

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Getting strong!

I’ve been going to the gym consistently for around 3 months, I’m no expert and I still don’t fully understand everything.

However, I finally have a healthy relationship with food and the scales.

By a healthy relationship with food I don’t mean I don’t have days where I binge everything and days that I hate what I’m eating but I no longer eat until I’m bloated or live off fast food and take away.

Let me be real it was a struggle, like a really big struggle. Some days all I’ve wanted to do is eat, not have to weigh everything out or put something back because I don’t have the fat, carbs or calories to eat it. There’s been days that I’ve not been able to lift in the gym because I’ve binged on a full tube of Pringles and a packet of chocolate biscuits but then days happen and will still happen. No one is perfect.

My relationship with food isn’t the healthiest it could be but it is a great deal healthier than it was, I understand that feeding my body the right things will help me perform better in the gym, feel better in myself and even affect my mood.

The think I live by is if I fancy it and I have the macros or calories left to eat it then I will eat it within reason. For example I try not to eat a full bag of sweets it only eat a few and work them into my daily’s. This can be difficult don’t get me wrong but with a little self discipline it begins to become a habit and natural.

The scales. The dreaded scales. This took my a lot longer to understand properly and have a better relationship with. It still needs a lot of work, trust me. I still dread the scales each week and some weeks I’ve sat and cried in the gym because of the results. Yet I’m slowly changing my mindset to a positive one. I’m lifting heavy and growing muscle which will affect the number on the scales.

Since starting the gym I have lost just over 2kg yet my body looks completely different, I’m lifting heavier and I feel so much better in myself.

Slowly I am working towards becoming a healthier and stronger person both mentally and physically with the help of the gym.

A post all about my mental health and the gym will soon be live!

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Overwhelmed and exhausted

Life. I love it and I’m happy, probably the happiest I’ve been in a long long time yet I’m overwhelmed and exhausted. Sound familiar?

Yeah, living with anxiety is crazy!

This post isn’t all about my struggles with anxiety. This post is to shed light on what your friends or family members might be going through or feeling relating to my own person experiences. This post is to help you be more understanding and help a little more.

Some days it’s difficult to leave your bed, never mind the house. So when plans get cancelled last minute it’s not because they want to, they probably really want to go, but physically they just can’t bring themselves to leave the house. Don’t be angry, even though it’s annoying, ask if they want you to go over instead.

Being angry and snappy comes hand in hand with anxiety. However, sometimes people are just being a dick for the fun of it. It can also be because they have a lot going through their mind. It’s constantly filled with dread, worry and the feeling of something bad happening.

Crying. A lot of crying. Crying for no reason, crying from being happy, crying from being exhausted, crying from being sad, just crying. Living with anxiety can be really overwhelming and sometimes the only way our body knows how to deal with that is to cry.

This post is pretty long so I’m just going to leave it there. I hope you enjoyed it!

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Coffee shop lovin’

Whether it be Starbucks, Costa, Cafe Nero, an independent coffee shop or even your own home there is just something about coffee and coffee shops that draws you in.

The smell
The taste
The sounds
The homely feel, as if it is a home from home
The all kinds of people you see
The staff

Whatever it is for you, there is something that keeps you going back to coffee shops but what exactly is that?

What is it that makes coffee shops so different from drinking a nice cup of coffee out of your favourite mug in the comfort of your own home?

I’ve always loved the feel of coffee shops. The comforting smell of coffee and the loud machines that seems to just met into the background noise always keeps me going back for more.

I very rarely return to coffee shops for the coffee, even though I am a coffee lover. It’s always something else that bring me back.

Lately I’ve been craving the feel and comfort that a coffee shop brings me as my mental health as been on the decline again. I find coffee shops peaceful, calming and most of all a home for home.

Now, the anxiety of getting there, that’s a whole other story! However, once I’m in a coffee shop it has all been worth it.

Recently I’ve been using this as a way for me to push past my anxiety and do things that I’m struggling to do. I’ve been looking for the calming, comforting and peaceful factors in everything that I do and it’s working to some extent.

Slowly but surely my love for coffee shops is helping me to push past my anxiety and live a happy life.

As much as my love for coffee shops is as great as it is, yours might not be! I’d love to know what your biggest love in life is, apart from your other half!

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Good Morning!

After going on so much about evening routines and sharing mine with you all, I thought that it was only fitting that I now share my morning routine with you all!

1. Scroll through social media for 10/15mins (okay sometimes it’s for hours)

2. Put my gym clothes on as soon as I get out of bed

3. Sometimes I go straight to the gym, other days I will tidy up and get the flat straight before going to the gym

4. Get back, shower and get dressed, ready to start my day!

A pretty short and simple morning routine!

As much as it’s short and simple I mostly struggle to stick to it... my sleeping pattern is all over and this heat is killing me!!

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My Evening Routine

After hyping up routines so much I thought that it was only fitting to share my own evening routine!

If I haven’t done my evening routine my morning routine suffers and everything feels all out of sorts!

So here goes! My very own evening routine!

1. Make up off and skin care

2. Shower

3. Face mask (not every week)

4. Teeth and teeth whitening

5. Write a draft to-do list, just a rough scribble of anything that comes to my head that needs doing

6. Mentally plan out what I want to wear in the morning

7. Set my alarms

8. Watch some Netflix and YouTube

9. Meditate

10. Pray and read some bible (if I don’t fall asleep while I meditate)

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Even more routines!

A follow on post from the previous slide!

Morning routines, just as important as a nighttime routine but a lot harder to get down! So before you jump in head first and create an all singing all dancing morning routine like your favourite YouTube, here are the benefits of a morning routine!

1. Morning stress, running late and rushing out of the door will become a thing of the past!

2. You will actually have time to relax in the morning, reducing the stress throughout the rest of your day.

3. Mornings will no longer be something that you hate or dread.

4. You will become one of those morning people!

My morning and evening routine will be live soon!! Keep your eyes pealed!

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Routines!

Routines, everyone is talking about them! This one claims to have the ultimate morning routine, another one says that you should get up at 5am and then there's me! Little ol' me, jumping on the routines bandwaggon but with the facts and important stuff!

Having a solid nighttime routine, in my opinion, is more important and beneficial than a morning routine.

So in this post we are going to be taking about evening routines and the benefits of one.

1. Let's your body and mind know that it is time to wind down and shut off which in turn helps you to gain more sleep and if not more a better quality sleep with a lot less tossing and turning.

2. You will often find that your mornings will run smooth, like crazy smooth!

3. Your body clock with naturally fall into its own routine and soon waking up groggy to an alarm will be a thing of the past, your body clock will come at you in full force.

4. You will easily fall asleep even when you are in a different environment if you follow your nighttime routine steps outside of your own home.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that a morning routine doesn't matter because they do! A hell of a lot! From personal experience, once a solid night-time routine is in place it is miles easier to follow a morning routine.

About me

Sometimes that’s just how it be.

Hello! Wellcome to my tiny little space on Instagram!

This mini website is going to be filled with all my favourite blog posts as well as my own blog!

Keep checking back to see if your post has been featured!

My favourite blog posts this week!

Sometimes that’s just how it be.

Sharing my favourite posts of the week! Is yours featured?

Stay Humble | Owen

Never getting time off work and university, I went for two days and one night away in a city I have visited very minimally; Durham.

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