Welcome to my Blog

faith based or thoughts/options

the people we're surrounded by

real

she just wants to feel accepted. so she starves herself to fit into the standard that society has now called beautiful. ——————————
he bottles up all of his emotions and presses hurt from the past and present down. because he’s always adapted to this society that guys don’t feel, they press on. they do what they have to do move on.
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she once saw worth in herself but after every rejection and every guy that broke her heart, she finds herself waking up next to people she settled for. just to feel some form of valued. ——————————
he’s mad at himself for continuing to struggle with lust and pornography. he loves Jesus, but somehow he always ends up failing and wonders if God really has a purpose for his life because this can’t be it.
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she can’t leave her bed. she never feels the strength to anymore. depression and anxiety have her in a chokehold and joy and peace seem like a fairytale because it’s been so long since she remembers feeling either.
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these people make up the church. they are the ones you sit next to sunday after sunday. every hand lifted in worship, every tear drop, every pair of eyes you look into. we all have a story. we all have the same need. Jesus. we all are struggling in some way or another. if any of these people are you today, i just felt led to say that He sees you. He sees your fight. He loves you. and He still wants you. the you that’s reading this. mistakes and all. He wants you to come. He wants to break your chains. He wants freedom to be a part of your story. He wants you to know that you are more than the place you find yourself in right now.

Anxiety

the feeling.

what anxiety is like. and honestly, i feel as if words will never really do justice to accurately describe any sort of mental illness. i’ve come to the conclusion that unless you deal with it, you can never really know the fullness of the horror that mental illnesses are. i could describe anxiety like a constant state of drowning and no matter how hard you swim up, you never reach the surface and all you want is to just be able to breathe again. i could describe anxiety as an infinite line of dominos that one thought triggers and starts an endless tumbling spiral of thoughts and worries that consume your mind and lock the door behind them so that no matter how hard you try and get them out, there is no escape. i could describe anxiety as not fully being able to enjoy life because the smallest things sometimes trigger an instant wave of getting physically sick. i could go on and on to talk about anxiety and show you the hopelessness that seems to lie within it’s tight grasp. however, there is hope. because there are times where i’m drowning, but a hand reaches out and pulls be above the surface allowing me to fill my lungs with oxygen again. there are times where the dominos are falling but a hand reaches out and stops the tumbling process as if to say “trust me, i’ve got you." i haven’t been able to live life without anxiety, but i have been able to live life with hope in the midst of it. hope has a name, his name is Jesus

broken

6-2-2020

currently trying to figure me out. not sure how to or why I am but I am. I guess, trying to figure out what I want in life but not knowing a thing about anything. living in a society where it’s normal to drop out of high school or not go to college and pursue a career. living where sickness and violence are out of control. anxiety at its highest. Wondering why everything is happening the way it is and why people are acting the way they are, wondering if things will ever calm down. living somewhere where it’s isolated. sickness and violence are at a minimum and people still living. my heart hurts for those who are experiencing this scary world right now. praying for all of them to turn to their creator and start taking action. without change, things will be progressing more and more within time. I can’t change the people of the world and neither can you, but God can and the only one who can. living and trusting the one who wonderfully created you,is about all you and I can do during this unfaithful and sad time. something about feeling secure and loved in the middle of this sad and angry world is something only the ones who are saved feel. Change is something we need and all want right? why not run to the father for righteousness, peace, love, kindness, and goodness?

life is never easy.

following jesus

life is never easy. and i think without really saying it we have in our heads that because we follow Jesus, because we surround ourselves with good people, because we read our Bibles are lives should be an overflowing cup of joy. and don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of days that’s the case, however, as much as we have our good days it’s just as easy for our path to lead to a valley rather than the mountaintop. i mean Jesus literally told us that following Him would make our lives more difficult, so i’m not sure when His words become a reality in our lives we’re often like “what the heck? why is this happening to me?” so i’m in a valley. one of the hardest valley’s i’ve ever walked through, full of God teaching me joy, patience, trust. filled with God showing me the ugliest parts of myself, parts of me i didn’t even know existed. and as crazy as it sounds, when my head is clear like it is now i’d much rather be here than on any mountaintop. as painful as the valley can be, God has stretched me in ways and taught me things that my heart would’ve never been ready for or accepting of if life were better. valleys are often character builders. so to the people that have come along side me, thank you. and God, i’m not sure what You are up to yet. but help me to be accepting, patient, and trust you. and thanks for walking with me all this time.

Thoughts about Life

god

this has been heavy on my heart for awhile now. and it’s taken me a year to post this caption. but the reality is that there are a lot of christians who are in church on sunday but living in consistent sin the rest of the week. and i’m not saying fake christians, i’m saying people who truly do love the Lord but are entangled in addiction, temptation, and struggle. almost as if sunday is the only thread holding their relationship with God together. that other than your church attendance if you were to step back and look at your life does any of it really reflect you walking with Jesus? maybe that’s you. i know it’s been me. and maybe you’re not happy about it, you want better for yourself. or maybe you’re honestly numb to it now, you’ve dealt with it for so long it just seems normal. but the reality is, some of you wanna love Jesus and you want better for yourself but it’s like no matter how hard you try sin seems to have you in a choke hold. i really pray that i’m speaking to someone out there tonight, because i really wish someone would have said something like this to me a few years ago. so my hope in posting this is to just let you know, if that’s you, i get it. you’ve been living a life for awhile now that you haven’t wanted to live. you’ve become tired of having to bury your sin because if people saw you, the real you, you’re afraid they would never see you the same. shame and guilt have weighed you down for so long that it’s just something you’re used to carrying. i’m just here to tell you: you can beat this. but you have to want it. i mean you have to want it bad enough to do whatever it takes to get out. it’s gonna require some humility, because in order to clean something you have to identify the things that are dirty. you’re gonna have to come to terms with ugliness to begin to see beauty come out of it. maybe you can start today, or maybe you need time. but if you’re like i was, you probably have been telling yourself you were gonna get it together a long time ago. and yet, you’re still here. so pick up your armor. grab your sword. this is war. and when you fight, don’t do it alone. battles are won by an army..

a thing about relationships

“just a friend”

If you’ve found yourself staying up late talking for months at a time with a guy or girl who is “just a friend.”
If you’ve found yourself spending all your time thinking about someone who for whatever reason, won’t commit,
If you’ve found yourself dating someone for a while who can’t say “I love you” or marriage can’t be mentioned, If you’ve found that you’ve gotten really close to a guy you have had romantic feelings for, but things never seemed to go anywhere, know this:
Your heart is valuable to God and anyone you’re spending time intimate with, even if you’re just talking, needs to know that.
It doesn’t matter if he or she is “just” a friend. It doesn’t matter if you’ve known each other for years, he’s always been the one you’ve gone to. It doesn’t matter if you’ve dated for years and even though he won’t commit to marriage, the thought of letting him go breaks your heart, this is still true: Your heart belongs to Jesus, and anyone you spend intimate time with needs to value that. He or she needs to value your time, your body, your heart. So be international about who you invest intimate time with. It matters. Invest more time in your relationship with Jesus more than you invest in any other. Let his love be what makes your heart full whether or not romantic love is in the picture, so when the one who is ready to commit come along, you already know to whom your heart belongs: Jesus

date to marry. be heading somewhere. but realize that it does not always work out like that. sometimes it doesn’t work, and that’s okay. it hurts. but it was not a waste. God taught you something. there was purpose there, even if the ending wasn’t how you thought it would be

the struggle is real

reading the Bible

warning: complete honesty ahead. sometimes i sit down and read the Bible and i'm overwhelmed by such peace and joy that God gives through it. if only it was always like this. sometimes i don't want to read this book. sometimes there is literally no desire there. sometimes sleeping for twenty more minutes sounds better than this book. sometimes catching up on social media sounds better than this book. sometimes literally just being lazy sounds better than this book. sometimes this book feels like more of a chore than a blessing. i hate that it feels this way sometimes but i'm just being honest. i want to encourage you tho, you will find more joy and peace and encouragement from this book than you will find in any other book, social media status, or what that twenty extra minutes of sleep will get you. i'm praying that even on my off days, cuz let's face it we all have those, when i'm just not feelin' it that God would give me grace to just pick it up anyway. because just because you don't feel like it tonight doesn't mean God can't work through it tonight in your life. this book holds so much truth, so much life, so much amazingness. don't let the feelings of worldly pleasures stop you from gaining eternal treasure. don't feel like it today? pick it up anyway. lose that twenty minutes. put your phone down. laziness is overrated. check your heart and reorganize your priorities. i'm right there with you, let's do this together. the Word > the world

a world that supports unethical things

Thoughts on sexual immorality

in a culture where sex is normal and porn is praised. I just want you to know that If you’ve messed up there’s grace for you. Purity is a choice you must make everyday you wake up. You and I must make the choice “Today I choose God”

Society is constantly drawing attention to our bodies as “materialistic” purposely or unconsciously. I’m sure that everyday you think about your body & what if looks like in some form or another. But listen. The way God who created the skies & mountains, valleys & oceans & rivers & forests created you too. To Him, you are infinitely more beautiful than anything else He’s created. You are worth so much not than the size of your jeans, you carry in you beauty & light because the creator looks down upon you as the most beautiful thing he’s made. Take this knowledge and run with it. Because when you finally realize your value, you can stArt to treat others with this same humbling truth. In the end what you look like doesn’t matter. It’s what you’re down to beat vessel for him that does.
So why give our beautiful bodies away so quickly? Why not wait for the man or women God puts in your life ,that you spend the rest of our life with?
In my option if you give yourself up that quickly there’s nothing special about the night after your wedding. Don’t you want to share that Intimate experience with that one person?
And if you’ve messed up, being a born again Christian is totally okay. And it’s not like your going to hell if you’ve messed up also, you are forgiven of all your sins when you give your life to Christ so if you’ve messed up and want to wait until marriage , it’s not too late my friend, accept Jesus into your heart and you will begin a whole new chapter of your life with the one who loves you most.

honest

If we were a little more honest

maybe if we were a little more honest, suicide wouldn’t have seemed like the only option because people knew they weren’t alone.
maybe if we were a little more honest, depression and anxiety wouldn’t feel so lonely and like nobody understands what you’re going through.
maybe if we were a little more honest, the guy who goes to church on sunday but throughout the week is wrapped up in an addiction to pornography would know that he’s not the only one who’s struggling in the church.
maybe if we were a little more honest, the girl who is starving herself to fit society’s definition of beauty would see that people have gone down this road before and that definition of beauty is empty.
maybe if we were a little more honest, the girl who just wants to feel accepted wouldn’t have compromised her morals because the only person who made her feel loved was a guy that knew he was going to break her heart but just wanted her in bed.
maybe if we were a little more honest, the people who are cutting their skin at night to take the pain away would see that this doesn’t take it away, only numbs it for a little bit.
maybe if we were a little more honest, the couple that just screwed up and went too far physically would know that they can recover from this and still have such a healthy and God glorifying relationship.
these are the conversations we need to be having. these are the conversations the church is failing to address.
maybe if we were a little more honest with each other we’d actually begin to see healing in the areas of our life that need it. there is power in admitting that you are struggling, it opens up the door for others to say “me too.” and that’s where it all begins. we start to realize that we’re all just the same. you and i. broken people who need help.
maybe if we were honest, we’d see lives change

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