RedemptionOfHer
The Life Story Of Renity Reimer-Kennington
Now being the year of 2022...Yet So Much Time Wasted, So much time being her own dark shadow, and 19 years wasted with Temptation and letting her emotions cloud her wisdom... Well no more! She says!
Shes got thoughts that no one has ever heard her say, she has goals to change her life along with herself into the dream girl she has always visioned in her mind...(and not in the way your thinking ladies & gents).
They say many prefer to follow traditions and popular trends, but this young lady has witnessed the very thing she wants to block herself from becoming, no matter how long she lives & grows.
And many say she is too wise beyond her age, and tall with wounds but walks with Sass and purpose; She is the very Prophesy of what a woman of balancing both worlds becomes, and with time is she given signs that prove loyally that shes walking down the path she dreams about?
What path is that?
If your a reader.. Find out!
Because even with a past, she touches hearts with What she feels Empathically, she relates to many, shes not perfect, but Happiness is everything to her. It has been for 20 years.
Happiness is rare.
The question is... how RARE?
"πβπ πΉπππππ πβππ‘π πΏππβπ‘ππ"
Where did I begin to slip?
Where did she abandon me and become so miserable that she couldn't even look at me, that she chose to lock herself away in the deepest part of myself where she knows i cant access her Ever?
How do i get her back and stop looking like this rebel bastard child?
Shes dying to come out, ive starved her for years in the back of my mind and in the purest part of my heart that is locked and out of reach.
She has been in there since 2005! Only one memory...
And temptation is my disease, my weakness, my monsters craving to be a follower instead of my own Powerful woman on High legs.
The most powerful human is the one that is wise and riding the high road with every single moment of the human life.
She is in here somewhere and somedays its like she is the voice in the far part of my mind, like an echo.
As if my memory of her is deleted, but not on purpose, i just lost touch with her over time.
I WANT HER BACK. Even if myself or my family and friends do not recognize her or the way she communicates, or the way she looks at herself in the mirror; like a beautiful anomaly that has returned home. In my Body. Where she belongs.
She is thin and starving, she is drained of color but with one touch of her cold tired hands reaching for the life raft i threw to pull her back into my heart to reconnect our roots... Theres no going back with what she has missed. Perhaps its best
She forgets it all since she wasn't there with me, through the many dragging years of temptation, grief, heaviness and constant drag of discovery and cravings is something she would be very disappointed about.
And bringing her back as if she died is not a risk but the change i need for the happiness she deserves. So this life story is for You Serenity. Your name is the definition of C.a.l.m. and after all i put your body through... I owe you alot to fix what you left me to take care of when i was so little.
But i understood the assignment... Unfortunately i failed. But please come back. I'm not fully present without you. If you hear me just answer me and jump back to the shell you belong inside of!
I say it every year but this time i know what i have to do so you can come back home. I have waited long enough, and you chose to run when i was just a baby...but i am lost without my white-lighter. A shadow-self cannot live a full life on its own without its other half!
I need my other half to live the next generation, because if i don't get you back and my family passes away as i age; theres no coming out the other side from that. I may not hear you, but i know you hear me everytime i slip, or walk in danger, or get emotional... I know that your caged somewhere inside me... So show me. SHOW ME HOW. How can i release you? And how do i release evil out of me so you can come home?
When you come home, you wont take no judgements by who you really are, how you speak or what language you speak...and you will never live as a shadow under me again. Help me balance our nature after 20 years is that enough to convince you?
Lets begin, because you wont be the only one reading this.
"Tik-Toc Generation Knock"
Before 2005 its a blur, but being a small child i was developing, not knowing something was always Wrong inside me. Something dark came into my life in the year of 2005. No child should remember that but i did.
Many changes in my life came and those events set my whole timeline in motion.
It wasn't anybody's fault, especially mine.
Growing up between ages 12-18 i was a girl that lost track record of her monsters that continued to expand like dropping a Minto inside a coke bottle.
I was that very half human that had a lighter in her left pocket ready to self-sabotage when any moment got tough because it wasn't the people that unfulfilled me or let me down, it was my white lighter that left the door open for the darkness to spread like it was that easy... And it was.
The half of me that i needed, i felt was kicked to the dungeon because having that darkness hang over me even as a baby was such a paradox, that there was an unfair switch that i never knew would forever eat at me as a child and as a young girl and later on as an adolescent.
For as long as i can remember...
I Vowed to myself to never continue traditions of any of my generations and the last 10 before that on my mothers side and my fathers side.
Sure... Perhaps theres so much to learn but one thing i know is that im treating my life the way i want to see it.
Ive tried but without my bright side, ive lost my way each year... No light but only dark times.
Bad mistakes that were started by young temptation. But that echo in the back of my mind sometimes rescues me. And one day i realized every human from each descendant is never the same and is never the same when it comes to making it to the finish line.
So the question is...
If I finally let go of this Darkness...
Will Serenity Come back home?
Is she still inside me somewhere?
Or am i too late?
"Time's up"
Fear Runs my life.
Like a stop watch.
Every night since my 16th birthday i watch myself sleep and id walk around the environment im present in, and im walking like im awake, holding objects but my hands are not my hands, and everytime i sleep walk, i NEVER look in mirrors, theres that echo that tells me NO! DONT!
So the anxiety sits there... Heavy and it hurts like im in jail for something i dont even understand.
Over years when i went to sleep i was terrified of having my face exposed to the room so id fully tuck my blankets around me like a caccoon. And leave a small hole for my nose and mouth to breathe facing the wall.
I always knew something heavy and not welcome was hanging over my body and would become worse each day i woke up alive.
Eventually that day of Temptation came...
Where my world came crumbling down so fast i didnt even understand it.
The messed up part in this was that when my disease started, it was like that darkness i was talking about... Prepared me on how to take pain... Fed on my jealousy, anger, Intensified emotions...
Made me ready to self inflict at the most innapropriate times possible.
Over time at age 13 my family was always changing, along with schools, locations, homes, and friends.
It was dark times that fed my darkness even more as a new teenager.
Angry at the people who brought me into this world for no reason but too weak to fight off that heavy weight alone...
I gave in to temptation even when that echo screamed at me not to give in or let go.
What was i supposed to do?
My support system was cut into groups that to this day i still cant get on board with no matter how much Coping options...
The triggers are everywhere
And i cant face them without my other half.
The cravings for Escape
The cravings for something sad rather than happy because over time i got that sick implanted core belief- that its better to just live a full life of 0% hope and brutal dark truth then to face it on a high horse.
I wish my entire life from 2005 was just a bad dream and i wake up near my mom as a scared little infant baby.
So i may look like im head of the train but the truth is im not who i look to be.
Wishing it was that easy to snap back to where i came from.
The question is;
How the Fuck did i get here from 2005?
And how the fuck do you reverse that?
After so much time wasted...
Does hope in a year like this one actually exist?
Or was i guided here to take control for the right reasons?
I only will know if i stay on task.
Each thing i do brings her that much closer.
And then i can return her in here and free her for what time is left.
OH HEY, FOR BEST VIEWING, YOU'LL NEED TO TURN YOUR PHONE