WTF is this?!?!

The truthful up-to-date honest insight into the life of mine and my 4 children, which describes my sometimes chaotic, manic, hectic, fun, crazy and downright nuts life.....and I legit wouldn't have it any other wayπŸ’œ

Feisty, outspoken Yorkshire mum of 4, who decided to share her daily life to you guysπŸ’œπŸ€— in the hopes that I'll prove to myself (and my kids πŸ˜’) that I am not actually doing that bad of a job raising FOUR πŸ˜ͺπŸ™ƒπŸ‘πŸΌ little bundles of joyandloveandirriatationandannoyance that we each brought into this world πŸ€—πŸ€£.. you'll get nothing but brutal honesty and the occasional sarcastisc humour that often is my holding back...lets go πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜­

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2 busy 4 small talk πŸ˜ͺπŸ‘©β€πŸ‘§β€πŸ‘§πŸ‘©β€πŸ‘¦β€πŸ‘¦πŸ’ƒπŸ»

So I suppose this is where I'm supposed introduce myself, but I just thought, why not jump right in, go with the flow and I'm sure you'll pick it up as we go along, this is me & my family..that's if there's anyone actually reading this, and if not.. then I'm just writing a blog or vlog or whatever you call it, to myself each day...telling myself what I have done... each day and events in my life... that I am already, well aware of... like some crazy person πŸ€”πŸ€£... but hey ho, if the shoe fitsπŸ’…πŸΌ πŸ’ƒπŸ».. alls I will say is, I'm a single 30shhhhhh year old mother of 4, i have produced 2 boys and 2 girls and I'm studying part-time from home towards a degree in forensic psychology. I have one sister, one mother, one father and I don't speak to any of them...obviously it is the fact that I am right and they are all wrong and absolute idiots, that need to keep the distance that they are currently keeping away from me and everything will be smashing LMAO...but that's a whole the different therapy session drama maybe another day haha

So... this happened...πŸ˜’πŸ‘πŸΌ my youngest child 2-year old she's gone but she is actually speaking now like anyone who's in The Parent knows the youngest always feels like the baby like she think what is a three month old walking around the house but legit she's like two and a bit and she said proper things now like give it now and I never ever ever va every single morning without fail she wants routine she will stand her bedroom door banging on the door shouting with absolute Fury good morning mummy it's absolutely terrifying yet hilarious that are laughing my head off every single warning whilst also try not to cry into my pillow at the first dates 4:37 in the morning and my little bundle of joy think it's a good morning not all of that but the kind of in-between Potter trading and not now I'm not going to lie and anyone who's anyone want to be with me you have the stage where you think you're gonna put you and you tell people you're going to put you in then there's the starting all energetic and positive full of hope and then move on to the second stage wear your child pisses on sheets everywhere like everywhere like I'm not even lying my daughter once shot in her back looking back I should have reacted I think shark my 5-month old was eating her own s*** out of a bag of crisps mistaking it for quavers anywhere else different story my point was the second stage where everything is going to s*** you had enough so you bring a nappy back home whenever you can just because you convince yourself that you can tell the charge listen look at me look at my eyes tell me when you need a wee don't worry nappy ok 10-minutes later models over bum bum poo poo ok brilliant awesome this second stage is when most likely people will ask how the poor training is going if she's doing well and you will agree to try for 3 days now yeah just yeah only a bedtime reading through the day she is dry cracked a think you'll be on the on the or drizzle all the time hiding the fact that you have slept out big time because you are sick of this smell of s*** in your living room the child is probably going to be wearing nappies by the age of 7 but then but then this is the third stage when when you are backed into a corner because people think you've got turned utopias and you you've taught people how well she did how brilliant she did as she's cracked it now she's so clever so now you have been invited to a party and you have to put your knickers as you told them she no longer has nappies hoping for the next 3 hours pass the parcel and pin the Tail on the donkey she doesn't she 10 acres and possibly eat it was taking it for a 4 pack of quavers but yeah don't worry if it comes to the point where you absolutely have to tell people you know you know people someone sees you buy nappies and I don't know then I really have to do my friend is just cancel a while I've just come back with that I don't know what it's like one step forward two steps back and you know I don't know what the hell is problem is but yeah yeah just decided to go back to himself all the time I don't know what's wrong with him first the original point of this story was not that I Lie To people that have a father to my child ones cracking potty training in 2 week and 7 hours you but the my darling daughter not only decides to greet us with a Ferocious yet impressive good morning like some deranged toddler version of Stephen King Here's Johnny you know look at the creepy one of the head in in the dark but she also decides that naked and no longer wants to wear a nappy even though the night before she insisted on wearing a nappy and cried to wear so I left but oh no no no morning to you things change in the morning she no longer that's where the happy so often comes regardless of what's in it droppings just wet or full-on mound of she will take them off and she will bring it around that room so no it's all well and good I hate saying that's not too bad I wish is fine your third day or are you walking to the bedroom and you stand in it that's when s*** hits the fan big time and I lose my shit for fox sake and don't fucking shit again no no no more hahaha seriously not good time and my house when I lose my ship but yes or no little little baby anymore but she's still in the little baby bum but while I was subjected to also have a four-year-old who pronounces the word YouTube now let's bear in mind you're not going to nowadays they're always on tablets on the not asking for YouTube she must say this word like 34 times a day she pronounces it Lube Tube I she not and people I have googled it and hear the same so like when my 4-year old daughter is shouting across the bus station mum can I go on YouTube on your phone and people Hawkeye I'm like mind outs the gutter ppl please damn, the girls gotta lisp ok she got no front teeth dammit she wants YouTube ok.. I swear down... someone need to teach these kids to pronunciate ygm? For real..shittt Karen and Gregory from number 3 will be contact the social n what not....oh excuse me the little girl down the street is running around screaming lubetube this that lubetube it's absolutely disgusting and and the little one seemed to perform satanic ritual on her door every morning Angela screaming the family all the hair is the screaming about shit standing in shit smelling of shit and I swear I should you not someone eating shift I know it's awful just awful you alright thanks very thanks for your input yeah I think I'm going to have to just ignore your comments because you are irrelevant about as much so as me placing a party in my daughter's bedroom in the hopes that she won't sit everywhere it doesn't matter doesn't make a difference ok

The Previous stories culprits Miss Zara and Miss Bonnie πŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌ

Just a visual aid to assist you in gaining the full picture of what I'm telling you that details mispronunciation of toothless Zara and the demonic chantings of Bonnie...LMAO

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Also imaginary, audience of mine, please do provide feedback constructive criticism or even just chit-chat I expect each and every one of you too contribute to making it all see that work very much willing it a lot of the time but but we're still doing pretty are as well send me an email are message on Facebook I don't mind just honestly any form of adult conversation is much appreciated ok moving on...Β β€”

So like don't get me wrong I absolutely adore my kids like as much as the next month because her bundles of happiness and I would never ever ever be without them having said that what I would be without is the repetition that is your average child from toddler to teenager I ferrovial cannot do with a child entering the kitchen and then upon asking why are you in here they say don't know and then leave so then upon me closing the door behind said child seem as though they seem to think they were born in a barn which they were not I was there and they were not I feel the force of the push back of one-child I don't really know which one could be any of them pushing back the door open as I'm pushing the door closed bearing in mind the child has literally just left the kitchen up on telling me they don't know why they are in here this child to them at the top of their voice I want a drink like yeah let's let's just like that thinking I am thinking the exact same thing as you like boy you are playing with me right now aren't you because I mean you just literally been in here ask you what you want you said nothing and now you want to drink now he wants to drink if you decline the request for a drink then the go from not too fucking and dehydrating in about 0.4 fucking 3 seconds run around on the floor panting grasping at the throat as if they've been in the fucking Sahara Desert the for the last 72 hours now contractor what must believe I feel I was so much stricter with my first two and now I'm on to four and can I well bagging with them you know after all these are one of me in four of them I am Outnumbered and I'm pretty certain they are aware of that anyway so kids coming kids left kids and left Maneuvers back into the kitchen demanding fluids to which you refuse Deeming you you was paranoid like right now according to your dehydrating infant who is about to turn into a pile of dust in front of your eyes also I'm pretty sure that you just hand a full cup of use milk from your cereal and about 5 swigs and my cup of tea so that you do not need and that you are just fucking about product obviously you can't say that to a 4-year old for a 2-year old not really 7-year old either possibly a 12-year old If he If You're Not wavelength but yeah definitely not for 2 or 7 year old because believe me if you do you will have about 15 minutes of uncontrollable wailing due to the fact that your child believes in the heart of Hearts that you are going to let them die of thirst yes so we've come to the conclusion that your kid is a liar your kid likes to push your buttons and also that your kid has absolutely zero first in your kid has absolutely 0 face in you whatsoever and and in the hash like the day Fields you would genuinely let them suck on to the horrific death by dehydration that would overcome their time their little bodies as you decline them the first drink of the morning I think that pretty much makes you feel like an awesome parent so.. thanks kids

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Tricks and cheats to help survive parenthood....well at least the first 12year anyway πŸ˜‚πŸ’ͺ🏼

Especially for you guys πŸ’œ

Wish I'd known a few of these 12 years back πŸ€”πŸ€£



Do not try and and be quiet around your newborn infant trust me noise helps washing machine hoover dishwasher you near me you want that little bundle of joy to be able to sleep in any sort of conditions trust me don't pussyfoot around them honestly you are the making of rod for your own backπŸ‘πŸΌ



Fun fact... if you are say, just about to eat your favourite chocolate bar, and one of your children comes running up, trying to literally prize it out of your fingers, just simply turn to them and say, "this is spicy" and I shit you not nine times out of ten they believe you and will leave you alone to eat your chocolate in peace... you're welcome



Another great tip that I wish I'd known because I did not do it this way and I did wake my child up every time I lifted in the air to check he was breathing if you want to check your kids breathing but don't want to disturb them literally put a finger under the nose and you'll feel the breath on your finger or you won't in which case obviously then you panic



Choose your kids theme song Wisley right now I know this sounds weird for Every Parent knows each child has their own song or tune or nursery rhyme weather the kid just loves in as soon as you like it on there in a trance the short like that it's brilliant but if you choose a bad one be warned you will listen to that song over and over and over again until your ears bleed basically for example my eldest son Alfie would only stop crying if I played Kanye West featuring Estelle American boy haha Yet my 7-year-old son Charlie would only relax if you played the first 10 seconds of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse which is possibly one of the worst things I've ever heard in my life, Zara, on the other hand born in December the 16th to be precise would only chill if I played jingle Bell Rock I hear ya banging Christmas tune but when it's June and that is all she will listen to it does wear a little bit thin and last but definitely not least is Bonnie my little bon bon this little maniac would only simmer down if I played Biggie Smalls old thing back πŸ˜£πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈπŸ˜‚πŸ€”
Now some of you may not be familiar with this song, but the first sentence of this absolute Belter of a track goes like this..."with sex I'm similar to the thrilla in Manila" πŸ€”πŸ˜‚ wait.. it gets better... about three Lines in... the sentemce "whether it's stiff tongue or stiff dick biggie squeeze it to make shit fit now check this shit"....ya get the jyst I said choose your kids theme tune carefully my friends



Always and I mean always plan 45 minutes at least a head so I programmable see me in a bit of lunch 11:30 you will not enter that cafe or restaurant or wherever it is they serve brunch, until at least 12:15 guaranteed and I am joking you that's going good I'm usually at least an hour and a half late all the time



Ok so there's the usual I wouldn't be a mum if I didn't mention that controlled crying and I mean like 10 minutes of crying you go check them calm and I'll leave them to cry another 10 minutes do the same again so on and so forth not put your headphones in and let the kids scream like a banshee for 3 hours until they can't breathe properly because they have wound themselves up that much no difference and don't be afraid of your neighbours and what they think with screaming I once sent a status on Facebook apologising to my neighbours for my child's noise but also stating that I will not be giving into them also so go buy some earplugs



Take ultimate advantage whilst your child still believes in things like Tooth Fairy Easter Bunny Father Christmas etc because you can use these to blackmail them into behaving legit like get one of your friends on the end of the phone and save like your Santa I'm ringing you in five tell little Bonnie book her ideas up or she will be getting lump of coal this year capiche honestly it works a treat no matter what time of year you never want to be on Santa's Naughty List you feel me



Just make peace with the fact that you are going to lie this shit out of everything to your child what times are not for example sorry kids park attendant just phoned and the parks closed for today maintenance and what not sorry kids ice cream van man just rang is broken down so I'm coming today