you’re one of those strangers who randomly talks to people in line what the heck.

i sent an embarrassing selfie to the wrong number and you responded back with another selfie.

hi sorry I live below you and I hear your dog running around and barking all the time and– no no it’s fine I was just hoping maybe I could pet it?

my friend/member left my phone number on a random bathroom stall wall and you text me about your day and your frustrations for a while & it’s really nice and cute but I still don’t know who you are.

you rescued me from the creepy person that was hitting on me in the bar

It’s 10:30 at night and I left my glasses at home so I can’t read any of these labels and you’re one of the only people in the grocery store and GODDARNIT DO YOU HAVE ANY DOUBLE STUF OREOS OR WHAT

i thought you were my friend so I slapped your ass in greeting.

so i really like this person but they’re really experienced both sexually and romantically and i’m just an innocent little flower so can you like, idk, teach me some stuff??

“spend the night with me.”
“this is a one time thing.”
“just hold my hand for a bit.”
“we still have time how about we…”
“did you just lick me?”