Hi I’m Haley, I’m 25 and I’m absolutely the definition of chaos.
I am blunt, I don’t beat around the bush. I swear like a sailor, so expect explicit verbiage. I’m a young married mom that’s not a “regular” mom but an autistic mom! From meltdowns to milestones, this is me. 🖤🦋
Have you ever made a list and within that list you have a list, for a list, for a list? 17 lists for one category? Okay dramatic, but we’re talking about what some would call “decluttering the living room” just 1 simple task out of your entire day.. have you ever spent so long making the list that you’re already over it by the time it was said and done… or “written” I suppose? Well great, you’re in the right place. However, if your first thought as “well, why not just do it? F**k the list….” Than kindly go F**k yourself. Honestly, I say that with as much love as possible.
Today I’ve about had it, I can’t sleep it’s 2:02AM on 7/6/21. I started my morning off to a not so great start, I had a small meltdown. I took my medications late, I was disoriented all day and now I’m up googling the best “organization solutions for people with autism” I know I’m autistic why am I googling this? Well if you saw my house, you’d know. Just looking at it is defeating, overwhelming and frustrating. Where do I start? What should be done first? Does that make the most sense? How will I do it? What do I need in order to do it? Great…. Now I need to go buy bins for that Pinterest idea. Thirty minutes later, I’m either preparing to go to target and end up buying nothing I need and just end up with more crap or I’m down a rabbit whole of other articles that make me feel more sane.
“Autistic people may also have trouble sorting different objects in the home. For example, we may not realize the enormous pile of ‘stuff’ on the bed can be broken down into separate piles of clothes, books, papers, and trash, and therefore managed more easily. It may be difficult to sort and control things that arrive in the home, with newspapers winding up all over the place, packages left by the door for weeks. It may not be obvious to store items either…”
I find it completely impossible to do certain tasks because I’m “prone” to high levels of distraction and losing my train of thought. I read that in an article too, which gave me peace of mind that I’m not just f**king lazy! So that’s a plus, but aside from that managing a household.. being a stay at home mom, with my 7 year old who is just starting summer break. My house is a shit show, my husband works 24/7 and I feel an overwhelming pressure and sense of failure… all because I couldn’t just “f**king do it” it feels better to find these articles and help myself find better ways and tips. Hopefully I’ll help some of you as well! I hope you all follow, and enjoy the ride. I’m starting this to show my journey that I’m going to call ‘Meltdowns to Milestones’ I thought it was kinda clever 😂🦋🖤
✨ Vulnerable Long Post ✨
I’m currently sitting in my hallway bawling my eyes out over I don’t even know what, have you ever felt like every decision or choice you make is just pressure? I have the fear of missing out, I love to go to my husbands softball games. I love being able to talk with people and be normal, but all of the sudden everything today has thrown me for a complete loop. From conversations with friends, to not hearing from other friends, to having errands to run, to a change of plans and to put the icing on the cake not being able to unscramble my mind and form the words of how I feel. All I got is “i don’t know” and a lot of tears. I know that I communicate best through text/email… you get it. But I still don’t know, I do know that Facebook asked me what’s on my mind & this is it.
Happy Monday. 💙
“What is the experience of autistic burnout like?
Like many aspects of autism, burnout varies greatly from person to person. Some autistic people experience it as an overwhelming sense of physical exhaustion. They may have more difficulty managing their emotions than usual and be prone to outbursts of sadness or anger. Burnout may manifest as intense anxiety or contribute to depression or suicidal behavior. It may involve an increase in autism traits such as repetitive behaviors, increased sensitivity to sensory input or difficulty with change.
Burnout can sometimes result in a loss of skills: An autistic woman who usually has strong verbal abilities may, for example, suddenly find herself unable to talk.
What causes burnout?
Burnout is often a consequence of camouflaging, or masking, a strategy in which autistic people mimic neurotypical behavior by using scripts for small talk, forcing themselves to make eye contact or suppressing repetitive behaviors. These strategies can help autistic people in their jobs and relationships but require immense effort.
It can also result from sensory overstimulation, such as a noisy bus commute; executive function demands such as having to juggle too many tasks at once; or stress associated with change.”
Source
Vulnerable Post
We talk about mental health awareness, and all the things that go along with it.. but for some reason it still feels like life has to be rainbows and sunshine. I guess or at least look like it... “why did they post that?” “Why did she say that” “it’s probably for attention” so many judgements if it’s not unicorns and roses.
WHAT IF I JUST WANT PEOPLE OTHER THAN MY HUSBAND, GRANDPA & MOM TO KNOW?
To know who I really am? People see me as this outgoing, bubbly person.. I’m not saying that’s not who I am, every encounter I make is genuine. However after those encounters, I have to “check out” depending on the amount of social interactions definitely change how serious it is after.. but this is me.
My name is Haley, I’m 25 years old. I’m a wife and a mother. I’m Autistic, I have ADD, Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder and Anxiety. I have meltdowns, I’ve been having them on and off all day and frankly I just want someone to know. I want people to realize that what you see isn’t always what you get. I want it to be normal to be able to post things like this vs. beautiful selfies without being judged... truly I don’t understand why, maybe I’m crazy. Probably, but I needed to say this. I want people to know who I really am, outside of everything that sparkles.
OH HEY, FOR BEST VIEWING, YOU'LL NEED TO TURN YOUR PHONE