The day I watched ‘The American Gospel’ documentary, was when I understood why I was a Christian. I watched it three times. Enough to take notes before my Amazon prime membership expired and I’m grateful I understand the purpose of focusing on Christ now. I’m forever grateful to my dear friend who recommended it.

It’s my 31st year and a lot became my ‘new normal’ prior to the world’s recognition of the pandemic. For 30 years I had endured my own pandemic. No signs on the outside just symptoms on the inside. I generally felt I was always the one giving my all and sacrificing in my relationships (both with family and friends) for a 30 year old, I felt mentally older in age. I felt I had experienced so much pain.

Moving to Dubai and traveling the world continues to be my greatest achievement. Yet, understanding what Christ did for me in the cross is now the icing on the cake. Late 2019 was the timing I decided to seek more to life. Most likely, heavily influenced by the passing away of my dear father. Furthermore, a study of the parable of the lost son in comparison to the message about love in Corinthians helped my build my understanding of who God is and how he loves. You see my biological father always made me feel secure: when I was sad, I’d do all my complaining on him. When I made mistakes, he’s only told me I could try again. He always praised the kind of heart I possessed and I loved it. He no longer existing created the biggest hole in my life and I needed that to be filled, so on my own terms I searched and lacked and searched and lacked. I was bleeding on people who didn’t cut me. (As RealtalkKim says)

Early 2020, I started being intentional and living a life true to myself and not what I wanted to show for others to fall in love with. I wanted to be myself, make my own choices influenced by what God wanted for me. I downsize on my apartment, sold my car and re-dedicated myself to God for direction . The love God has for us is not selfish it’s for our own benefit. The emphasis on the real existence of my religion began to save my life, I began experiencing more joy and peace than bursts of happiness.

I’ve been on a selfless love journey without complain since then. I look at Christ as my model in love and although I’m not perfect, I’ve learned to start loving myself the right way and loving others is much easier. I have a great sense of peace in my personality and understanding why I have to love others the way Christ loves me.

In 2016, I drove 16 hours from Maryland to Florida in the United States. It was a decision that stemmed from finding a new sense of meaning to life followinga break up, a rigged pageant and quitting my career at the bank after an intense argument with my manager and storming out of the job (she had hired me three years prior.)

It was a lonely drive and every mile, I vowed never to do solo ever again! I had the means to make the trip happen: my beloved Corolla (packed up with all my possessions), enough money for fuel and a reserved apartment awaiting my occupancy. You see, there was no element of seeking God’s will in my plan. I was done and I wanted a new start on my own terms.

Six months after the move, I still felt empty, sad, withdrawn and and questioned my existence (I was going crazy in my thoughts). I would write your my ex literally begging him to come back. I wanted to pack up and go back to Maryland because maybe it was all a mistake. I was suffering in my weakness yet still exerting my own control mechanisms and self esteem problems. I believe like me, you have also experienced some ‘wandering’ in life at one point. Working out of God’s will is the most counter productive thing you can ever do to sabotage the course of your destiny.

There is new hope that lay within the promises of God. Do not just run away from problems but deal with them so that they may not pop back up. Even if they do, you know what to do to fight the battle and his grace is sufficient for you.
We do so many things today to please our flesh (wants and desires) in the short term. The true joy lays in God, Christ and the Holy Spirit.

Today’s reflection verse proposes that we can become weak because we are human however, God’s power
is made perfect in weakness (not our weakness - to me it defines that it doesn’t personally belong to us). That’s an amazing gift! His grace is sufficient.
In my sixth month I broke down in tears alone in my room, in a loud cry to God I prayed and surrendered. About a week later, in a conversation over the phone with a friend, she talked about several advantages I had in Florida compared to her. This began my recovery process! I started to realize I wasn’t counting my blessings enough. Drowning in my own ways, I was distracted and missing out on a grateful heart. Taking life in our own hands and doing whatever we want without seeking God has consequences: in my story I wandered for half the year worrying.

Prayer: Heavenly Father, we are forever grateful that even as in our heavily sinful nature, your open door policy is always available to everyone who diligently seeks you and make it priority to keep your promises of grace. Thank you for being such an unconditional loving God. Amen!

The world is always changing! Things that worked a few years ago have quickly become obstinate so soon. How many times have you heard the launch of a new version of a phone? Election of a new presidential candidate every 4 years (democracy); many things of the world can cause anxiety due to the constant change.

One thing that has remained consistent is God’s love and promises for us. I believe everything that happens is God’s will. This will is never always rosy and can include pain and suffering. The gift of prayer is simple as a conversation of praise in great times or can be as emotional as surrendering in challenging times. You see prayer sometimes doesn’t make a situation change but it changes perspective on the challenge at hand.

There are many people in the Bible who prayed on suffering and one that stands out is the prayers of Hannah. She was barren and was mocked for it. This stirred sadness however she constantly prayed to God about it and eventually “God remembered her.” (“Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the Lord and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah made love to his wife Hannah, and the Lord remembered her.” 1 Samuel‬ ‭1:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬). Samuel wasn’t her only child, however he was the most significant in the blueprint of the Bible. We should always remember when we pray, an immediate effect is soothing although it may not instantly change results of the painful situation.

The important lesson about prayer is that it helps refocus from worry to worthy and there’s power in prayer!

Our focus is strongest on what is seen, research and theories often assert logic and human judgement in almost every situation.
Many times, we tend to believe in our facts however God always has the authority to override - he created the world and everything in it including us. When we do present our inadequacies to him, he’s able to build capacity in us to accomplish the task at hand. I’d like to illustrate this by bringing up two characters in the Bible. Zechariah the father of John the Baptist and Mary the mother of Christ. When an angel revealed to Zechariah about Elizabeth (his wife) about having a child in her old age, he showed doubt based on what he saw to be apparent and impossible. In his question, he already saw the glass half empty: “Zechariah asked the angel, “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.” Like the reaction of Sarah in the Old Testament, statements like this put God off, literally. The Angel has to shut Zecheriah’s mouth temporarily so as to prevent him speaking the doubt to undermine the process or cause him to speak to others to start unnecessary gossip or mockery. We’ve seen humans do this: remember Noah? People mocked him while building the ark because they had no idea about the ultimate goal of God.
Now, I chose to use Mary in this topic because just like the others she questioned God but was more curious about how God was going to accomplish it. She asked: “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?” This prompted the angel to go further into the specifics. We know she was into the whole things also because after the explanation she was assertive about her abilities for being chosen and said: ““I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.”
‭‭God always has reasons why he chooses certain people for accomplishing his work. He’s always accomplishing them in ways we humans can never understand or thoughts about and that’s exactly why he’s God! He’s the greatest of all time.

What comes to mind when you hear about the Holy Spirit?

The Bible references it as a special gift, promised by Christ himself. He referenced it as a comforter in his own absence to remind us of all he taught. “But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.”
‭‭John‬ ‭14:26‬ ‭NIV‬‬

You see Christ already knows we are human and will forget. I graduated from college in 2013. To be honest, there are so many things I learned and cannot remember. In my attempt to refresh my memory I read or take online courses: it is in those moments that I come across some of the things I learned in the past. The current practice activates the past knowledge.

This is my love for Christ is important: he loves me so much even after his painful path to death, he still gave a gift of the Holy Sprit. This Holy Spirit is with us.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such thing, there is no law.”
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:22‬-23 NIV‬‬

The more involved we are in deepening our relationship with our creator and his ways, the more we open up to the fruit of the Holy Spirit. It’s important to note that with a single fruit of the Holy Spirit, we are blessed to love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self-control.

Jesus himself mentioned that if we love him, then we will keep his commandments and he will not leave us (as orphans) after teaching us these commandments.

It’s our responsibility then, especially when we choose to follow Christ, to allow his gift of the Holy Spirit sent by God the father to comfort us. This is why Christ tending the Prince of Peace.