No hood like Motherhood am I right?!
I was 20 years old when I gave birth to my son, and boy was I convinced I knew it all! (Lets all laugh at that) turns out, I didn’t know half of what I thought I did.
Motherhood hit me like a brick wall.. and I mean that in the most lovingly honest way that I can.
I was stumbling through it trying to figure out how to be a mom, lover, and somehow manage some sense of self.
My sweet son was so patient with me. It was like he understood I was just as new at this as he was. I had never experienced a love so profound, so absolutely powerful that it physically hurt. He was simply perfect, with his big brown eyes and his olive skin. Every time I looked at him I melted.
I knew I had to be better for him, and for myself. So I got to work on everything that wasn’t working for me anymore. I started to take care of myself again, and I started getting out of the house more. My husband and I started taking our son everywhere we could go on a day trip, and it was exactly what I needed to bring myself back to life.
I will always cherish those moments with my son.
It was 3 short years later that I welcomed my daughter earth side.
Again, I was fueled by a false sense of confidence, I’ve been doing this for 3 years now, so I MUST know everything at this point right? (I never learn do I?!)
Everyone told me the second baby is “so easy” and that my son would be “so helpful” I was so sure that would be the case.
Little did I know, I had already given birth to my “easy” baby.. Laila was my fiery, and no nonsense taking baby. She only let me hold her, feed her, change her and under no circumstances would she tolerate being set down to give my arms a break.
This was a challenging time, as much as I was enjoying the bond we were creating, I couldn’t help but feel like I was failing my son.
He needed me too, just as much as his sister did, and he didn’t understand that his world would become vastly different once he was no longer our only child. I felt like I should have prepared him better, but to be honest, I didn’t know exactly what we were in for.. I was just sure I could handle it.
There have been some really hard days. But I can say with all truth that the good days far outweigh the not so good ones.
My children are now 7 & 4 and the hard days are less and less with these two. They have instilled so much patience within me. They constantly teach me how I can be a better woman, and a better mother to them. They push me to change my way of thinking, to look outside of the box, and how to problem solve quickly.
Motherhood is beautiful, messy, unpredictable and my greatest accomplishment to this day.