This is a disorder characterized by the presence of two or more distinct personality states.
Dissociative identity disorder, previously called multiple personality disorder, is usually a reaction to trauma as a way to help a person avoid bad memories.

•DISSOCIATION•
Sometimes we will be having a conversation with someone and realize we haven’t heard most of what they said. Same with watching tv. Really stressful or sick days make it hard to focus on anything and we feel really incapable of functioning normally.

Extreme dissociation can cause black outs where we don’t remember what happened or brown outs where we are not emotionally connected to what happened-like watching a movie we can see what happened but it’s like it didn’t happen to us.

•ALTERS•
Before we knew we had DID, we were diagnosed with depression, anxiety and bipolar…It never sat right with us. But it was scary to feel a certain way about something one day then the next day feel the opposite about it. For example: some alters have trauma with big dogs and really do not enjoy the company of our golden retriever while other alters absolutely adore her!

Some alters like/dislike different food, activities, hobbies and more! This makes it hard to stay consistent in one thing and we jump around in what we do. Some alters need to wear glasses/contacts, some have slightly different voices, there are different ages and even genders and pronouns.

•DEPERSONALIZATION•
Sometimes we feel like we are not attached to our body. If we are very anxious or stressed, we may feel like we’re looking down on our body. Some times this can even happen with one body part such as a hand or foot. Feels like floating away…

It may also feel like we don’t even exist anymore and that we are cut off from the rest of the world.

•DYSMORPHIA•
Body dysmorphia occurs for us often. This is when you look in the mirror and see a distorted perception of yourself. Of course, growing up we would freak ouryselves out doing this in the dark but never knew what it was.

This is especially hard for us when littles front who are much smaller in the head space than the physical body or anyone else who does not look like the physical body does.

•FRIENDSHIPS•
It can be like having a friend! Most of our alters get along and want to help each other be happy and get what they want in life. But if an alter goes dormant/or doesn’t front for a long time; we worry if we’ve lost them and it’s like losing a friend-some one we care for very much!

We had this scare at the beginning of the year thinking we lost a younger alter and were very upset until she fronted again! Some alters are still “lost” and we wonder if we’ll hear from them again.

Most of the time it’s very quiet for us, but other times we can hear so many alters talking in head space at once. It’s like hearing many thoughts that are not your own-sometimes this can be very entertaining! Other times annoying like when we’re trying to sleep and so many alters have new ideas for an asmr video!

•FAQ•
--What do alters do when not fronting?

It's called the innerworld, and it's where alters normally go when they're not fronting. This often includes some sort of building where the alters live and interact with each other. For some systems it's as simple as a house, for others it's as complicated as a whole world.
••For us we can see a forest on the beach.
The air and water are perfect temperature with a constant beautiful sunset so that it’s always golden hour.
There’s a house on the tree line that most of us live in but there are mountain caves & a castle that some of us run to hide in when things get rough. (Mostly Kathryn stays in the castle.)••

—How does it feel when an alter switches?

People with DID have varying levels of awareness about their switching. Often people will experience some kind of physical symptom, like headaches, just before or after switching occurs. Loosing track of time could be another indicator that a person switched.
••For us, it’s usually gradual and we don’t notice until a character trait comes through like disliking a type of food or activity. Other times it’s instant like when we’re crying and suddenly stop and feel just fine and want to get up and do something.••

—At what age do alters appear?

The typical patient who is diagnosed with DID is a woman, about age 30. A retrospective review of that patient's history typically will reveal onset of dissociative symptoms at ages 5 to 10, with emergence of alters at about the age of 6.
••We were age 35 when diagnosed and our youngest alter that we know of is 5 1/2. (Emphasis on the half or she will throw a fit haha!)••

—How do you trigger an alter to front?

A sudden onset of emotion, either positive or negative, can cause alters to take the dominant spot in the personality system. Sensory input sights, sounds, smells, textures, and tastes can lead to switches between parts.
••It can be considered rude to the fronting alter to try to cause a switch on purpose. Unless it has been agreed with this person to be ok. We keep track of negative/positive triggers as a way to help us recognize who is fronting.••

—Can alters fight to front?

An alter can force themselves if they try hard enough. A gatekeeper usually tries to tell who can and can’t front but there might be someone who doesn’t listen. Switches can be planned ahead of time and get triggered out if they are planning on certain events for example.
••We know that certain alters will always front around family or other social events for example. Otherwise, we can sometimes try to persuade certain alters to front but it’s still up to them to decide if it’s safe or if they want to. A lot of times we experience alters getting stuck in the front where no one else wants to front for awhile.••

—Is living with DID hard?

Living with dissociative identity disorder presents numerous challenges. In addition to feelings of being overwhelmed and possessed by other personalities, and being scared, distressed, and feeling helpless, DID can also cause significant daily dysfunction. Typically those with DID also have other disorders as well.
••Sometimes we feel numb to our emotions, helpless to the world around us, scared about our past and worried for our future. We also have BPD, OCD & are neurodivergent. But we also know that with enough love and support, we can be amazing full of creative ideas, fun, laughter and sometimes just pure silliness!••